Month: January 2015

Prompt Page 0010 : Audience of One

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“Picture the one person in the world you really wish were reading your blog. Write her or him a letter.“

To be honest I wasn’t going to write for this prompt.

I didn’t write for the one yesterday.

Both of them seemed lame, hollow, pointless.

Even the one before, the Call Me Ishmael prompt, I felt was weightless. Meaningless.

I shared one of my favorite scenes from a book, but that was so far off from the original topic I might as well have written my own prompt.

I don’t write to see the words on the page. I get no satisfaction out of wasting my time, and that’s what I thought I would originally be doing with this post.

Throwing away the only things that are ever truly mine.

My time. My actions. My thoughts. My words.

Spilling them into a bucket without a bottom so they fall useless to the floor of the Internet. Just another virtual page to be lost in so many others. A sea of meaningless nothing.

I don’t have a dream reader other than myself, and I have already written that post, and linked to it once already for a previous daily prompt.

How often can you write to your dream reader? How much could there be left to say?

But maybe I am different. Maybe because I am my own ‘dream reader’ there is less for me to express, and saying it once encompassed everything that would ever need to pass between my past and future selves.

You are loved. You are amazing. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Take time for you because your happiness is just as important as everyone else’s.

I love you and always will, even when you are silly and make mistakes.

You are worthy. You are a piece of art, a work in progress, and I will be with you every step of the way. Big, small, good, bad. You will never be alone, and as long as you are moving forward you are always winning.

Winners never quit, and quitters never win.

I suppose in a way I could never say that to myself too often.

It is easy to forget the positive, the good, when confronted with negativity, stress, and hurt.

I have come so far since the breakup with Sir. I am so much stronger, more healed, more whole.

I no longer see my inner self as the invalid in a wheelchair, broken and injured, weak, hunched over taking wheezing, shallow breaths. My form frail and brittle.

I am not yet my warrior self. Not fully, but I am so much closer than I have been in so long.

I know I am on the right path. I can feel the momentum behind me, pushing me, driving me.

And so maybe this post wasn’t as much of a waste as I originally thought.

I am doing well. And maybe it would be good to have this post to look back on. To remember that I took a few moments from my day to recognize the progress that I have made, the strides I have taken, the poisons I have purged.

By the end of the month all of my ties with past negativity will be cut. No more ex’s in my life and I can truly be my own person once again. No financial obligations connecting their lives with mine.

100% on my own, in less than a month.

That is so much further than I was four months ago.

I’m proud of myself. Of the things I am doing for myself. I am happy with my choices and actions. I am happy with my adventure so far, and I am looking forward to where this path will lead me.

So, dream reader, my words to you…

When you look back and re-read this post, because you know you will, no matter where you are at, no matter what happens along the way, know that in this moment you are safe.

You are doing so well. I’m proud of you.

Keep being you. Don’t back down from the things you value.

Stand tall, strong, proud, of everything that you are.

You are a warrior. You are a fighter.

You are amazing.

Success is whatever you define it to be. Be happy, with work, with life, with everything.

In this moment you have everything you will ever need; the love of your family and friends. Their acceptance and understanding.

Continue walking your own path, running, sprinting, skipping, stumbling, tripping, crawling. No matter what, go the way you feel in your heart is right.

I love you, little Earth Dragon, forever and always.

Weekly Saga 0001: Slacker McSlackerson

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Wow….

I haven’t done a weekly saga in three weeks…

How did I let that slip for so long?

The last recap I did was when I had just gotten back from Vegas.

In-between the last recap and this one, post 99 and post 132, I:

  • Turned 26
  • Reevaluated my relationship with Warren #1
  • Had Christmas
  • Finished the Hunger Games / Started Inheritance
  • Met James
  • Suffered through the most aggravating car ride home
  • Rang in 2015
  • Had another run in with Ari
  • Dealt with frustration with Jarrett
  • Finished paying off the credit card with Warren #2
  • Listed my goals for the next six months
  • Began a new class – Design and Art Theory
  • Started back at work
  • Started work on a rig
  • Revamped RigBox Reborn – Layout Tool
  • Hosted PCC Critiques
  • Had a heart to heart with Joshua about the apartment
  • Looked at the room Monica wants to rent out
  • Continued kicking ass and taking names at the gym
  • Signed a contract with Fredenator

These past weeks have been awesome. It was something my mom and I actually talked about this evening; how things feel like they are going so much better. How there isn’t a cloud of depression and sadness, apathy, hanging over me, and because of that I have the energy to actually ‘do’ things.

I’ve basically doubled my writing by becoming interested in the daily prompts. I don’t do all of them, but I do enough to keep me busy. I also was able to complete several of my cross stitch projects while on holiday break, which also added to my post count.

I’m really happy with my progress in everything, though. Work, life, school, the gym.

I don’t get on the scale much, but I did earlier this week and I’m actually down five pounds. So it’s not just pant sizes, the scale is reflecting the change, too.

Lots of positive vibes.

And on that high note I’m going to go cuddle with Scarlet and cross stitch before getting some much deserved sleep.

Daily Prompts

The Language of Things     Getting Seasonal     Mystery Box

Cliché     Hindsight     All Grown Up     Happy Happy Joy Joy

New Skin     Be the Change     First!     Daring Do    For Posterity

Oasis     I Got Skills     In Good Faith     Call me Ishmael

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Gemstone Dragon – January     Gemstone Dragon – September

Summer of 2014   2014 Year of the Unicorn   Still Life Warm Ups

Daily Post 0014: Ending a Good Day

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So, a daily post to recap the day before I do my weekly overview. That’s going to be so much reading. x.x

Firstly, I didn’t get to record my podcast, and at 11:30 pm, I am not going to do it now. Since I have very little to do tomorrow morning I’m going to try to get it done then.

Aside from that one minor thing I’ve got a ton done.

My room is 100% back to being organized. No more crazy post vacation piles lying around.

I once again went through my cloths. All of those things that I’ve been holding on to for when I can fit into them again… After looking them over I wouldn’t want to wear them even if I could fit into them. My style has changed.

I kept a few things, but a majority of it went into a bag to take to Goodwill. Plus other random stuff that I wanted to get rid of.

I ended up having two boxes, two collapsible tables, , two trash bags of cloths, though honestly it could have fit into one, and a legit LARPing shield.

Don’t judge me. >.>

So the only thing I really need to get rid of is the chest of drawers that I got from Alex.

It feels good to have everything under control. So when shit hits the fan when I need to move it will be more manageable.

Once I was done doing all of that I vacuumed. Then went through my ‘in’ box.

It’s a trick that I’ve picked up from some of the productivity gurus I follow.

Basically the idea is anything that you need to ‘process’ or do something with, goes into your in box. Receipts you need to go through, business cards you need to look at, mail you need to read, books you need to put back on the shelf.

Stuff that’s lying around that you need to do something with is considered an ‘in’ item. It needs your attention. A decision has to be made about it.

I have a collapsible box that I use as my ‘in’ box. At the end of the day I go around and gather everything up that needs to be taken care of and put it into the box. Then on Sunday I go through the box and straighten everything up.

That might sound sort of odd, but it keeps stuff out of sight until I’m at a point where I can process it. It’s not an open loop in my mind every time I walk around my room.

“I really aught to do…”

No. I don’t have to do anything with it right now, so it can wait until processing time.

Like I said, maybe odd for some, but it works for me and that’s the big thing.

So I went through my home ‘in’ box. I also have a portable ‘in’ box. It’s a case that I keep my notebook in along with loose paper for sketching and pencils.

I take it everywhere with me. Literally. Grocery store, gym, bank, work, joy riding… I mostly keep it with me for the paper. Any time I need to write something down, some spark of thought, so to-do that I’ll forget, it’s all written down in a location that I know I’m going to process at the end of the day.

And if anyone hands me something I need to hold on to, like a business card, a print out, I have a place I can store it until I get home. I don’t have to worry about losing it. Unless I leave my case laying around in a lab like the other day…

So not cool.

But yeah. I mostly got the case because it rains everyday in Florida during the summer and I was tired of my notebooks getting ruined. When I saw the ‘portable in box’ through a time management class my mind was blown.

How had I not thought of that? How had I lived my life without this thing?

It really is the little things in life that make most of my days.

Anywho, I processed both of those, even went through my notebook catching up on little tasks that didn’t get checked off.

So by around 1pm I was completely on top of everything. What I hadn’t finished was written down on a new, clean, condensed to-do list rather than being scatter over various papers.

It was a good, solid feeling.

I showered and then headed out to Goodwill to donate my stuff. The guy who helped me unload my car was pretty impressed with the shield, which made me smile.

While I was there I went inside to check out their active wear. Maybe there would be something interesting.

I ended up getting two pairs of workout shorts for $3. You really can’t beat that.

Since I was in the area I stopped by another Dick’s Sporting Goods to check out their clearance. I gave myself a $20 limit, though I didn’t need it. I didn’t like anything that they had. And really I don’t need anything else until I drop a few more sizes. So it worked out well.

I went to the gym where I biked and did some time on the elliptical. I stretched really well afterwards.

I found another pretty nifty song today.

Geronimo by Sheppard
Once I was done  I showered, ate a power bar that I had packed with me, and then went off to the store to do the grocery shopping.

I saw four of my students there, so there were hugs and swapping stories about holiday break. It was really nice.

I was under $60 for this week’s groceries. And that’s with picking up papers for my mom so she can have more coupons when I go home in February. I’m feeling good about that.

After putting all of the food away and making tuna for the coming week, Joshua and Susan helped with rearranging the furniture in the living areas. I really like the way it is set up now. I may even bring my desktop out of my room.

Susan can have her side of the table, and I could have mine.

That means I would need to figure out what’s up with my OS, and possibly buying a new harddrive. That’s a task I want to get done by the end of the month regardless, so this will give me a bit more motivation to complete it.

I wouldn’t buy anything computer related until after switching over the phone, though. I can live without my desktop a bit longer.

The couch is in the alcove where the table used to be, so it’s like I have my own little space where I can sit and stitch without being in anyone’s way. I like it. : 3

Once the furniture was moved around I tackled a few more things on my to-do list.  Computer related things, though, rather than errands.

I needed to add my workouts to RunKeeper, my grades for this week’s assignments were graded already (100 and 89), I needed to setup my login for Citizens Bank so I could get my car payment notifications to go paperless.

There is a forum that our department uses that I needed to reset my password for so I could log in. There was a rigging challenge posted earlier in the week that I wanted to take a swing at, but I couldn’t figure out my account information, and I didn’t have time during the week to really fight with it.

I got the login figured out, and took a look at the broken rig to see if I could determine the problem.

I messaged Monica with my answer, so I should have a response tomorrow.

I signed the contract with Fredenator, so the next week or so will be spent beefing up my YouTube channel.

And I talked to mom for about an hour and a half.

I told her all about my week, and we traded stories back and forth. It was a good conversation and I’m glad that I called her.

She said that the house with Monica seems like a good idea and that she hopes it works out for me.

I don’t have much else that I need to do today other than relax and stitch for a little bit. And do my weekly sage. I think this one is actually going to cover the past two weeks, since I think I was a slacker last week.

Why do I write so much? ;-;

Daily Post 0013: Awesome Runs and Roommates

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I just woke up after sleeping for 12 hours, and it was fantastic.

Before I get into that though, yesterday in general was fantastic.

I woke up and messaged Monica to see if I would be able to look at the room I would be renting, and to see the house. I did my WordPress stuff (read procrastination) while I enjoyed my coffee.

Yesterday was my run day, so I waited a while for the day to warm up since I wanted to run one of the bike trails. Eventually I got a reply back from Monica asking if she could have some time to clean up the place before I came by.

We agreed that I would message her after I was done with my run.

So off I went.

I did super well. Like, I shaved two minutes off of my time. So I’m at a 16 minute mile.

I don’t care if that’s good or not. It’s good for me, and I’m proud that I was able to see such a marked improvement.

I found a new song while I was running that I really like for some reason. The words are ‘eh’, but the rhythm is really fun. Bouncy. I enjoyed running to it, and kept repeating the song for most of the day.

Wasted by Tiesto

Anywho, I came back home and laid in bed for about an hour, recovering. I wanted to keep going. I was supposed to be showering and running around doing errands, but my body was tired. Hard core tired.

So I rested, and eventually got up to finish doing what I needed to.

Monica’s house is actually a pretty straight shot from where I am. Finding it was super easy, and it is amazing.

It’s what I picture in my head when I think of Florida.

A small, quaint little house, surrounded by green. So much green, and flowers, though most of them have been killed off due to the recent cold weather.

There are so many fruit trees; oranges, apples, lemons, cherries, apricots. She even had a little garden bed, though Monica said that it was a ‘failed’ attempt at gardening.

There’s an arch over the driveway covered with vines and flowers, so it’s like a little gateway into a secluded, undisturbed paradise in the middle of Orlando.

You can’t see the neighbor’s houses through the vegetation, so it really does have a feel of being in the middle of nowhere.

It’s super close to a park, which Monica said is pretty nice. The streets aren’t too busy, so I could go running without much worry. And it’s 10 minutes, most likely less, from another YMCA, so I could still do my gym thing without too much change in my routine.

The house is small, no dish washer, and it uses well water. The room is small compared to what I have now, but it’s bigger than what I had at home, so in my mind it’s perfect.

There’s a bed already there, so I wouldn’t have to use the air mattress once I moved in. There’s a low chest of drawers, which would be perfect of Seth’s tank to sit on top of.

Monica is totally cool with Scarlet, so the cat isn’t an issue. She would let me paint the room before moving in.

There’s a single bathroom, but I don’t have much stuff for in there, so I think that will be fine.

Basically all of my rent money would go into home repairs. Adding a deck to the front of the house and things like that. I like the idea of that.

I would be paying $350 for rent, since there’s not many amenities, and then halfing the other expenses. Roughly $50 for Internet, since she has the faster connection, and $50 for electricity during the summer months. She said normally electricity is roughly $50 for just her, so normally it would be about $25.

So I’m looking at breaking about even compared to what I’m paying now, or being a bit under, which would be even better.

We talked about how we’re both introverted and not super social when we’re home. Actually we laughed about that because that has been our biggest complaint from previous roommates, how we’re not social enough. #introvertProblems

I think we’ll mesh well together, and I love how there is so much space and nature around the house. The energy was amazing. I’m actually really looking forward to moving. I don’t think I’m going to try to find anything else. I really feel like this is the right choice.

So that was a huge thing done.

Once I left Monica’s place I went to my sports bar like I had planned as a reward for my run. After I ordered I got to work balancing my budget and cleaning up my computer. I needed to organize my school files, clean out my downloads folder, clean up my email accounts, make sure there weren’t messages waiting for a reply on Facebook and such.

Basically catching up on loose ends from the week.

Once I had done all of those things I started working on my script.

I think it’s super solid now. I even went in and changed the buttons to use images and added annotations to them so when you hover over the icons a little tool tip pops up to let you know what the icon actually does.

I’m super happy with it. Today I’m going to record the demo of the tool so I can get everything posted online. I might post a screen shot of the interface just for fun.

While I had been scripting I got a message from a student saying they were having an issue with their project. I asked if she was on campus, since I was close by. She said yeah and that she would most likely be there for a while.

I said that once I was finished up with the script I was working on I would swing by school and take a look at her project.

I finished off what I was doing, tipped my waitress 50% since she had been so awesome, and went to school.

Before I went to the lab Desiree was in I stopped by 127 and found my notebook sitting at the instructor computer. Huzzah! So that was awesome.

I love my notebooks. <3

With my notebook rescued I dropped into lab 129 and talked to Desiree for a while about her rig. We got her main issue fixed then went over the rest of it and talked about different functionality an animator would like to see, or not see.

It was a really good critique.

She was a little down because she hadn’t had as much to show during Friday’s critique as some other students.

I told her that I had felt the same feelings while I was a student. I wasn’t as good as so-and-so, so that meant I was bad. That I wasn’t going to be successful. That I was failing.

I told her that none of those feelings were true. That one of the facts about our industry was there’s always going to be people better than her.

I told her that as long as she was happy with the effort she was putting into her projects, and that she was always learning and moving forward, that it didn’t matter if she was the best, or better than the people around her. The only real competition she has the person she was yesterday. So as long as she’s better than Yester-Des, then she’s doing great.

I think that helped her feel better.

After leaving school I came home. It was about 7:30 and I went to sleep.

I thought about writing, cross stitching, reading… But as soon as I saw my bed my decision was made.

And as I said, I slept a solid 12 hours.

I feel so rested and ready for another productive, though low-key day.

I might run to the store later, but that’s not a priority.

Joshua was in the kitchen for a little bit and we had a much needed talk.

I can’t really lie; this morning I was a bit angsty when I was making my coffee. And there have been things about the apartment that have been building up inside me.

For the past two days I haven’t been able to find my little container of coffee. Susan has a big bag of little instant coffee packets that I’ve been using… but they’re not ‘my’ coffee. So I’ve been a bit miffed about that.

I wasn’t sure where my coffee had gotten off to. I had put it back on top of the microwave the other day, where it’s lived for the past four months, then suddenly it was gone and I couldn’t fine it anywhere. I thought maybe it had spilt and no one had told me, or something like that.

Then there’s the fridge being crammed so full of stuff that I don’t have space for any of my things. Plus my milk and eggs are being used. And this morning I woke up to see some of my glassware containers being used…

And Susan has her computer set up at the kitchen table which sort of encroaches on ‘my’ space so I’ve been sitting at the coffee table more recently.

Now there is a vase on the kitchen table with roses, most likely flowers for Susan from Joshua…

And yesterday I came home twice to my bedroom door being closed. Normally I leave it open so Scarlet can move about in the apartment, and because, for me personally, a closed door is not very welcoming.

So none of those things on their own are a big deal. Even piled together I don’t think it really should bother me as much as it is / was.

Susan totally hasn’t done anything wrong, so all of this discord I was feeling on the inside I felt was uncalled for on my part. She’s super sweet and nice, and would most likely feel bad if she knew that I was feeling unhappy / uncomfortable.

And really I felt like most of it was me just being a bitchy introvert.

“Get out of my hamster ball damnit!”

“But I just wanted to be your friend…” /sad face

At the same time, there is part of me that felt like my space was being invaded, especially when ‘my’ stuff was coming into question, like the coffee and my containers.

I can be a bit possessive about things. As long as you ask I’m cool. As soon as you assume it’s ok to touch my stuff I can turn pretty hostile. My stuff isn’t your stuff. So on a base level it’s about respect. Ask before using something that isn’t yours.

There’s also the fact that I most likely agonized over my purchase for days, wondering if it was a good investment of the little extra money I had, or if it would be smarter for me to put it towards my debt.

The stuff I buy tends to be higher quality so it lasts longer, because I literally think of everything as an investment. I’m not going to buy junk that I’ll have to replace shortly.

And the flower thing… I know that shouldn’t bother me. I’m glad Joshua and Susan have a healthy relationship, and I totally am not looking for a relationship of my own, but it would be nice to not have the lack of affection in my life sort of rubbed in my face…

Which I know that’s not how it is meant, but that’s how the four year old inside my brain is taking it.

So yeah, there were all of these little stings building up to make me feel not ok.

Well, while Joshua was in the kitchen we actually talked about most of it.

So has Susan sort of has unofficially moved in?

Yeah, sort of. Am I ok with that?

Yeah, now that I know that is pretty much what’s happened I can align it in my head better and officially change my perspective on the situation rather than having it be some sort of nebulously thought, or potentially looking at the situation incorrectly.

Susan is here to stay. Got it.

Next. Have you seen my coffee?

It got moved to the pantry, I guess it was hidden behind something else. No harm meant. They had been cleaning up the kitchen and it got moved.

I hadn’t meant to make anyone uncomfortable by leaving my door open. If they wanted me to start closing it when I wasn’t at home I could. Especially since recently my room looks like a disaster.

No, the door was fine, they hadn’t wanted to encroach on my privacy when they were in the living areas.

Cool, so nothing offensive was meant with the door-closing thing. I’ll just be better minded about that in the future.

The containers and flowers didn’t bother me any more after talking about the other issues. I use Joshua’s containers from time to time. So who am I to say he, or Susan, couldn’t use mine. And the flower was a cute, romantic gesture. I didn’t want to tarnish that for either of them.

Which left the whole computer desk / kitchen table issue.

I suggested that it might be easier to move the table into the living area, so both Susan could use the table, rather than having both of us both being cramped at one corner of it, sort of on top of each other.

We could basically swap the kitchen table and the couch, that way I would actually be in a little secluded corner when I cross stitch.

It was something I had thought about when I first got back home and saw the computer on the kitchen table.

Joshua was totally cool with that. So we’ll most likely do that when Susan is back over. Not sure where she is right now, but she’s not in the apartment.

So all of the issues gnawing at me got resolved. And I’m back to feeling good about the apartment.

While I still want to move in with Monica at the end of the lease, it’s not because I feel like I’m being pushed out of my current place. I’m glad Joshua and I were able to talk and ease all of it over.

That’s about all that’s gone on so far today.

I got approved for my vacation time in February. Mandie is getting married and wanted me to be there. So I get to go back home for the weekend in about a month.

Totally stoked.

I’m thinking about messaging James to let him now I will be in town for the weekend. I’m not sure yet. I need to meditate on that further.

I’m pretty much typed out, so I guess that’s my cue to go start the day for real instead of being a slacker.

Prompt Page 0009: Call Me Ishmael

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 “Take the first sentence from your favorite book and make it the first sentence of your post.“

I’m not really a fan of this post.

The first line in a book usually isn’t that interesting. And it would take much to long for me to sit and figure out which book out of all the ones I have read to use.

Most of the time I read series, so it is the overall storyline that I like, rather than an individual book.

I also don’t see how using the first sentence of a book would benefit the rest of the post, either.

What am I supposed to write about afterwards? How much I liked the book? What the sentence met to me?

It just seems like a waste of a post to me. There’s not direction to it.

“Do something.”

K?… Why?…

In my opinion a single sentence isn’t the key to an awesome story. It’s a single sentence in relation to all of the others that you have read.

Picking just one and presenting it without any of the backstory I feel takes it out of context, and it loses the power it originally had. You don’t have the epic build up to support that defining moment. There’s no connection.

I will say, that my favorite scene in a book occurred in Blood of the Fold by Terry Goodkind.

It’s a book in the Sword of Truth series, where the main character, Richard, finds out he’s a wizard and goes on crazy adventures of bad-assery.

In Blood of the Fold he is still fairly new with his powers, and ends up traveling to a school to learn more about magic.

Through his adventures he ends up befriending a Gar, which is sort of like an evil flying raptor. They’re super vicious, and if you ever meet one it’s pretty much a death sentence.

Richard had encountered a adult Gar, and killed it, only to later discover that it had been a female with an offspring. Richard couldn’t bring himself to kill the baby, and instead took care of it, feeding it and helping it survive.

He ended up naming the Gar Gretch, and they traveled together for a fair amount of time.

Eventually Richard reached his destination. Gretch couldn’t go into the city without people trying to kill him, so Richard had him stay in a nearby forest. One that people believed monsters lived inside of, so no one ventured into it if it could be helped.

Things were going alright at first, but Richard soon had enemies within the school he was going to, and he feared for Gretch. He couldn’t bear the though of losing his companion.

I believe in the story there was a group who was going to go into the forest and search for something. I don’t remember if it was Gretch specifically or something else, but people were going to be going into the forest, and the danger to Gretch was very immediate.

Richard ran from the school, trying to reach the forest first so he could warn Gretch, so he could convince the Gar to leave.

Gretch didn’t understand though. Richard kept trying to push Gretch away, to get him to leave, to get as far away as possible. But Gretch loved Richard, and he didn’t understand how Richard could want him to go away.

Time was running out. The people would be in the forest soon. Richard was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do to save his friend. But he had to do something. He had to save Gretch.

He started screaming, yelling. He started saying hateful things to drive Gretch away.

He yelled, “I don’ t love you! I never loved you!”

And that was when Gretch ‘understood’.

Richard didn’t want him anymore. Richard didn’t care about him anymore.

And so Gretch left, sad and rejected, feeling as if his parent, the being who had raised him, hated him. No longer loved him or cared.

Gretch left, flying away into the night, leaving Richard alone in the forest, fallen to his knees, crying because he didn’t mean it. He hadn’t meant anything he had said. He loved Gretch, so much. And now Gretch wasn’t there, would never be there. He was gone, forever.

Part of Richard was crushed. But he was also happy.

Happy that Gretch was alive. That even if the Gar didn’t really understand, that at least he would live.

That scene moved me so much I literally cried.

Gretch was one of my favorite characters, so much so that I named my first snake after him.

Seeing the whole scenario, the companionship before the scene, the shared moments of friendship and bonding, and then the panic from Richard, his desperation to save his friend, and Gretch’s confusion and hurt. I could feel for both of the characters, and my heart broke with Richard’s as he did the only thing he could to save someone he loved.

There is no way that could have been summed up in one sentence. There is no single sentence through the whole book, which could define one character or the other.

You have to have all of them to appreciate the picture in its entirety.

Daily Post 0012: The Dog Didn’t Eat My Homework

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Frank is doing a demo right now. And I have finished my assignments by the skin of my teeth. Currently my brain is so fried that I’m surprised I can recall how to form words, let alone string them into coherent sentences.

I have done so much art and sketching today. x.x

It was good, fun. I loved working on my assignments. I think the real reason I feel so drained right now is because my assignments weren’t the only things I had to worry about.

I had to have my files in order for the PCC Critique. Being there on time was a detail that I couldn’t really slack on, either.

Since I’m in the process of rigging characters and updating my scripts I felt it was fair to show my work along with the students. That way they can see what I’m up to.

So after I finished the tutorials for my class I had to shower and dash off to work to be there on time.

I was able to do three pages worth of warm up sketching before the critique began. I also completed a still life sketch earlier in the morning while following along with some of the tutorials.

There were a lot of people at the critique today, which totally made me happy. There was tons of great work being shown, though no one showed any scripts.

Small steps. I’ll corrupt them over the next few meetings by showing my revamped tools.

Tre and I were supposed to talk after the critique, but he ended up having to leave, and I still had a ton of work to do, so it worked out well. We agreed to meet up early next week.

I went back to the break room to finish off the last two still life images I needed to do, plus a blind contour drawing. That was actually pretty fun. I wish there had been more of those.

That finished off the first assignment that I had to do.

By then it was time for SAL so I dashed of to the other building to be at lab on time.

There was a lot of dashing today…

The second assignment was to create two road signs. Something unique. The first sign we had to choose from a list of ideas. I ended up picking Native American Village.

The second sign we could pick whatever we wanted. So I picked ‘Stitching Area’ and the image I created was a threaded needle.

It was fun, and it was really nice to be inside of Illustrator again.

I finally got that assignment submitted, and now I’m left feeling accomplished, but drained. My brain feels like it’s melted.

On top of doing all of that I had to run back and forth to the upstairs breakroom to scan my sketches twice, go by Clavan’s desk to get my birthday card, reply to several messages on Facebook answering questions from students, keep up with work emails, remember to eat, and somewhere along the way I misplaced my notebook… The one that I write my to-do lists in.

I seriously have no idea how I kept everything together today. But somehow I got to the end of it and everything got done somehow along the way.

This is one time where I can say I am totally glad that tomorrow is the weekend, and that I have no work. I have a solid two days to myself.

It was actually pretty cool. One of the times I was coming back from the scanner I saw a student who is currently in my CRI1 class. I asked if she had any plans for the weekend, and she said not really since she had to be in class tomorrow.

I asked what class, since ours didn’t have lab. She was totally shocked that we didn’t have to be at school tomorrow. She had thought we did, so she got a whole extra day to her weekend.

She was super happy about that and said that I made her whole weekend.

Warm fuzzy feelings. : )

So, I have no idea what I’m going to do once I get home. Not work… or do art… most likely I’ll make dinner and cross stitch for a little bit.

I really don’t want to listen to Eat That Frog since that’s more work, and the last thing I want to listen to is how to be more productive.

Maybe I’ll start Eldest. I don’t know. Silence could also be cool. So many options.

I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get to the gym today, but it actually worked out well to take today as a rest day.

Tomorrow I will run, and as a reward I’m going to go to my sports bar afterwards where I can have awesome wings and finish off reading the design articles for my class and take the quiz.

I want to finish off updating my script so I can re-record the demo for it and get it posted online.

Tony checked out the podcasts that I did for the SAL class and said that he loved them. He asked if I could cover an additional topic, and I got some information that I was missing for the final video I wanted to do in the render setting series. So good stuff. I would like to get those polished off this weekend as well.

So even though I’m out of commission right now, tomorrow has the potential to be awesome and just as productive as today, hopefully in a more structured way though.

But with that, I’m off to go home.

Daily Post 0011: Revving Up for the Day

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So I finally got caught up on posting all of the cross stitchings I did over my vacation.

Huzzah!

I woke up this morning to a phone call from John. He wanted to talk to me about completing the Computer Animation degree online and transfer credits. Stuff like that.

We talked about the money he owes me for the laptop I gave him while we were in Vegas together. I should be getting that money on his next paycheck.

I’m most likely going to be cancelling my WoW subscription since I’m not playing it, and I would rather not set $15 on fire each month.

Honestly I’m feeling good about the work I am doing, so I don’t feel like I am missing out by not playing the game.

Ari finally messaged me yesterday about meeting with Donna, so we got our schedules worked out. I emailed Donna to see when we could all three meet, but got an automatic replay saying she will be out of the office until the 16th.

At least she’ll have the email when she gets back, so for right now that’s on hold. I’m ok with that. At least I know where I stand instead of being in some nebulous area. I can expect a response shortly after the 16th if not on that day. Donna is good about getting back to me.

Jarrett messaged me the other night saying that he should be getting back paid soon. He was supposed to have been switched over to salary, but they kept him on hourly these past few weeks and were screwing him on hours, which is part of the reason he wasn’t able to pay the full expenses.

He said that I am a priority and that he’ll pay me back.

He messaged me at 2 in the morning, which normally wouldn’t be an issue, but I had just fallen asleep.

I told him that I was pretty sure the messages were good things but that I was too tired to process them at the moment and that I would re-read them in the morning. I also said good night.

He replied with, “Good night pretty lady.”

I feel like I am staring at a snake, coiled and ready to strike out at me. I have its attention, and that isn’t a good thing.

I don’t want advances from him. And I don’t want to have to fend him off. In a why the pretty lady comment feels violating.

I replied in the morning after I woke up saying thanks for the info, and that any news was better than no news. I haven’t heard from him since then, which I’m ok with.

Last night after I got home I started listening to Eat that Frog. It’s a book about productivity and time management. I haven’t learned anything new so far. But I have a few ideas that I’m going to try out.

I stitched for a bit after I ate dinner, while I was listening to the book. I didn’t get much done, but I’m glad that I took even the short 20 minutes I did to make a small amount of progress.

I have PCC critiques today at 5pm, and after that Tre wants to talk about scripting. Then I have SAL lab at 9pm.

So roughly 5 hours worth of time to sketch and do my assignments. Maybe more depending on how SAL goes. Frank is normally the driver, so I might be able to eek out more time in there. It all depends.

So overall a good night along with a good morning.

The daily prompt has me introspective, but in a good way.

I feel a little slow since I woke up before I was ready to (stupid phone), but I still feel good. I feel like I’ll be able to get through the day.

I’m really looking forward to tomorrow though. My first weekend after coming back to work from vacation. : )

Prompt Page 0008: In Good Faith

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“Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.“

Faith and spiritually has been an interesting journey for me.

I was raised Lutheran, though my family didn’t practice faith much. We never really went to church. We didn’t read from the bible.

I was raised that there is right and wrong, and you should always try to do what’s right, even if it’s hard. You should live by the Golden Rule, even if other people don’t do the same.

You are responsible for your actions. You can’t blame others for what you do. And everything you do has a consequence.

I like to think I turned out alright.

When my parents divorced my mom tried getting my younger brother and I involved in a local Baptist church.

We went, waking up sort of early on our Sundays. I didn’t really dislike it. But I never felt anything.

I would sit and be bored. I would always be waiting for the end, because at least then we would go get lunch. The whole ‘connection’ thing that people talked about, how they were ‘close’ with God, how they felt him… I didn’t have that.

He didn’t talk to me.

And maybe as a thirteen year old he’s not really supposed to. Maybe I hadn’t developed the awareness I needed to be spiritual.

Regardless as to why, the lack of connection bothered me. And if I am honest, Christianity didn’t feel ‘right’ to me. Which is what I think my true issue was. It didn’t feel like my religion. It felt as if I were trying to walk in shoes that were too big for me.

It didn’t feel right, and I didn’t want to do it. The shoes kept falling off because they weren’t meant for me. They weren’t mine.

There were a lot of things about Christianity that didn’t sit right with me. Things that I didn’t want to stand behind because they didn’t line up with what I internally believed.

This led to me looking into other religions. Looking to see if there was something else which would provide me the connection I wanted but was so elusive.

I became exposed to Wicca. And for the first time I felt ‘something’.

The concept of Goddess gave me a feeling of peace. The Maiden, Mother, and Crone. Being connected with the Earth and its energies filled me with a level of rightness that I had not felt while in church.

I wasn’t a very active participant in my faith. I read a lot. For me it was enough to feel something. It was right for me, and I didn’t care if I expressed it the way others felt I should. To me faith is internal, and so I was happy to keep it inside.

During this time my mother started going to a different church with my grandmother. A Lutheran church this time.

I started going too as a way to be near them and to participate in something they felt was important. I loved the singing, and several of the sermons moved me. I am not against Christianity by any means.

But I still did not feel the same connection that I did when I thought of my Goddess. And so I stayed with my own beliefs.

I’m not sure how it came about, but a few years ago I began looking into Buddhism. Not very far, and to be honest I didn’t know where to start, so I was all sorts of confused.

But I would read snippets here and there. Different lessons that the Buddha taught.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Things like that. Such small sayings that drastically changed the way I thought about life and the way I dealt with people and emotions.

I still felt connected to the Earth, I still felt energies, but I felt a connection here as well. And so spiritually I became confused.

Was I Wiccan? Was I Buddhist? Was there a mixture of the two? Could I be both?

Along the twisting road I became exposed to Odinism. Like, legit, Oden and Thor. The ancient Celtic deities of old.

Something clicked inside me. A puzzle piece falling into place.

I’m not sure if I can fully explain the feeling.

I had felt something for my Goddess, and I still do. I still have faith in her.

But I still had felt a bit like an outsider with Wicca. As if I could recognize that Goddess was true, but she wasn’t ‘mine’. She was supposed to be in my world, but I had not yet found my spiritual home.

With Odinism I felt like I had found that. I had found something that was naturally part of me. Something that had always been there, hidden in my subconscious, and finally it had come into my awareness.

I have always been in touch with my Gaelic roots, and maybe because of that fact this faith felt right. It felt true.

The more I read the more I wanted to know.

And then I found Freya.

Or maybe found isn’t the right word. I have always known of her. The same as Oden, and Thor, and Loki. It’s not that I knew nothing of the lore. It’s more that I became consciously aware of her. Much like Buddhism teaches. Living is about awareness.

The idea of Freya spoke very deeply to me.

The goddess of sexuality, fertility, war, and death.

She is a strong figure, feminine, and purely woman, yet still strong, capable. A fighter, a warrior, leading the Valkyrie into battle. Caring for the fallen by bringing them to her home in Folkvangr, where they can be happy in death.

There is something about her that fills me with strength, peace, contentment. Acceptance.

And this is where I become slightly awkward because faith is a funny thing.

As long as you are talking about an accepted faith then it’s fine. Saying you talk to God is totally ok. That you feel him filling your soul, your being, is to be expected.

And so to say that Freya speaks with me will cause people to question my sanity or to think I am being influenced by negative forces.

But I have come to terms with that. I have accepted that my faith is not everyone’s faith, and that as long as I continue to live by the Golden Rule, then it doesn’t matter what I hold to be true internally.

Freya speaks silently to me. She guides my actions. She tells me to be honorable, for myself, for those I represent, for my clan. My friends and family who have supported me and loved me through my life.

She makes me want to be a better person. To be a strong, respected warrior able to charge into any battlefield and come out victorious, whether it be boardroom meetings, or defending those I care about.

She shows me that it’s ok to do things ‘like a girl’ because there’s nothing bad or weak about being female. I can be sensual, caring, even maternal and still be a force to be reckoned with.

She shows me that there is nothing wrong with sexuality. That enjoying sex does not make me an impure person. She shows me that the body is nothing to be ashamed of. That the body is as much a temple as the mind, and should be cared for and shown respect.

I am not sure how I am ‘supposed’ to worship Freya to be honest. It’s not like there’s a Church of Freya in Orlando that I can stroll into on Fridays. At least not one I know about.

I don’t sing songs to praise her name. Or sacrifice chickens while dancing around a fire to gain her favor.

I’m sure if I found the Odinism community and became a more active member I could connect with other like-minded people.

But, again, for me faith is internal.

I show my faith through my actions. Through things that I feel, on the inside, to be right.

I workout, eat, and bathe as a way to honor the body she has given me. I help those I am able to as a way to bring honor to myself, and through me to her. I try to live my life the way I think she would want me to.

I am still looking into Buddhism. But I feel I can be both. Buddhism is more about how you perceive life. How you live and interact in the world around you. In a way Buddism is a mindset.

Freya, for me, is a core thread of my being. Something in the very center of my chest, emanating warmth, peace, and love.

Gentle with my loved ones and fierce with my enemies.

I have no other words then, this is right. This is home.

And my biggest hope is for everyone to find that level of acceptance and inner peace, no matter what religion or faith they choose to practice.