biking

Daily Post 086: The Weekend and Marriage?

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Dear Grammar Nazis,

Too long, didn’t proof read. : D

Love,
Warrior Freya

 

Yesterday was a lot of playing catch-up from my slacking off during the later portion of last week.

 

I got my last project done for my History of Visual Communications class. Two days late. I also didn’t create the assets I used from scratch, so I don’t even really know if the project will count. But I really don’t care because I loved the project and I like the way it turned out. A rubric doesn’t grade skill, or the learning experience.

 

Even if I get a zero on the project I’ll pass the class with an 80 because I got 100s on pretty much everything else. Except that one discussion post that I got a 95 on because I didn’t specifically mention at least one piece of artwork. Forget all of the amazing points I made. Because I didn’t name drop I can’t get a 100.

 

The perfectionist in me understands, but there is a part of me that looks at the assignment and goes, “This is part of the problem with our system.” It really didn’t measure anything. But I really don’t feel like going on a tangent about that, so I’m not going to.

 

I should have my final grade either today or tomorrow. It will be cool to see the comments from my instructor. She always has interesting ones.

 

It’s been so long since I wrote that I really don’t know where to start. I think the last day I wrote about was Friday. Jeez, almost a week of not writing… so much lame. It’s hard to remember the order of things so this is most likely going to be a long, rambling post.

 

Zane and I did date day on Friday. So the last day I actually wrote about was Thursday then. My day off. The day I sat and watched Boondocks for most of it.

 

Lets see then… Friday was a day of admin hours, so I didn’t have any requirements on my time. I was supposed to do the grading and work on my project, but I didn’t. Instead Zane and I sort of had a “Come to [insert deity here] meeting”. Through text because he was at work, but it was a pretty honest conversation, and it left me super introspective and shelled up for most of the day, so the gym didn’t happen either.

 

I believe the conversation started off by him asking if I was all right, which I actually really wasn’t and I told him that. I didn’t have a reason to feel sad or lonely, but I did, and I wanted to cry. Some how the subject turned to Nik and how he was feeling about that. More twists and turns in the conversation and the subject of California came up.

 

Zane has plans to move out there to open a business, and there’s a lot of perks for going to California, but the real reason behind it all was because that’s where Nik is, and Zane felt like everything in his future is uncertain now because she is marrying someone.

 

I said that the only reason I would move to California was because of him, so even though California would be an amazing move for me as far as my career goes, it’s not why I would do it. So in that regard I understood. He said he knew if we were to “hypothetically” break up that day, that California would be the one place I wouldn’t go now, because it’s something that is important to us, and if there is no us I wouldn’t want to be there.

 

He’s right. It would hurt to be there. I would think about the “what ifs” that could never happen. It would be hard for me because it wouldn’t be how it was supposed to be, so I would want to avoid it all together. I also made a joke about not breaking up “today”, that we were breaking up “tomorrow”. Leave it to me to add humor into a super for serious conversation. XD

 

The subject of what we wanted to do with our lives followed shortly after. I mentioned how I still wanted to travel, to which Zane replied that he wants to as well but he needs time and money to do that, and currently he has neither.

 

Enter in topic of the military again. Traveling is one of the main reasons I want to join still. That and paying off debt. And a ton of other pros and not a whole lot of cons.

 

Except for the cons that most of the people I have dated haven’t wanted me to join. Which has been my deterrent in the past, and now I don’t want to leave Zane. I know that’s sort of silly. I know I should be making decisions that will make me happy and move me forward to where I want to be. But I’m not ready to leave him for whatever reason.

 

Maybe it’s the fear of being alone again. Maybe it’s actually love, though I don’t think it’s love like “ ’til death do us part”. I haven’t looked all that hard at it at the moment what with making sure life doesn’t crash down around me. Damn you Past Self for being a slacker.

 

Anyway, I told Zane that the military for me would be a smart move, but that I haven’t really moved on it since being with him because I want to actually be with him. He responded with saying that I should do it before I miss out on the opportunity forever, and if he did go with me what would he do?

 

I said he could work on base, or go back to school like he wants. Pretty much whatever he wanted to do other than sit at home playing video games all day, but that’s where a lot of my conflict stems from. The only way he could be with me if I were to join the military is if he was my spouse.

 

Insert references to when we first started dating and he said that he would leave for California with out me, he didn’t want to marry because he loved Nik, and that we would eventually break up anyway.

 

Why on Earth would I have even thought that him going with me was a possibility?

 

I said that talking / typing about the subject bothered me because I didn’t want him to think I had actually been putting thought into this possibility, because I haven’t. It made me feel vulnerable because I didn’t need to hear him reaffirm the fact that it would never happen.

 

His response was that we would talk about the possibility that night. At the time my brain wasn’t able to process that information in a positive way. My fingers high jacked the keyboard and continued to pour out all of the anxiety that was building in my chest.

 

I went on to say how I didn’t want to lose Zane and that I knew that sounded really clingy and weak and how I appreciated him for putting up with me. I told him that I didn’t want to be just some person who is part of his life for a short period of time and then leaves and have our friendship / dynamic fade into the past like it meant nothing. I didn’t want to be “just a person” to him.

 

I said that he means a lot to me and the thought of him not being there isn’t a fun thought. It hurts and I don’ t like it, so I want to avoid things that make it pop up.

 

Zane: Do I need to copy paste?

Me: No. I love you. Just letting my brain rape the keyboard through my fingers. I do feel better. Who doesn’t feel better after keyboard rape?

Zane: I didn’t consent to this rape joke.

Me: Yes you did. Because that’s how consent works.

 

Sorry if that offends anyone. I found it humorous though and it helped ease over the earthquake going on inside my head.

 

We agreed we would talk about it later. I said I was going to the gym. Which I didn’t do.

 

Instead I biked to school. Originally I was only going to bike to the gas station. Roughly two miles. It’s been so long since I’ve biked. At least it feels that way. But I got to the light across the street from the station and was like, “Nope. We’re going all the way.”

 

So I went all the way to school, and I’m happy I did. The weather was awesome. Not a super strong wind, lots of sun, mostly warm, too. I went into the break room and got one of my tuna lunches with a bottle of water and ate outside at one of the tables, letting the sun warm my back and shoulders.

 

I got to let my brain settle down a little. Zane and I had broached a super sensitive subject and the world was still turning. Fire and brimstone didn’t fall from the sky. It was actually a really nice day so far and here I was pumped up with endorphins again. Yeah. Good day.

 

I biked back home after resting for a bit. So no gym, but a good workout non-the less.

 

Zane had written an email listing out hypothetical rules he would want in place if we were to hypothetically get married. I agreed with all of them. I wrote a six page email in response, explaining why I wanted to join the military, because I felt the need to go into that, along with what I would expect / want.

 

Neither of us would want anything fancy. It would be a courthouse thing. We would exchange torcs instead of rings. It would be an open marriage. It would be more a partnership really. I mean… there’s still love, but it’s not the “newly wed, let’s go on a honeymoon” sort of love.

 

I still need to explore this, but we did talk about it more Friday night while we were doing date night. We went to Tibby’s New Orleans Kitchen. It was the first time I had been there. The food was all right, but I honestly can’t say I would go back there again unless someone else super wanted to go. It seemed over priced and I know I can do better at home.

 

It was a really nice night though. I got to dress nice and do my hair. No slacker slackin’ here. Having a face-to-face conversation after all of the emotions had run their course was really nice, too. It was logical, open, non-confrontational or defensive.

 

The end result is that we’re going to re-evaluate where we’re at in November. So currently the subject is tabled, but the military is going to be my main focus now. Getting in shape for it really, which I’ve already been doing by training for my Warrior Dash, which is this weekend. >.<

 

Still sort of weird to think that before too long I might be “married”. Which really just means that when I come home to Netflix and chill, and I mean chill as in sitting on the couch in my pjs with a cup of hot tea in my hands… that I’m officially, legally allowed to get a tax break for doing it. Zane and I don’t want anything to change with our dynamic. We like what we have. I would keep my last name. It was just mean we would be allowed to stay together, if that’s the route we end up going.

 

The thought feels weird, and I know I need to look at it further, but that was a huge thing that went down.

 

Saturday I had work, which was uneventful. I used the car because the morning was productive, and even though it was another beautiful day, I ran out of time to be able to bike to school and get there on time. Lame, but I was ok with how things were working out.

 

I had figured out by then what I wanted to do for my art project so on the way into work I stopped at Publix to pick up a few magazines as well as some free publications to cut up when I found time to do it.

 

I had wanted to start that at work, but other things happened. I also wrote for the blog award I received. That was pretty awesome because I love being able to pass them on to other people.

 

I came home. I don’t really remember anything special happening.

 

Sunday I woke up at 3am wide awake. Fuck you, Body, and your increased metabolism. Since I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep for a while I went and took care of the laundry. While that was going I began cutting out words from the papers I had gotten. That was fun. I continued to do that when I got home. Zane woke up around 10. By then I had gone through everything I wanted to, and was about to move on to the next phase of the project. Gluing stuff down.

 

I knew I needed a break. I wanted to shower, step away from the project. I knew food would be a good idea since I hadn’t eaten since 3:30. A nap sounded pretty awesome, too…

 

So Zane and I cuddled for a bit as he woke up and we talked about what we wanted to do for the day. We went to the sports bar for lunch. I came home and slept for a while. At some point we talked about meals for the week. I think that was before my nap actually. I had agreed to do the grocery shopping while the Pathfinder game was going on.

 

When I got up I began work on my project again. When I was happy with it, or at least done enough to not want to keep working on it, I packed up and headed to school. I wanted to mount my project on black board and actually maybe frame it. I like the way it turned out and I’m proud of it.

 

So that was fun. The art room was completely empty. I got to scan the finished project while I was there and type up my creative brief. I got the file submitted so we’ll see what happens. I took the time to do a few other computer related things while I was in front of one, then left to go do the shopping.

 

That was a fairly painless experience since it was later in the evening on a Sunday. Got everything on the list, so that was nice. By the time I came home the guys had ordered pizza, so there was dinner that I didn’t have to worry about cleaning up after. Yay paper plates.

 

I stayed in the room for the rest of the night, though I wasn’t tired. When Zane came to bed we tried sleeping, but I kept tossing and turning and I didn’t want to keep him awake, so I ended up on the couch. Not sure when I fell asleep. 4am ish I think.

 

Monday morning we got up and got the bagels for the week’s breakfasts. I went back to sleep in the bed when Zane dropped me off back home. That was nice. I woke up around 10 and cooked the Cajun pasta to have for dinner, along with prepping all of the other veggies and meats for the other meals, so that’s done.

 

I showered and biked to school when it was time to. This month there are two labs. I told David I would take the late lab the whole month. That way the schedule is consistent for everyone. I have the light for the bike so biking during the evening should be fine.

 

The back wheel of the bike rubs against the break pad. Not cool. It made biking home way harder than it needed to be, so I’m going to look into that eventually before work today.

 

This month’s group seems really awesome. I’ve already had 3 or 5 people tell me that they’re interested in rigging as their focus. Not that I’m biased or anything… There were so many awesome questions yesterday. Like, smart, they’re thinking about the material and concepts and how to apply them to different areas, type of questions. Not, “Hey, how do I do this even though I just got out of lecture and there are like, 6 different podcasts that walk me through the project,” type questions.

 

I was talking and explaining things the whole lab. Which is awesome, but so draining. I haven’t had a lab like that in a long time. My introvert was exhausted and desperately needed my break by the time it came around.

 

So looking forward to the rest of the month though. I really think this is going to be a fantastic group.

 

I took a look at my new class. It’s a portfolio class, but I sort of feel written out for the moment, so I think I’m going to stop here and continue on with my day. I go into work for the Shading and Lighting lab at 5pm today. I had wanted to bike to the bank before going to school so I can get rent money for Trevor. I still need to make tuna for my lunches as well.

 

All the while I’m still pimpin’ out my dragons in Dragonvale, but I’ll save that tangent for another time as well.

 

Long weekend, productive, introspective, and done. I’m actually glad to leave it in the past. I’m glad to be moving forward. And I’m so glad that today is another amazingly beautiful day outside. Lets just hope I can figure out the bike so my ride isn’t as annoying as it was yesterday.

Daily Post 081: Bike Adventures Continue

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Yesterday was interesting. There was a first for me.

 

One of my students had a panic attack. She is fine, and I stayed with her until she was able to leave lab, surrounded by several of her friends who stayed behind for her.

 

Energy wise it was one of the most draining things I have experienced in a while. I sat and held her hand through the hold thing, rubbing my fingers over hers, squeezing every so often, telling her she was safe, that it was ok. Nothing but calm. I got this.

 

My shoulders hurt so much afterwards, and I don’t really know why. It was like claws had dug into me, into my muscles, and I was trying to flex and move around those claws. It hurt.

 

Zane picked me up from school once he was off work. He had messaged me earlier in the day saying he wanted to go to the sports bar or sushi cafe for dinner. He wanted to take me out.

 

We went to sushi. I hadn’t eaten since the morning and with the panic attack I was totally ok with eating out, not having to worry about cleaning / cooking, and going to sleep. The atmosphere was perfect, quiet. Zane and I had light conversation. The food was fantastic and filling. And even though the longer we were out the more tired I got, I really did enjoy the evening.

 

We stopped at Publix on the way home so Zane could get ice cream. I was driving and looking forward to parking the car and not being in charge of a two-ton vehicle, and yes I am pulling that number randomly out of my head because I don’t care enough to actually look up how much my car weighs…

 

And of course since I typed that the next thing I did was go to Google. Apparently a Mazda 2 weighs anywhere from 2,306 to 2,359 pounds. Yeah. I didn’t want to be in charge of all of that. So when Zane first mentioned going to the store my body tensed further. There would be people, and things, and stuff, and can’t we just go home? Please? No more torture? I promise I’ll be good. ;-;

 

When I didn’t answer right away he said to never mind. That it wasn’t a big deal and he could do it later.

 

Me: We always do what I want to do. I feel bad. We’re going to the store.

 

As I changed lanes he said no, to go to the apartment.

 

Me: Nope. Can’t do that now. I’ve already changed lanes. I can’t be “that guy” who changes lanes back and looks like they don’t know what they’re doing.

Zane: Yeah you can. Get in the other lane.

Me: /proceeds to get into the far left lane to turn into the grocery store

Me: I changed lanes. : D

 

Needless to say we went to the store. I got to stay in the car for that adventure though, almost falling asleep in the quiet dark because I was that tired.

 

When we got home everyone was in the kitchen. Trevor and Danielle were cooking. John was pouring a drink of some sort of alcohol. Nope. Too much. Not even going to being processing. I walked straight to the room where I changed into pjs and curled up in bed, Scarlet nestled next to my head.

 

Zane used my laptop to watch stuff on Crunchyroll since John was using the TV and I slept I think. I remember him coming into bed. There was some discord between Zane and me, which ended with me going to wash the cloths at 10pm.

 

I think it was the better option. I was awake and instead of feeling sorry for myself or staying in bed where I wouldn’t be able to sleep I got up and took care of a chore that needed to get done. It was pretty relaxing actually. I got to listen to music on my phone because I remembered to take headphones. I got everything washed and folded which made me feel productive. I got to cross-stitch and made pretty decent progress on it. I got some space and alone time, which I think I still needed from the intensity of work.

 

I got back to the apartment around midnight and slept on the couch, my brain still wrung out and tired.

 

I woke up this morning around 9:30. I hadn’t looked at the kitchen so I was pretty aggravated to see a pile of dishes, but whatever. I can take care of them.

 

I loaded the dishwasher and went to run it so I could unload it later in the day but the latch wouldn’t lock for some reason.

 

This is where I entered what I am now going to refer to as “cement block mode”. I was totally un-phased by the dishwasher not working. I can’t do anything to fix it. We’ll put in a work order and see what happens. Done.

 

Right Brain: Wait… Um… where is the freak out / break down? We skipped a step…

Left Brain: No. We didn’t. Sit down. Be quiet. And keep your hands to yourself.

Right Brain: /sits down sort of dumbfounded without causing a fuss

Left Brain: Good. /goes about tasking

 

I made coffee and breakfast since I was hungry. About that time Zane came out of the room. He asked if I had fed the cats, which I was actually just getting ready to do. The morning continued pretty well. We talked about grocery shopping and how we still have the curry to make, and the ziti to eat, so we’re actually pretty good on food, and that it might be better to hold off until around Wednesday to get meal stuff.

 

We still need things like more cat litter, cat food, Clorox wipes, bacon, and coffee creamer. We actually talked about making homemade creamer. I don’t think we’ll do that this week, but maybe next week I’ll give it a shot.

 

It was a good morning.

 

He had hugged me while I as filling up my coffee cup with water, wrapping his arms around me from behind and resting his head against mine.

 

Zane: Can I ask a huge favor?

Me: *small quiet voice as I begin to worry* Yes.

Zane: Can we please sleep next to each other? I don’t like waking up alone.

 

Ensue emotional conversation where I explain that I want to but that it’s hard to sleep next to him when my skin feels like it’s on fire. I couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down as I said I was sorry. This isn’t want I want. I don’t want him to feel bad and alone, but I don’t want to feel bad and unwanted.

 

He wiped away those stupid, annoying tears and hugged me to him since I had turned around for us to face each other while we talked. He said we would figure it out and that he loved me.

 

That made me smile, and we did have a fantastic morning. We ate together, figured out the grocery or lack there of, we discussed the plans for the day and what needed to happen when. It was a good morning even with the little bit of ickiness.

 

After eating Zane went to the apartment office to put in the work order for the dishwasher. I’ve also been seeing roaches, or maybe it is the same roach, but regardless of how many, there are invaders in the kitchen. Not cool. Pest control is schedule to come on Thursday, so that should be taken care of. The dishwasher is going to get looked at on Monday.

 

Zane also picked up roommate release forms while he was there for Trevor and John. Without those being signed they’re technically still on the lease when it renews, which will makes things crazy complicated. So lots of adulting and taking care of business on Zane’s end.

 

While he was gone I put the clothes away, cleaned up the computer desk, emptied the bedroom trashcan, straightened up the living room a bit, then showered. By the time I was done Zane was back.

 

I got dressed and called the bike shop. They had said the bike would be fixed by Thursday, but I never got a phone call or email about it, and with how tired I was yesterday evening after work I really didn’t care if the bike was done or not. I wasn’t going to go get it regardless.

 

So I called to see what was going on. The bike was done apparently and I could come pick it up. I decided to take Frank’s bike with me and donate it instead of holding onto it for the next forever, waiting to trade it in for credit towards a new bike. Maybe not the smartest move financially, but the bike is going to be in the way while everyone is trying to move their stuff, and I would rather donate it and have it be used then tripping over it for no reason.

 

It had rained all day yesterday morning which meant today it’s super cold and windy. Like, 22 miles per hour cold, winter wind. I got the bike rack on the car with Zane’s help and situated Frank’s bike on it and drove to the bike shop, holding my breath the the whole time and thinking the wind was going to blow the bike off the rack and cause the car behind me to crash and cause an 18 car pileup or something. Not a fun car ride…

 

I made it to the shop without incident though, so that was nice. Thank you, Universe.

 

I took Frank’s bike in. They rolled it to the bike and returned with mine. Yay.

 

I took it out of the shop, got on, and tried biking. Forward felt better. With all the wind I thought it was alright. When I tried to backpedal though the chain went slack… Not yay. I revoke my yay. Nay to yay. Buying a $60 tire was supposed to fix this.

 

Part of me thought about just taking the bike and chalking it up to weirdness that was actually fine. But instead I took a deep breath and went back into the store, after battling the wind to get back there on the bike because of course I was biking against the wind on the way back, and said that I thought there was still an issue.

 

Yep. Still an issue I guess. They took the bike back. I guess there was a bunch of stuff going on with the work order in the system, too, because I had to wait for roughly 10 minutes for them to figure out what was going on with it before they could make a new order for me.

 

I mentioned how I hadn’t been called and how I thought it was odd when they told me the bike was ready for pick up. The gentleman, one that I see often, but not the one I normally interact with, reassured me that they would make this right by me. He was sorry that I hadn’t been called, even more sorry that the bike wasn’t fixed when I did come to pick it up, and that they had me purchase a part that didn’t fix the issue.

 

The mechanic isn’t in today, so the bike won’t be looked at until tomorrow, but with how windy it is outside I wouldn’t be riding the bike even if I had it, so it’s not a big deal. I’m glad that I said something, and I’m super glad that they want to correct the issue rather than doing something lame like saying, “Sucks to be you.”

 

So I don’t really know when I’m getting the bike back, but hopefully before too long, and hopefully it doesn’t cost me more money.

 

I called Zane to let him know what was going on and that I would be home soon. We started having another emotional conversation. I was glad to be having it over the phone. The distance made it easier to think and talk, much the way writing helps me figure out what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t have to worry about the other person. I’m able to focus on the words and not have to process everything else. It makes it more detached I guess? It’s just information. Maybe part of me feels like it’s safer?

 

I’m not sure why this conversation was easier to have over the phone since I usually hate the phone, but it was, in fact, easier for me to talk to Zane on the ride home, and to continue the conversation once I was inside the apartment.

 

It ended with me wrapping my arms around his shoulders since he was sitting in one of the kitchen table chair and resting my chin on top of his head and saying, “I’m glad you are in my life.”

 

I didn’t have much time before having to go to work. I told Zane to enjoy his afternoon with Hannah as I switched out of my sandals into work shoes and headed out since I had to be on campus a bit early. Today was my review after all, if Clavan remembered about it that is…

 

He did remember. He actually called me to let me know he was running a little late, but that he would be in shortly. No worries. I can keep myself entertained.

 

The review went well. I still need to get better about clocking in and out. No surprise there. He was happy with my performance and he liked the goals I had picked out for myself. We have to wait and see about the Woman’s Initiative thing. I don’t think my application will get denied, but you never know.

 

One of the things he mentioned was that I had to have work related goals, and that all of my goals fell under the personal side of things, aside from the Initiative, which is still iffy at the moment. So we brained stormed a bit.

 

I’m going to be making bumpers for the podcasts he will be creating for the new class structure and doing the video editing for all of them as well. So when Clavan uses a hotkey or some sort of short cut, or talks about the path to get to a specific window, or mentions a term the students really aught to remember or write down little blurbs will pop up in the video with that information. It’s basically like making my own podcasts but not having to do the annoying part of going through the demonstration. You know, keeping the bad and going straight to the good. Yeah, it’s basically being told to do that. Yes, please?

 

I will be streamlining the online activities and information on the webpages so it is consistent over the whole course, which is basically what I’m doing for the Shading and Lighting class, only this would be for my class so it will actually count towards something. Another score in my book.

 

I mentioned how that is one thing I really liked about the Digital Graphic degree, that everything from one class to another was pretty consistent and that I would like to eventually create a template structure which all of the classes used. So we’re going to get everything straight with our class first, then propose it for across the degree.

 

I would love, love, doing that. I would totally head that up and do everything needed. Give me a week of admin hours and it will be done. At least once the template is set, because then all it is is filling in the blanks. Copy and paste really as long as I’m given the information I need.

 

So I’m actually sort of stoked for this. I think I can have fun with it because it’s design related. It’s what I want to be doing.

 

Right now I’m in lab, and things are going well. Zane is doing his thing with Hannah as far as I know.

 

It’s cold, cloudy, and icky outside, at least it was. The dishwasher is broken. The bike is a hot mess. Zane and I still have issues. I’m still in the same position at work. But you know what?

 

I don’t feel bad. I feel like everything will work out. I feel like the concrete block that I mentioned. I’m stable. Solid. The wind can keep blowing and while it might suck to meet it head on, I’m not going to be pushed back or crumble. I’m going to be stubborn and stand my ground.

 

I am the immovable object, dammit. One with cold toes, but one none the less.

 

Daily Post 075: Flexing the Girl Card

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I’m pretty sure that I am only a day behind on my writing, but since today is halfway over, and has already been a pretty eventful day, it feels like more.

 

Yesterday I didn’t do much. It was my day off. I didn’t have the car. It was a rainy, cloudy, dreary day, sort of like my mood. I slept horribly the night before because Zane kept moving around and waking me up in his sleep. That meant I didn’t really get to sleep fully, deeply, until after he left for work, which meant I slept until around noon and felt like a slacker for wasting the day away before I even rolled out of bed to enjoy my coffee.

 

I had failed before I even started. Great. Fantastic. Let me continue to fail by staying in bed for another 30 minutes just for good measure… You know… I don’t want to do anything half-assed. It’s all or nothing here.

 

I did get up eventually. I had breakfast. I had coffee. Two cups actually, though the other one wasn’t until much later in the day. I wrote a prompt page for the first time in months. That sort of helped jar me out of my funk. It reminded me that even when I feel lame and kick myself when I’m down that I’m a good person and I do good things most of the time.

 

I ended up getting dressed and biking to the bank. Zane had given me cash for his debt payment. I wanted it to be in the bank for this morning so I could pay bills and move money to where it needed to be. That meant actually getting the money deposited into my account… which meant not being a slacker and actually doing something productive with my day…

 

Fine… I’ll get up and do stuff. That way I can rest on my laurels. That way if anyone asked what I had done for the day I could feel good by replying with, “I did a 10 mile bike ride. What did you do?”

 

Yeah. Who’s the slacker now? / mic drop

 

It was actually a really good ride and I’m glad that I went. Not a ton of sun, but there wasn’t wind and it was warmer than it has been all week. It felt like a really awesome warm up to be honest. Not overly hard. Just long enough to start to get a burn going. It made me feel better about myself. About the day. It wasn’t a waste. It was just low key, like a day off should be. Sleeping in, lounging around. Enjoying my peace and quiet since no one else was at the apartment.

 

Yeah… Not a wasted day. Just a low key day.

 

I came back home and unloaded the dishwasher. I didn’t have a to-do made so I did things as I felt like it. Scarlet got brushed and we had super awesome cuddly cat time. I played Chime for a bit.

 

When Zane came home we sat on the couch and had quality time where we talked about his day and some of the calls he had to take. His hip has been bothering him. I think it’s a pinched nerve. Not fun, whatever it is. I could tell he was in pain.

 

We cooked the other half of the fish for fish tacos. Zane used a bunch of seasoning this time and it came out fantastic. Still not as great as it could have been since the lime sauce I made was a little on the weak side, but we have plans for improving the recipe which we are going to put into affect next week. Muahahaha.

 

We watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie last night. I haven’t seen the most recent movie, and I think Zane is missing the last two. Since I want to do the deck of cards as an art project I wanted to make sure I picked the right characters for the face cards. I’m not familiar with all of the characters though, so I didn’t feel I could be an accurate judge on the people I picked. Really this is just a clever ploy for movie time. : 3

 

But yeah. We watched the first movie. I cross stitched during most of it. I found out that I had made a mistake on my project but I was able to recover from it easily and made a fair amount of progress for the night.

 

Zane’s hip ended up getting worse as the night progressed, to the point where he couldn’t really walk. I went to the store and got Icy-Hot patches for him, though they didn’t seem to help all that much. There was a lot of snapping involved as I tried to help him.

 

It sucked. It didn’t make me feel loved or appreciated. We’ve already talked about it this morning. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping things in an objective mindset, but being yelled at ,“Is this hard for you?” didn’t feel good. And made me not want to help at all. : /

 

What’s the phrase about biting the hand that feeds you? Don’t do it? Can we put that into affect, please?

 

Zane slept on the couch because of his hip. I think the distance helped. I slept deeply, waking up on my own around 10. The ickiness from the night before was mostly gone, and I knew that we would eventually talk about it, hashing out all of the lingering emotions. It wouldn’t ruin the day, and we weren’t “broken”. It was just a shitty night, and we really were / are ok.

 

Zane was asleep when I went out to the living room, so I woke him up to see if he wanted breakfast. He did. He was able to walk a bit more than he had the night before and was in less pain. He had called out of work, which meant I got to use the car for the day.

 

After eating we meal planned for the coming week. Green curry, baked ziti, and another round of fish tacos since we have so much left over for it. We’re going to be doing bagels again for breakfasts, and tuna for lunches.

 

I went back to the room after a bit and did all of my bill paying. I was able to put $650 towards the card. I feel so amazing for that right now. Zane and I talked about starting to get stuff for the apartment. He wants to go out for the microwave this weekend. I think that could be fun. Date day could be apartment shopping and lunch.

 

Eventually I showered, dressing nice since I would be able to drive the car to work rather than biking. Yep. That’s right. I’m flexing my girl card today. My hair is done up all cute like and stuff. I’m wearing my maroon top with the lattice back. Nice dress slacks. Look at me girling like I actually know what I’m doing.

 

It ended up being a good thing that Zane called out of work. I don’t like that he’s in pain, but it rained all morning and didn’t stop until around noonish. I would have intensely disliked having to bike to work in the rain again.

 

Currently I’m sitting in lab, typing this up while Frank proof reads and email I need to send to my boss’s boss’s boss. Yeah…

 

I had an email last night from him asking if I wanted to run a 3D Blitz event for the school’s Hall of Fame week.

 

Yes. I do. But I don’t see how we can due to the changes in the program’s overall curriculum. It’s a long story, most likely one I will bitch write about later.

 

Right now the big take away is I’m having to email important people and diplomatically tell them that they’ve fucked up over a years worth of my effort and that unless they can help me find another way to incorporate the event that it’s most likely dead for good.

 

What I really want to say is something more along these lines…

Non-diplomatic response: “You guys fucked everything up. How is this supposed to work, and why are you asking me to do it when I’m the one who got screwed over the most? You murdered my child essentially. I would rather you burn for the rest of eternity than do something that makes you guys look good. Fuck you very much. : D”

 

No hard feelings… I promise… >.>;

 

Since I can’t actually send something like that I guess I’ll just have to be happy with expelling all of those F bombs on my blog page and move on with life. /sigh

 

Clavan and David got through all of the grading yesterday without me, so I don’t have that to worry about today. That was a positive to my day off. Work continued on without me and there weren’t fires for me to deal with for having a scheduled day off. Huzzah. Small miracles.

 

I got confirmation from Other David, the former student / current friend. We’re good for dinner tonight at 7. We’re going to Burger 21. Looking forward to that.

 

I’ve already been pretty happy with today, but I’ll save that for mostly tonight / tomorrow morning / whenever I get a chance to actually write again.

 

I’m feeling good. Life keeps on going even though some things are annoying and not fun. I’m taking care of business and making progress. Go me.

Daily Post 074: Homework Done

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I’ve been wasting the past 20 minutes on Facebook before realizing that I was… well… wasting time on Facebook. Why does the scroll wheel have to be never ending? That’s what sucks about it. It’s like the Energizer Bunny. It keeps going and going and going and going… until I’m found dead in front of my computer.

 

Luckily today doesn’t seem to be that day since I was able to close out of the tab, if just barely.

 

Today has gone well. I woke up and made breakfast for Zane and me. I packed his lunch as well. We weren’t able to spend much time together before he had to leave which meant I had breakfast in the living room, listening to the sound of the dishwasher running and drinking my coffee in the relative stillness of the apartment.

 

It was nice. Relaxing. I didn’t have my computer with me so I couldn’t worry about emails, or checking posts. All I could do was enjoy the moment. And the moment was nice.

 

Eventually I got up and changed so I could head into work. The ride was pretty decent. Cold, but no wind.

 

When I got to work I set up shop in the break room. Ari was there and we got to spend some time chatting before going about our own things. It’s been nice recently. I feel like we’re getting back to the friendship level where I don’t feel awkward around her. I feel like maybe we’ll be able to hang out without it being a bad thing.

 

I got the back of my playing card done before I had to go to the Shading and Lighting lab. I was super happy about that. It meant I was able to put together the creative brief for my assignment and post my files everywhere they needed to be.

 

If you want to see the completed project you can check out my Behance page.

 

I’m actually thinking about doing the whole deck of cards just for fun. I’ve already gone through and picked out characters for all of the face cards. And really, I think it would be a good goal for this month. It could be my art goal for each day. Spend roughly an hour each day digitally painting.

 

I haven’t settled on that goal yet, but I’m super thinking about it.

 

Lab was pretty uneventful. I made a new playlist for when I biked home. I cross stitched a bit after all of my homework was done. But nothing overly exciting to report or talk about.

 

I biked home. It was cold, overcast, and windy. Not a very fun ride. I played Chime a little when I got home, after eating and drinking a bottle of water that is. Zane got home not long after that. We needed a few things from the store. He had forgotten his wallet on the living room table this morning otherwise he would have picked up the stuff on his way home.  I wanted to go back to school to get my backpack and figured I could stop at the store on my way home, so I showered and headed back out into the world.

 

While I was at school I went to the art room to use the matte board cutter. I’ve been wanting to mail my own holiday box to my mom and brother, but I’ve been dragging my feet about finishing off the cross stitching. I needed to cut the mounting board for them so the stitcings can be framed.

 

Well, I didn’t have enough mounting board to do both of them, so this weekend I’ll run to Jo Anns again to use the last of my gift card. But I did get my brother’s done, so that was a nice feeling. I love being in the art room by myself. The lights were dim. Everything was quiet except for the little sounds I made here and there. The click of the pencil as I set it down. The sound of the blade cutting through the cardboard. My breathing.

 

I don’t know why the art room is different from other places, but it is. It feels sort of sacred in a way. Especially when it’s empty.

 

Once I locked the art room back up and put the key away I went to Publix for the handful of items we “needed” for the fish tacos Zane and I had planned for dinner. Since I don’t really do tacos I got chips instead to do a nacho bowl. I needed garlic for the lime sauce I was making to go with it. I got Andes mints while I was out for my peppermint tea. It’s been so cold at night that I’ve wanted something warm to drink. Something other than coffee because that would be an awful idea.

 

Trevor and Danielle had taken over the kitchen by the time I got back home so I had to wait before I could do anything with dinner. Actually, not only did I have to wait, I also had to clean up their dishes before I could do anything, but the positive thing I’m thinking about is how in a month and a half it won’t matter. They will move out and cooking dinner will not longer be a free for all brawling match with everyone trying to use it at the same time with a billion different dishes. I’m pretty sure the kitchen situation will drastically improve. Just have to hang in there a little bit longer.

 

And really, the situation isn’t bad. I’ve had my fair share of “bad”. This is just annoying because when I’m hungry and come home with groceries I don’t want to sit and wait my turn. I want to go ahead and continue on with my night doing what I want to do because I’m human and selfish like that.

 

But no. Instead I had to sit in the living room and actually talk to Zane. I mean, really? Why would I ever want to do that? Quality time? With him? So much lame. : p

 

It was nice. We got to talk about each others day. I got to talk about my race and how I’m starting to worry about it. It was a good talk, and by the time we were done talking Trevor and Danielle were done with the kitchen.

 

Zane cooked the fish. I cooked the cabbage a bit so it was softer for the tacos and I made the lime sauce. I think it could use more lime juice, but overall it wasn’t bad. The meal felt like it was missing something though. It just wasn’t all that heavy.

 

Zane mentioned pico would be awesome on it. Or some sour cream with tomatoes. I was still hungry so I offered to run back to the store for the additional missing items. Zane said ok, if I wanted to, so away I went.

 

Super quick trip. Returned home. Had a second bowl , which was a lot better.

 

Zane is currently napping. I’m supposed to wake him up in about 20 minutes. I’m getting pretty tired myself, and I have training tomorrow morning at 8am.

 

Clavan wants the grades done tomorrow before lab, which is at 1pm, but I’ve already put in my 8 hours today, and tomorrow is my day off. Normally I would do the grading regardless. This is the first time where I’m thinking about not doing it.

 

I want to state that the grades don’t have to be done. So not doing them isn’t a bad thing, it’s more of a, “I’m not being an over achiever” sort of thing. But I think I’m ok with that. I’m allowed to have my days off and not do work related things on them. That’s the point of it being a day off.

 

We’ll see. I might end up bored and do it anyway.

 

I talked to Zane about the money he owes me. He’s super short on money right now partly because he is trying to pay me back. I suggested that he can pay me $100 a month for a while, which will help him save money for his trip to California in March and let him get shoes and such without having to hold his breathe until his next paycheck.

 

I know I hate it when I’m constantly checking the bank account, worried that a charge is a dollar too high and that I’ll overdraft. What’s the point in working so many hours if at the end of the day I can’t indulge in a Gatorade from the gas station after my workout? It sucks. It makes things feel pointless and hopeless.

 

I don’t want Zane to feel that way. I’m cool with not getting $300 a month in pay back money. I’m not hurting for it. So $100 is fine. It’s something. If he feels like he can pay more, cool. Otherwise it can go to the Nik fund and the Apartment fund. I guess he’s already been looking at microwaves and other things we’ll need to buy. Got to love a responsible man.

 

I had a message from Alex this evening, too. He’s the guy I sent a card to during the holidays with the money order. He’s the one who gave me a lot of his furniture when he moved out to California. He was so grateful for the card and money. He said that I really didn’t have to do that, but that the money came at a time when he really needed it and that he couldn’t thank me enough.

 

I’m glad I was able to help him and that it made his situation easier. That’s what I wanted. To make things a little easier because he helped make things a little easier for me.

 

So yeah. Lots of good feelings. Lots of productivity and creativity. And right now, lots of tired. Totally going to go crash. And by crash I mean pester Zane since I’m supposed to wake him up.

Daily Post 073: Completing the List

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11pm. The end of the day. It was a good day. A long day. A cold day. But I’m happy with it. All of it. Even the cold I guess because feeling like a bank robber on a get-away-bike was pretty fun.

 

I procrastinated on my homework for longer than I should have most likely, but once I actually started working on it I was fine. And I procrastinated by writing, which I think was something I needed to do, so no regrets. I’m super pleased with the way my concept turned out. Especially for only 3 hours worth of work.

 

I already have an idea for what I’m going to be doing for the back of the card. So now it’s just execution and since the first half has gone so well I don’t have the anxiety and fear over starting it.

 

I didn’t have any emails for work. At least none of the ones I was expecting. I don’t know when Clavan wants to do my yearly review. Hopefully soon so it can be done with. I don’t really have any goals for work this year aside from continuing with my degree, but I think that’s a pretty solid goal. I think that’s a lot more than anyone else in my department is doing.

 

I don’t feel like that makes me better or that I should be treated differently. But I do think that I’ve already dedicated myself to a pretty intense project and that I shouldn’t have to do four other things along with my degree. I’m doing one major thing rather than four small things. I think that should count for something.

 

Lab was uneventful. Not many questions so I was able to work mostly uninterrupted. Ari was on campus. We ended up walking around the building when her lab went on break. It was really awesome actually. Super chill conversation and a nice mini workout.

 

It’s sort of funny how I don’t count my bike ride to and from work as a workout anymore. It’s like it doesn’t even happen. It doesn’t count. So I’m back to feeling like a slacker since I haven’t gone to the gym these past two days.

 

I did message Terri. We’re on for training 8am Thursday, which is actually my day off since I have to work Saturday. Fun times…

 

I had a message from a former student. David. He graduated a while ago and actually got hired at a local studio, so he’s been in the area, and we’ve hung out a few times in the past. He had sent me a few texts over the holiday break wishing me well and trying to see if we could meet up at some point.

 

We couldn’t get our schedules to line up, so we said we would try for something in the New Year.

 

I had a message from him his morning asking what I was up to Friday evening.

 

“Potentially hanging out with you? : D” was my reply.

 

So at the moment we have tentative plans to get food around 7ish on Friday. He needs to double check his training schedule. I guess he’s been doing Olympic weightlifting technique classes…

 

So here I am feeling all proud and stuff about my Warrior Dash and wimpy little 5k race when he’s over there being Mr. He Man… I really need to up my game. >.<;

 

He might actually be going with me to the Warrior Dash. That was the last part of our messages so far. He asked if he could watch, which sort of confused me so I asked if he meant like watching it on TV or being there.

 

“Any of the above?” was his reply.

 

I have to admit, it would be super cool, like, amazing beyond words, to have someone waiting for me at the finish line. I’ve been thinking this whole time that I would be alone. That I would achieve this thing and only I would know. Only I would be there to share in it. Which in a way is good. It is a solo triumph for me.

 

There’s mixed emotions with it, and really, I don’t know if he was serious or not. Most likely won’t know until tomorrow. So until then I’m going to force my brain to leave that alone, which means I need to find a stock pile of q-tips.

 

I biked home after work and it was a fantastic ride. Slightly on the cold side, but there was no wind which meant I was able to make decent speed, and I finally got the bike back up to the highest gear. With my extended hiatus from biking during the holidays I’ve been using some of the lower gears. Not on the ride home though. That was the top gear the whole way. /flex

 

When I got home I ate, took out the trash, cleaned the litter box, made new protein bars since I had eaten the last one I had at work, unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the sink.

 

Zane called me on his way home from work so we chatted for a bit. I ended up showering before he got home. A nice, long, warm shower. We cuddled on the couch for a little bit. No TV or other distractions. After some time had passed Zane had me listen to a few songs on his Spotify. From there we had dinner and watched a few episodes of Arrow. I guess there is a cross over episode of Arrow and The Flash and Zane wants me to be caught up on both of the shows for it.

 

At the moment I’m back at school since I needed to bring my protein bars in. I had also left my backpack here, another factor into having an awesome ride this evening.

 

I’ve emailed the St. Jude people to see what’s up with not being able to accept donations from outside the US. Hopefully I hear back about that soon.

 

Didn’t do a whole lot else I don’t think. I was able to throw some more stuff away at the apartment, so the kitchen table is one step closer to being usable. I put RainX on my glasses so I can see through the sweat and tears… and I guess rain, but mostly it’s the tears that mess me up. XD

 

I cleaned out the car, too, though it wasn’t that bad. Just some receipts and a few empty soda cans from Zane. Still felt good to clean though, because cleaning.

 

I got to cross-stitch for a while already. Most likely will finish off the thread I have going and then call it a night once I get back home. That will give me a chance to finish off my bottle of water too.

 

I seriously did write down “Relax” on my to-do list today. And I’m proud of myself for actually doing it.

 

With that I guess I’ll call it quits and head back home.

Daily Post 068: Rainy Day

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Today wasn’t a bad day, so it’s frustrating that I feel like it was.

 

I woke up, cleaned up the kitchen, made breakfast, had coffee, checked my email, posted to my blog. I did a bunch of productive stuff before showering and packing up since I had to be on campus early to sign my new contract.

 

It had rained earlier in the morning, when Zane was getting ready for work, and even though it was overcast outside still I didn’t think much of it. It was cold and windy. I knew it would be an annoying bike ride, but I didn’t think it would suck as bad as it did. About five minutes into my ride it started raining. By the time I made it to school I was soaked. My shoes were wet, too, and I think that was the worst part of it.

 

I signed my contract, which was a pretty quick affair. I went over to the break room and set up shop. I posted my discussion video to Vimeo and once it was uploaded I posted it to the discussion board for my class.

 

Eventually it was time for the Shading and Lighting lab so I walked over to it. It’s only one full lab, which means I’ll be working 1pm to roughly 5pm those days. That should give me some spare time for homework.

 

While I was in the lab I restructured my work email folders and deleted everything that I don’t anymore need since it’s the new year. I filled out the form Clavan sent me for my yearly review. I cross stitched a little bit but Frank had a puzzle game on his iPad he wanted me to take a look at. It’s called The Room. It’s pretty nifty.

 

I had a handful of questions throughout the lab, but nothing that was super crazy. A lot of it was explaining the instructions because, in my personal opinion, it’s not organized very well. I really don’t feel like bitching about work though, so I’ll leave that topic alone.

 

The whole time I was at school I was wet and cold and hungry since I never gave myself time to eat. I was glad that I didn’t have to stay for the second lab. I went home, leaving my backpack at school, and still, without the added weight the ride sucked.

 

I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to be home and warm and showered, and the whole time I was biking against the wind. I know that’s going to be great for my race and that I really should look at it as a free workout, but I didn’t want a workout.

 

There was a paper on the counter when I got home saying maintenance had been by, but instead of fixing the oven they replaced one of the burners on the stove. Totally not what I told the guy was wrong with the oven. So it’s still not working.

 

I had a message from Tre on Facebook, which led to a really nice conversation and it helped me unwind a bit from the day. He and Zach may be coming to visit Florida in February. It would be great to see both of them again.

 

I got a game of Chime in before Zane came home. I completed the level I was on with 163% and demolished my previous high score by something like 2,000,000 points.

 

Pardon me. Badass coming through.

 

Because of the oven still being out of commission and my crummy day Zane and I went to Moe’s for dinner. We stopped by the school first to pick up my backpack, then went to dinner where I used my gift card to pay. I still have enough for one more outing. I intend to use it for alone time.

 

I kind of wasn’t ok with using it tonight. It was supposed to be my gift, but Zane doesn’t get paid until Friday, and I didn’t feel like spending any more actual money on food. Since the oven won’t be fixed tomorrow we’re most likely going to go out again. All I want is a home cooked meal. >.<

 

After eating we came back to the apartment where we worked on fleshing out the character I’m going to be taking over in his game. We watched the last two episodes of The Flash, which means we’ll be moving on to season two.

 

Zane is currently sleeping. I had mentioned how I wanted to be near him, but that I wasn’t tired. He said I would keep him awake with my tossing and turning, so I stayed in the living room to play a few more rounds of Chime, but it didn’t have the relaxing vibe I was looking for anymore.

 

Right now I feel overly warm and I’m not sure if that’s from not drinking enough water, or if I’m getting sick. I have training with Terri tomorrow, but other than that my day is pretty free.

 

I’m tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.

 

I had another dream last night and though I remembered it in the morning when I woke up, I don’t really remember it now. I remember it had something to do with pull ups. I was proud of myself because I did five of them on my own. There was more to the dream than that, but that’s all I can recall about it.

 

I want to go to the room. Right now I’m still in the living room, typing away at my laptop, but I wanted closeness and instead of a an INFJ response I got an INTJ response and so I don’t feel closeness right now.

 

Logic, logic everywhere, but not a hug in sight.

Daily Post 066: The Curse of Getting Destracted

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I totally had a post already written up. I was so proud that I wrote this morning after I woke up, my coffee next to me as I started my day off “right”.  I honestly thought I had already posted it, so when I closed out of the program and looked at my blog only to realize that all of the writing I had done was lost for forever… I really don’t know what to say other than, that really sucks.

 

I don’t even really remember all that I wrote about because it was pretty free form and just typing stuff out. Well… I guess all I can do is think back over everything and made a whole new post because there’s no real way to get the old one back.

 

I got everything figured out with my class. I don’t know why my paperwork wasn’t processed like it should have been, and it’s pretty frustrating that it wasn’t. I am going to have to wait three months before I can switch over to the new degree. Luckily there are other online classes that I am schedule for, but still. I won’t officially switch until April. And I don’t even have a reason as to why.

 

I’m back in History for Visual Communications. I’ve done most of these assignments already. This is the class I was taken out of for my leave of absence. I’ve already gotten the reading for the first week done. I have an outline for my discussion response, and I have brainstormed my idea for the first project. I plan to go to school tonight to record my responses, which will allow me to edit the video tomorrow before posting it to the discussion board.

 

I found out my graduation date is October of 2017. That brings up all sorts of feels. Zane had mentioned how he wanted to move to California next year, and that if I wasn’t ready to move by then that he would leave without me.

 

I understand that. When I saw my graduation date in the email my heart sort of fell, though. I remembered that conversation. I told Zane about the date and he asked if I could survive 8 months without him.

 

I said that yeah, I could. I would have to. I would find a way to make it work. I would move somewhere else, or get new roommates. Life isn’t going to stop just because he moved away. It would suck and I would hurt, and I would have to keep going just like every other time something in my life changes.

 

It’s one of the reasons I still think about joining the military. By the time I’m done with my degree I’ll most likely be on my own again, so why not? It’s not like I would have much keeping me here. It would finically be smart and I could travel.

 

I was completely unprepared when he responded with maybe he would stick around for me.

 

I don’t know how to feel about it.

 

I want to believe it. I want to feel worthwhile and worth sticking around for. I want him to be supportive of my goals and endeavors so when I move out to California I can be supportive of his. I want to feel secure enough, safe enough, to believe those words.

 

But there’s a part of me who doesn’t want to believe them. It’s easier to not believe them so I don’t feel like a fool when he leaves next February and I find myself alone again. I won’t have to deal with the, “I told you so”s inside of my brain.

 

I feel very vulnerable right now and I know it won’t get better until I talk to him about it.

 

I wonder if it was meant as a joke. I don’t think so. It wasn’t said jokingly. And it’s sort of on the “sensitive topic” list which we’ve agreed to not joke about. More communication will ease this over, and until it happens it’s just another knotted ball inside of my brain to go along with all of the others.

 

That was really the only bit of “ickiness” from yesterday, and even at that, it’s all inside of my head so it’s not really icky.

 

I haven’t been sleeping well the past few days. I keep waking up and feeling unrested. I keep having weird dreams even though I don’t remember them well enough to write. I know one of them was about ice staking, which may sound weird but while I was in middle school I took ice skating lessons and almost started competing.

 

In this dream there’s some sort of fire demon / monster thing, and there’s a group of us trying to keep it from getting to the general public. They, the general public, can’t see the monster, but we can. And I say we because there’s a group of us fighting the thing even though I don’t remember anyone specific. The monster is huge, so much larger than us, towering over us, and it’s coming down from a mountain, even though there isn’t on in the dream. It’s coming down from somewhere high, and that’s all I remember.

 

That’s the only dream I can recall any sort of detail about, and while it didn’t leave me with bad feelings, more caution than anything, I wasn’t rested or ready to get out of bed.

 

I had wanted to start my day early with Zane, but ended up sleeping for a few more hours after he left for work. I got up around 10:30 yesterday. I had breakfast, I checked my personal email and got caught up on the blogs I follow, then my work email. After that I checked out my class which is where I saw I was still scheduled for a campus class and that whole clusterfuck began.

 

I got the ball rolling on the emails to get my course taken care of. I wrote my previous blog post and did a few other minor things before heading out to start my day.

 

I stopped at the office first to put in a work order for the stove. They didn’t know when maintenance would be by, but I had done my part, so I left to go to the gym.

 

I’m trying something new with my workouts. Instead of having days where I focus on cardio or strength, I’m testing something out where I incorporate them into a single workout.

 

Yesterday I ran a lap around the track then stopped to do a rep of free weights or body weight exercises, then ran a lap, did a rep, lap, rep, lap, rep. It was pretty intense, but I really liked it. I can totally feel it today, especially across my shoulders. I used 10 pound weights instead of the six or eights that I’ve been using with Terri.

 

Of course I did all of that in addition to the 10 mile bike ride to get to and from the gym. x.x I’ve been enjoying not doing much today. Zane and I have plans to walk later tonight which will help loosen my legs a bit. I still might do yoga at some point. It would be the kinder option for my body.

 

Once I got back from the gym I boiled eggs for tuna, though I didn’t actually make it until this afternoon. I packed the hookah with honey, guava, and rose since Zane had a rough day at work. We watched two episodes of The Flash last night so we only have two more episodes left in season 1. He cooked dinner last night. Nothing fancy, just burgers, but they were super tasty.

 

We’re supposed to cook Shepard’s Pie again, but until the oven is fixed we can’t bake anything, so that sort of sucks.

 

I cross stitched on and off yesterday. I’m going to have to buy more of the blue thread I’m using.

 

And that was pretty much yesterday.

 

My day today is almost over, but I’m going to wait to write about it until either before bed or when I wake up tomorrow morning. Hopefully whenever the next time actually occurs I don’t delete my writing and have to redo all of it. Because… yeah… that was lame.

Daily Post 065: The Not So Daily Daily Post

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It’s been a while since I have done a daily post. Of course that’s after I said I should get better about writing daily… Seems to be the way it goes. State something and do the opposite right?

 

New Years Eve was annoying. It turned from being a night alone with Zane to an impromptu party at our place… not cool. Super not cool that I accepted the fact that it would be sort of loud until after midnight, only to be woken up at 4am by a drunken yelling match over theology.

 

I don’t care how interested or passionate you are about your stance. I’m trying to sleep, and you’ve already been invading my space for the past four hours. STFU and GTFO.

 

I know I was pretty bitchy when I went out of the room and informed everyone, “It’s four in the morning.” And I still don’t care. I did my part. I let them have their fun. There’s a time limit on loudness, though.

 

Zane and I had an actual date day where we both dressed nice. I got to wear one of my new tops. The maroon one with the lattice back. I wore it with my long black skirt that I got last year. Zane liked it. I liked it. The food was awesome. It was a good day.

 

We’ve gone back to watching The Flash. I think we have 4 more episodes or so in season one.

 

The stove broke last Friday, and because that’s not listed as an emergency thing we weren’t able to put a work order in for it until this morning since it was the holiday and all. Super sucked. Maintenance still hasn’t been by to fix it.

 

Training with Terri last Thursday morning was great. We upped the free weights I was using. I upped them again today while I was training on my own. Zane is going to be getting me the free weights for home this paycheck. He also wants to get running shoes so he can run with me in the mornings before he goes to work.

 

We went walking together yesterday afternoon before his Pathfinder game with Trevor. Yesterday was a raining, cold, wet, icky day. He loved it, and I enjoyed it too for the most part. I don’t mind rainy days and long as the next day is sunny.

 

We drove to one of the bike trails and walked together while it drizzled on us. It was nice. Bonding. We got to talk about a lot of things we both have bouncing around in hour heads.

 

I like how our relationship is improving and it has nothing to do with sex. We’re not fixing it with a chemical band aid of endorphins. We’re legitimately addressing our issues and making significant, quality time for each other.

 

The apartment might be better than we think. Uke is going to join the Navy in the next month or so, but he still wants to pay to have a room in the apartment, that way when he takes leave to come visit he has his own place to stay, rather than having to crash in his parent’s guest room. That means it will pretty much just be Zane, Hannah, and me when the lease renews. Uke might be here for a month, but he won’t be around all that long.

 

And Hannah is only going to stay until her degree is done, which I believe is around June or so. Once she moves out, it will be just Zane and myself, while Uke is still paying $500 in rent. I could take over Hannah’s room as a craft / workout / guest room. And everyone’s rent will still stay fairly low for roughly six months because it will be four people doing rent, rather than 3.

 

It just seems like it is working out well. Two-ish months left until everyone leaves and I can deep clean the apartment and set it up the way I want. I’m looking forward to it, and so is Hannah and Zane.

 

I found a new cross stitch to work on. It’s a series actually, of the seasons. Right now I’m working on Winter, which I think is fitting. It’s a nice cool, calm, blue and it’s helping to remind me that right now it is a season for rest. Regrouping. It’s helping me to accept that here is where I am, and here is where I should be.

 

I have two other cross stitches that I’ve finished and need to wash / scan so I can post them online. I still have a ways to go with this one so I might take care of those today rather than waiting.

 

I found out today that I’m still scheduled for campus classes rather than online classes, which is going to mess stuff up. I have already emailed my Faculty Affairs contact as well as my instructor to let them know of the issue. I’m still waiting to hear back about the problem, but at leas that ball is rolling. I have an appointment on Wednesday to sign my new contract for the Digital Graphics degree.

 

There was also an email in my work inbox about this years Wellness Check up. That’s the thing I did last year where if I go and let them take my vitals I get an extra day of vacation time. Needless to say I already have a time scheduled for that.

 

I went to Jo Anns and got fabric scissors with the gift card my mom got me. That was actually pretty awesome. The brand I like is super expensive. The three inch embroidery scissors that I got were over $30, so I was expecting these to be around $40 or $50. Not surprising they were $44. A little bit more than what my gift card was for, but I was ok with that. They were going to be so worth it. I was day dreaming about how awesome it was going to be to cut the fabric for a new cross stitch project. How they were going to glide through the fabric…

 

Of course I was day dreaming because I had to stand in line for 15 minutes waiting to be checked out. No one’s fault really. I guess the computers were having issues and making the transactions take longer than they normally would have.

 

When it was my turn to check out I was asked if I had any coupons. Nope, not today, was my answer. The cashier asked if I had a smart phone, to which I said, “Yeeeah…” sort of drawn out. Really what I was saying was “Yes, I do have a smart phone, but I don’t understand how that is relevant to anything at the moment.”

 

“If you go to the website there’s a 50% off coupon we can use.”

 

!!!!

 

So I used my spiffy awesome iPhone to go to the website, and sure enough, under the coupons section there’s a barcode for 50% off your purchase. I got my amazingly expensive scissors for $22, and still have money left of my gift card to get mounting board, fabric, thread, more needles. Whatever I want. It was so awesome, and I was beyond grateful to my cashier. She totally helped make my day. It’s not in her job description to save me money, but she went out of her way to make sure I had fantastic experience, and it actually helped wipe out all of the negative experiences I have had at that particular store.

 

I called my mom as soon as I got back to my car to tell her about my own coupon story. Since she’s all hardcore into coupons she’ll tell me about how she gets rung up for $50 or more and walks out only paying $5 or something crazy like that. Well ha! I am a coupon champ, too! : )

 

I thought she would like to know that I was able to get something I really wanted with her gift card, and not only did I get it, I got it half priced and still have money to play with.

 

Things are going good for her. She’s loving being with Jace and taking him to the park and being grandma. I plan to call her later today to chat for a bit since the call on Saturday was kind of short.

 

I think those were all of the major points. I got the laundry done and put away yesterday. I’m doing good on the grocery budget. I have $40 in play money left. Actually a little less than that since I bought Gatorade at Walgreens this afternoon, but yet. Still doing good there. I made a big payment on the card again. Rent is paid, all bills are taken care of.

 

I’ve gone to the gym, so I’ve biked there, ran intervals in-between weight training, then biked back. I’m thoroughly enjoying sitting on my ass at the moment. Just making sure everyone knows that. I also don’t plan to move very soon.

 

There’s still a few things I want to get done today, but for the most part I’m enjoying, finally, having the apartment to myself and the alone time I’ve been looking for since halfway through December. I feel like I’ve done good with my reconstruction stuff. There are still things in that area I want to do, but yeah, forward movement all around.

 

The only way it could get better is if it were warm outside.

Daily Post 064: Migraines and New Cloths

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I need to start writing daily again, as the name implies rather than skipping out on it. Having days and days to go back over is annoying. >.<;

 

Monday was a pretty good day. I eventually did all of my running around. Way later than what I had originally wanted, but it did get done, which was fantastic. I biked to the post office and got the phone shipped off. I even got a confirmation email from Verizon, so it’s officially official that it’s on its way.

 

I rode the short distance to my bank to deposit the money Zane had given me for the car insurance. I had forgotten to do that when I deposited Marcus’ money for the commission. But all of my cash is now safely tucked away in a bank and simply floating numbers attached to my name so if there is ever an attack on our banking system which causes it to crash I can rest easy knowing that I will have nothing left to my name. It’s sort of creepy when you stop and really think about it…

 

From the bank I went to the UPS store. I’ve never biked down that particular street before, but it wasn’t bad. Pretty much a straight shot. The gentleman helping me was extremely nice and we got the last cross-stitch gift I made packaged up and shipped out. That was a huge, massive task off of my list. One that has been sitting there for about a week if not longer.

 

Once that was done I went across the plaza to the Publix store. I wanted to get something to drink before heading home, and possibly something to eat. Something light that wouldn’t bog me down too much. I ended up getting a Summer Roll from the sushi display along with 3 bottles of Gatorade. They were buy 3 for $4. Pretty good deal and I now have a stash at home since I only drink about a quarter of a bottle at a time.

 

When I was done eating and drink and resting I biked back to the apartment where I vacuumed the living room. I made a small donation box since I want to donate my cross stitch books and Zane has a few items he wants to get rid of as well. I messaged Shane about meeting up for a biking adventure, but haven’t heard back from him. I’m not sure if it would be appropriate to invite Frank. I’m still not sure where I stand with him any longer.

 

When Zane got home I went out and did the laundry. Actually, I first went to Moe’s and had dinner using the gift card my mom had gotten me. It was nice being able to sit alone. I wish I had taken my headphones though. Creating my own little bubble of sound would have been icing on the cake. It was a good dinner regardless and I’m happy that I got some time alone like that.

 

I had been fighting off a gradually growing migraine, and it didn’t let up at all as the night progressed. I went to the laundry mat and took care of the clothes, cross stitching while I was there, but by the time I got back to the apartment the only thing I wanted was darkness and silence. I went to the room after drinking more water and tried to sleep. After about an hour I got up, got an ice pack and went back to bed, with more water.

 

Zane came to sleep at some point. And that was Monday.

 

Tuesday was a good day, too. Without headaches! : D

 

Zane and I woke up and made plans to do all of our running around before the afternoon since he had plans with Trevor. We went to breakfast at a bagel shop, then continued with our tasks by going to a new oriental market. I don’t like it as much as the other one we have gone to. There wasn’t a very large selection of fresh produce which is what I was interested in.

 

Since we were in the area we went to Avalon. I wrote about it a bit when Zane and I first started dating. It’s a metaphysical store that he wanted to take me to. When he became unemployed he didn’t want to go because he didn’t have money and I guess we’ve both forgotten that there are actually places we want to go and things we want to do together.

 

So we went there yesterday. It was interesting. I’m not really sure what else to say about it. I was hoping to find a torc. But they didn’t have any. I guess that’s a good thing. It would have been close to $100 if not over, I’m sure. And really torcs are supposed to be given as gifts. I’m not sure if it would hold the right significance if I bought it for myself. But then, I’m not really sure who would buy it for me. It’s not like anyone in my life is into the Celtic way of life. And then what happens if this person gets it for me and we have a falling out? What do I do then? Would it still be right to wear it?

 

Bah, human relations and their complicatedness. >.<;

 

Anyway, there wasn’t a torc so it’s really academic at this point.

 

We stopped at the mall so I could pick up my tops. I tried them on while I was there. I didn’t like two of them. Not a big surprise that I wanted to return part of my order. I’m really picky with stuff like that. I loved one of the tops though, and the store happened to have the red one I wanted, but hadn’t been able to get because the online store was sold out. Score! I even liked it after trying it on, double score!

 

By the time that was done I was exhausted. Seriously, driving home was hard.

 

I ended up taking a four hour nap, and I regret nothing.

 

I talked to my mom after I woke up while drinking coffee since I hadn’t had any yet. While I was on the phone with her I got a call from Clavan. Once my mom and I said goodbye I called him back to see what was up. He wanted to clarify that I was taking next week off, so everything is squared away with that. I’m going to be going in on Wednesday since that’s the only day during the first week that CRI1 has lab, instead of coming in on Friday. That’s fine in my book.

 

I had a message from Terri asking if we were still on for training on Thursday. I’m pretty sure I’m not prepared, but I said that would be fantastic. No time like the present to get back into the swing of things… >.<;

 

I replied to a handful of posts that I really enjoyed after that. By the time I was done Zane was back home. Since this week is his week for groceries I took his card to go out and finish the shopping. I ran over to the produce store to pick up the things we hadn’t been able to get at the oriental market. I went to Wal-Mart too since there were a few things that I needed that Publix most likely wouldn’t have had.

 

Things like masking tape for my cross stitchings and in/out paper trays. Zane and I want to try something to see if it helps with organization on my computer desk. Having two people use it is going to drive me crazy and not in a good way since I view it as my space.

 

I was able to get the last bit of grocery done while at Wal-Mart, which was nice, but it was pretty late by the time I was done, and I knew Zane hadn’t started any sort of cooking since I had part of the groceries he needed, and because he was in the middle of working on a project with Trevor.

 

I decided to stop at Publix to pick up a rotisserie chicken with some sides for dinner. I got a mandolin slicer while I was there. It’s been something I’ve wanted for a while. We were going to wait until the lease renewed and we were in the middle of buying stuff for the kitchen anyway, but I want to make home made apple crisps this week and I wanted to be able to have pretty apple slices rather than jagged misshapen apple blobs.

 

Ok, I can cut better than blob shapes, but it made me happy to buy it, so I did. And I’m still sitting right where I want to be as far as finances go, which makes me feel good.

 

After all of that I came back home and put all the food stuffs away. I made a plate to eat and watched an episode of Beautiful Bones with Zane. I tried going to sleep after that but to no avail. I ended up sitting on the couch with him for a bit, just chatting, no tv or anything in the way. It was nice. I think we had a good conversation.

 

I tried going back to sleep after that, but again, couldn’t.

 

I ended up sleeping on the couch so my tossing and turning wouldn’t bother Zane when he came to bed.

 

His morning has been frustrating and I’m trying to not let it bother me. I’m still a little eh from not sleeping well myself. I’m not really sure what to do with my day, but that’s mostly because I haven’t written a to-do list yet. I haven’t even finished my coffee. It’s been sitting next to me growing cold as I type.

 

So I guess I should go for now, figure out my day and what to do. It’s day two of my actual vacation. I want to do something other than sleep during it.

Daily Post 063: Recaping ’til Today

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Fair warning. Not proof read. Please don’t kill me. >.<;

 

I’m about an hour behind where I wanted to be today, but I’ve gotten a lot more done than I thought I would, so I guess it evens out.

 

My last post started as a daily post but quickly turned into a Musing Moment type of post. It’s the beginning of my reconstruction phase. I like the way that word feels. It doesn’t make it seem like a negative thing. I’m not lost and searching for my soul. It’s an active word, a strong word. It brings to mind planning and intention. Determination. It’s a fitting word I think.

 

So yeah, I got a lot of stuff figured out yesterday which left me tired. And since that post spanned two days, I’m not really 100% sure what I’ve covered and what I haven’t. I’m going to briefly recap a bit of Christmas and the following days, and hopefully I don’t double up on all that much stuff.

 

Christmas Eve found Zane and I eating tacos and watching anime while I franticly worked to finish my commission. I wasn’t able to that night and had to use part of Christmas morning to finish it off. Zane and I had bought a duck for Christmas day, which we baked. Not exactly the Turduckin we had talked about earlier in the year, but duck is awesome, so it was still good. It also gave us something special and different for the day.

 

I started a new cross stitch pretty much as soon as I finished the commission. I loved working on it, and I feel like it came out well, but I was tired of working with the same colors on such a large piece. I was tired of working on a large piece in general. I wanted to do something small, cute, and colorful so I could hold something in my hands.

 

The day was pretty low key. We didn’t do much. I messaged the people I wanted to, and I got to talk to my mom for a bit and told her thank you for my Christmas box. I didn’t tell her about crying as I opened it. I’m sure she knows that I did because she knows me.

 

I wrote my post about my mom later that evening which meant more tears, but it was cathartic.

 

Saturday was another low day. I didn’t have a lot of energy. Zane was itchy though. He wanted to be out of the house, so we made plans for lunch. We stopped by the post office so I could mail a few cards out, then stopped by the bank so I could deposit the check I had gotten from my younger brother for the storage unit. Not sure if I mentioned it, but he paid me $150, so he’s paid up until the end of February, which should be when we’re getting rid of the storage unit because everyone is moving out of the apartment.

 

Still not really sure about that game plan. Trevor and Danielle are still planning on moving out, but John has been away for the past week, so we’re not sure if he is still planning on moving in with his girlfriend. I’m not going to let myself stress over it though. February is still a ways away and I have other things on my mind at the moment. To the back burner you go.

 

Zane and I tried going to chick Fil A for lunch but it was packed. Not surprising really. We ended up going to our sports bar instead. And at the moment I type “our” without the tension I have felt about that in the past. It feels more integrated right now. More appropriate.

 

We made plans to see Star Wars later in the evening with his brother, Uke, and Trevor. We came back home after eating. I remember he packed a bowl of shisha, but I can’t remember the flavor. Marcus and I had been chatting off and on through text messages about meeting up to give him AJ’s gift. That ended up happening around 5pm.

 

She super loved the commission, and Marcus gave me $100 instead of $75, I know that is still way under what I should have charged, but it was a great learning experience, and I’m happy with how it turned out. Maybe next time I’ll stick to fair pricing. Zane was a little annoyed with me because I essentially created two designs, created the pattern, stitched the commission, cleaned it, framed it and even provided the frame that was used. All for $100. And even then, that wasn’t the amount I was expecting to get. I was expecting $75.

 

When looking at it that way, how I literally put in over 40 hours worth of work into it, yeah, I can see why he’s frustrated with me. I always sell myself short. I also normally underestimate how involved something is going to be, which we decided wasn’t a dependability issue, but more of a judgment issue.

 

That made me feel better since I was having doubts about being a dependable person since I wasn’t able to get the commission done before Christmas.

 

I ended up having a bit of a … thing? … with Frank. It actually really hurt and I almost let it mess up my night.

 

Frank has been planning a card night since before the holiday break. Since I didn’t know what was going on with my family I never solidified plans to actually go, but he kept reminding me and saying if I was in town that I was welcome.

 

I got a message from him while I was out giving the commission to Marcus and AJ. When I replied that I wouldn’t be going he said that he was sorry his plans were so last minute, oh wait, they weren’t (insert : p emote) and to enjoy the movie.

 

It felt snarky to me. I know I should have let him know sooner that I wasn’t going to be there, but I felt like his message wasn’t nice, or fair. I feel like I hurt his feelings and his comment was his retaliation against it. It still sucked. A lot.

 

After talking to Zane about it I sent an apology, since that’s really all I can do. But it leaves me in a weird spot, and I haven’t figured out what I want to do about it.

 

We ended up going to the movies and even though I haven’t seen all of the Star Wars movies, and even though I’m not a huge Star Wars fan, I actually really enjoyed the movie. The VFXs are awesome, and there’s tons of practical FXs as well, which I sort of have a greater appreciation for. I felt the pacing of the movie was done well, and that the character development was decent. There was also a lot of non-verbal communication. A lot was said through body language, and facial expression, rather than overly dramatic dialogue.

 

After the movie Zane, Uke, and I came back to the apartment and chatted about it for a while. Eventually I couldn’t stay awake any longer and left the conversation. Zane came to bed a bit later, after Uke and left.

 

Sunday started as an icky day. I woke up sad. I woke up feeling sorry for myself. Zane is having to work through some stuff with Nic and his plans for going out to California to visit in March, so I really think for the most part we were feeding off of each other. We noticed it Saturday while at lunch. I guess that’s a downside to two empaths being around each other.

 

Anyway, the morning was rough, but ended up getting better. I finished my little cross stitch. I need to wash it still, but I will have a picture up soon. I went through all of my cross stitch books looking for new things to do. I am going to be donating most of them away. I don’t want the patterns any more. I’m not going to actually complete them, so they’re just sitting around doing nothing. I would rather someone else be able to get some use out of them.

 

I did find a few individual patterns that I want to keep, so I packed those books into my backpack and then headed out to school. I wanted to get some space, and both Zane and I thought that would be a good idea.

 

I got a chicken sandwich from Wendy’s on my way to work. I was the only one there, which was exactly what I wanted.

 

I finished writing my Musing Moment before doing anything else. That took a while, but I’m glad for it. It made me feel better, less sad and lost feeling. It made it easier to want to do more things. Productive things.

 

I went through my work email since I’ve been away for the week. I might be able to count my Vimeo tutorials and Creative Crash scripts as experience. Donna had emailed me asking for verification and links to my profiles. That would be fantastic. I would have four years of experience then, at least experience the school would count, because, you know, teaching the content you’re qualified to teach doesn’t count as experience…

 

Oh. Total tangent that has nothing to do with anything that I have typed about so far. On Christmas I talked to Allison, my best friend from high school. She finally got engaged. Wooo. I seriously feel like the only person left who hasn’t gotten married or had a kid. But you know what, I’m pretty ok with that.

 

Anyway, back to where I was. I took screenshots of my account settings, which shows when my accounts became active as well as providing links to everything I felt was relevant. So we’ll see what happens with that.

 

I scanned the images I wanted to keep from the cross stitch magazine and the booklets. I posted the image of my commission to Word Press and Facebook. I had a cup of coffee while doing all of that, which was nice. The one I had this morning wasn’t all that awesome since I was sad feeling and mildly having a spat with Zane.

 

Once I was done with everything I wanted to do at school I packed up and headed back home. I sent a text message to Zane to let him know I would be back shortly. He called to see if I had eaten yet. I told him about the sandwich I had had a while ago, but that I wasn’t all that hungry. He said he had gotten pizza and that I could have a slice, just not all of it since he was going to be using it for lunches this week at work.

 

He also said that I didn’t have to go back out and do the laundry. He said we could do that Monday night once he got back home. That totally made my night since I wasn’t looking forward to having to go back out. I mean, I was going to do it, but that doesn’t mean I really wanted to do it.

 

Instead, I got to come home and create a few new cross stitch pattern files with my nifty MacStitch software. The patterns I had scanned were old images, before there was really any sort of software to make the markings neat and consistent. So I used the printed copy as a guide to recreate the pattern essentially. I’m not sure how this works with copy right. I’m not sure if they are old enough to be non-copy written any more, or if that’s a thing, or what.

 

Since it’s for personal use I don’t think I’m breaking any rules. I think it would be an issue if I started trying to sell them off as my own. But even then, I’ve made my own changes to the patterns. Change the color, adding boards… Ehh… I don’t know. I guess until someone comes up and says, “Hey, I’ll make you independently wealthy if you stitch this for me,” it’s sort of academic and just playing the “What if” game.

 

Independently wealthy is pretty tempting though…

 

So that was pretty much the rest of my night. I started a new project. Another little cute one. I have an idea to turn it into a full on project, but that’s a super secret squirrel thing at the moment. Until I get it solidified in my head I really don’t want to say much more about it. It’s going to be for my mom though. Muahahahaha. >: 3

 

I haven’t done much for my Soul Reconstruction yet today, and it’s already 1:30. I’ve been up since 10:30. I had breakfast. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I wrote down a long jumbled list of things I wanted to do. I didn’t worry about order or organization. Just scribbled things down as they came to me.

 

I had a message from Zane asking to look up curry recipes for duck since he wanted to do something along those lines. That led to an hour or so of me looking at recipes in general. I’ve gotten a new bookmark folder on my Chrome bar with things I want to try. I went through and found specifically paleo recipes that I thought both Zane and I could appreciate.

 

I’m not a hard core follower of the paleo diet. Sorry, I like cheese, and I swear if you take my coffee creamer away you won’t survive… But I like the idea of eating non-processed foods more frequently, and to be honest, a lot of the recipes are crazy simple and so flavorful it’s not even funny.

 

It’s weird. When I gave up soda and started to drink solely water I realized how sweet water actually is. How refreshing and sustaining something so simple is. And now when I drink soda all I can taste are the chemicals, salts, and how it makes me feel gross and icky afterwards, especially if I drink a lot of it.

 

I guess food is the same. The more I cook my own food, the more I stay away from fast food, the more I realize how much I don’t actually enjoy going out to eat all that much anymore. How bland and flavorless everything is. How everything is fried. I would rather go to something like the sushi café, or my sports bar because I know they serve better quality food. And I suppose I should say when I get wings from my sports bar I get them grilled instead of fried.

 

I like eating fresh things because they make me feel better, and maybe part of that is all inside my head and more placebo than real science, but I honestly don’t care. If it makes me feel better, even if it’s just a mental trick, then it’s worth it.

 

So yeah, I have a bunch of things I want to try making. Zane had already picked out the meals for the coming week. Since I’m still on vacation I asked for tuna lunches. Something quick and simple and cheap. We’re going to be doing Shepard’s Pie again since we still have veggies for that. The duck curry which will use the legs and wings, and then duck sandwiches for the breast meat. I also took the extra chili from last week out of the freezer, so there’s about four servings of that as well.

 

After playing around with recipes I went through and cleaned up my downloads folder on my computer. Something that I have been neglecting for far too long. I went through my DropBox folder as well, cleaning, organizing, and deleting things. After that it was my Google Drive’s turn to be tidied up. I went through my personal email account, deleting messages up until July so my folders can stay clean. Next time I’m on campus I will do the same for my work email.

 

I need to make backups of my DropBox and Google Drive, but that’s going to happen later.

 

I have my to-do list restructured with the things I want to get done. I’m going to be biking to the bank to deposit the money Zane gave me for his portion of the car insurance. I need to ship off the box with my phone to Verizon for the trade in credit. From there I want to go to UPS to ship of my final cross stitch gift. By then I’ll most likely be thirsty and hungry so I plan to stop at 711 for a salad and Gatorade before biking back home. That will be about the length of going to the gym and back, minus the gym. And there will be stops to break up the length so I think it will be a good introduction back into my physical discipline.

 

It’s sunny outside, which it has been for a few days. There’s still been rain here and there, but it hasn’t been full on cloudy days. There’s been more sun than rain, and I think that’s helping today. It’s a little windy but I’m hoping that doesn’t make the bike ride super rough. It’s going to be my first ride since getting the bike back last Sunday. I’m looking forward to it.

 

But that would be the extent of my running around until Zane gets home. We will most likely do laundry and grocery shopping tonight. I know at least the laundry needs to get done since he doesn’t have anything clean to wear for tomorrow. Grocery would be nice as well so we could do the Shepard’s Pie tonight, though there is the chili we could make do with until tomorrow.

 

So yeah… full, productive day lined up. I just finished my cup of coffee. I wasn’t allowed to drink it until I drank my bottle of water first. I’ve been slacking about that so I had to make sure I worked in before the bike ride some how.

 

Anyway, I’m really just rambling now. Procrastinating maybe… I’ll stop doing that and get a move on. I don’t want to run out of daylight.