I still have a ways to go to catch up on everything that’s happened post-surgery.

I left off last with dropping my dad off at the airport. I went to school. I turned in the makeup work for the previous Thursday. I got all of the other information I missed. Nothing overly exciting or special. I still had the dressing over my incision so I was pretty self-conscious about being out in public.

Later in the day, I had my post-op appointment. I got to see the surgeon again. He explained that the pathology had come back. Cancer cells were found in my lymph nodes so he recommended that I receive a radioactive iodine treatment.

That wasn’t the news I was hoping to hear. I wanted to be told that this chapter in my life was over. Cancer had lost the war. I could move on with figuring out my new normal. Surgery was supposed to have prevented me from needing additional things. But no. Now I had to call my brothers and tell them it wasn’t over. I was going to have to go back to work and tell that to my coworkers. To my patients.

I still have cancer.

The PA took the dressing off my incision. She said it looked really good. I don’t have a lot of experience with incisions so I wouldn’t know. When we left the office I stopped at one of the restrooms so I could see it. It was the first time I had seen it. The first time looking at my new reflection.

Ox held me while I cried in front of the elevators. While I verbally vomited all of my anger and frustration. We were supposed to be done. How am I supposed to afford a three-day hospital stay and everything that is going to go along with this next step?

He said we would figure it out and he continued to hold me until I was ok enough to leave, going back out into the world to do things.

We stopped at the hospital while we were there. I got to deliver the thank you cards I had written for the team that took care of me. It felt good. I hope the cards got to everyone.

Wednesday I had counseling. I got to explain how the week with my dad went. I got to talk about my feelings regarding my post-op appointment. I don’t think a lot of anything else happened that day.

Thursday was another school day. The weather was pretty crappy so I left early, getting to school at 8 am for my 9:30 class. Around 9:15 a woman came in and asked me and the other student who was present if we were the Intro to Sociology class. I said yes, we were.

Woman: Due to the weather your instructor won’t be able to be here today. Your class is canceled.

Sort of sucked to have driven all the way into town for nothing, but hey… I didn’t have class. I called Ox and asked him if he wanted me to pick up anything from the store before going home. He said no and told me to drive safely.

I made it back to the apartment. I don’t remember what I did… Maybe I was cross-stitching or doing random odds and ends. Either way… imagine my surprise when I get a notification from my Canvas app telling me that I was marked absent from school…

Fuuuuucccckkk…. my life…

I sent a message to the instructor explaining how I had been told class was canceled. Had there been a miscommunication? I left it at that, mildly contemplating if I should just go ahead and withdraw from the course. I mean… was it really worth all of the stress when I had so many other things still going on in my life?

I decided to wait on making a decision until I heard back from my instructor. If I was penalized for believing a school official’s word then I would peace out in a heartbeat. Fuck that shit. I have better things to do with my time. I stayed pretty aggravated over the issue for a while since I never got a reply to my message.

Friday was my first day back at work. It was pretty brutal even though the day itself was smooth in comparison to most of my “normal” days. I still got tired easily. I had to sit down a lot. I thought about saying that I wasn’t ready to come back to work yet and that we needed to find coverage for my Saturday shift.

I didn’t, though. Not sure if that was smart or not, but I went to work Saturday. It went better. Still a little under the weather, but I made it through and I was proud of myself for it.

Ox and I were supposed to go into town Sunday but we ended up staying at home instead. I was grateful to not go anywhere. I was tired. Most likely from work taking so much out of me. Sunday ended up being a day of recovery since I had work again Monday.

Monday went well. Better than my first two days back. Even my RN mentioned how I was on point and kept jumping from one thing to the next to the next. In my defense, things just happened to be spaced out that once I was pretty much done with one event I was able to move seamlessly to the next thing. It’s not like I was trying to work extra hard or fast or anything. There happened to be a flow and I stayed with it. I didn’t feel overly tired. I didn’t have to take as many breaks to sit down and catch my breath. It was a good day and it made me hopeful that my days would continue getting better as my incision healed.

So that’s another week caught up on. I’m sure I’m leaving out details here and there, but those are the major points from that week. Mostly that I found out the Cancer Saga isn’t over, becoming acquainted with my new self, and going back to work.