My Intrinsic Priority, the thing that comes most naturally to me, has always been work. Though I can’t say that I have been putting much effort into it lately, when I was I was giving it my all. School, work, it is what I use to define who I am. It is what I use to measure my worthiness.

Did I do a good job? Do people appreciate my time and effort? Did I contribute to the project? Did I do my best? Am I proud of the work I did? Are other people proud? Did I bring those I represent honor?

Those are the questions that go through my head at the end of a project. At the end of almost everything I do, and even though I have scored myself low in this area, I know on the inside that this is my Intrinsic Priority.

My key priority, what I aught to be focusing on… I’m not sure. There are so many areas of my life that I have scored low, and they are all areas that are interconnected. There are not clear lines separating them into nice, neat categories for me.

Working out ties into personal and spiritual growth for me. Career, personal growth, and finances tie into emotional heath. All of them go into emotional health. So I can’t say that Emotional Health is my key priority, because focusing on that isn’t really where I need to focus. Emotional health, or sickness in this case, is the symptom, not the cause, so focusing on it will not solve the underlying issue.

Really, after thinking about it for a bit, I honestly think that I should give most of my energy to Personal and Spiritual growth to correct my imbalance.

Why these Key Priorities

Focusing on personal growth would factor into my career, physical health, and possibly finances, which would in turn factor into emotional health. Spiritual growth would filter into personal growth, possibly career, physical health and ultimately emotional health.

I feel those two areas would have the biggest impact on my overall wellbeing.

How will I honor my choice?

I will finish reading The Eight Fold Path as well as my other Buddhist book. I feel that will help me accept where I am currently at and provide assistance with dealing with the internal conflict I feel. I feel it will open me to new perspectives.

I will work towards my goal of Maya Certification. I will go back to my meal planning, hopefully with the support of Zane. I will begin working out in the morning rather than waiting until later in the evening like I have been, since one of the excuses I use is being tried at night. I miss the way I felt in the morning having already accomplished something major for myself and my own personal gains.

Cutting the Crap

To ensure I honor my key priorities I will limit how much I procrastinate by allowing depression to hold me back. When I feel like making an excuse, when I hear the evil voice in my head whispering its spiteful words, I will counter them. I will refuse to listen and I will ask myself, “Do my actions support my goals?”

I will be proud of my actions from now on. I will stand behind them and not be ashamed. I will hold my head high and proudly say that no, I did not stay on the couch, I didn’t stay in bed. I actually did the things I wanted to do, even if it was hard. Even if I didn’t want to do them. I did.

I’m awesome, and that little voice can shove it. I’ll prove it wrong, just like I have time and time again. I’ll get to where I want to be, even if I have no idea where that is at the moment.

Priority Clarity Statement

So, for clarification… My key priorities are personal and spiritual growth. I will continue exploring Buddhism as a way to find inner peace and connectedness with myself and the world around me. With reality. I will return to focusing on my physical health and improving myself as an artist both in my digital design endeavors and my computer animation skills.

I would be dishonoring my key priority if I continue to make excuses to not do the things I know will move me forward on my goals. I would be dishonoring my priority if I can not look someone in the eye and unashamedly recount my actions when asked what I did during my day.

I will limit the attention I give the negative words in my head. In fact, I will cut them down as soon as they are uttered. I am not the negative things I say to myself. I am better than that. I am awesome. I am not a failure. I am not weak. I am not a waste. I am amazing. I am successful. I am a badass and a warrior and I will find my inner peace once again. I will heal these emotional wounds and return to being the strong figure I know I can be.