I was supposed to make this post this morning, but if you’ve read my previous post, you know that this morning turned into a shit-tastic cluster fuck of frustration.

I still haven’t done my 30 Day Challenge assignment. In fact I have done very little today aside from not destroying stuff, which is a huge accomplishment in my book. I’ll keep holding the course. You know… take one for the team and all.

So here’s the run down of yesterday, and I’ll maybe, eventually, at some point get around to not being pissed off with my day.

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The Awesomeness of Yesterday

Before I get to my stitching I suppose I should do this. Not like I haven’t been spamming the Internet all day with mindless stuff…

I cooked breakfast this morning and had my coffee while checking emails. I wrote a quick update from last night since I felt that writing wasn’t as complete as it should have been. I’m not sure I really should have posted last night, but alas, there is nothing I can do about it now.

I wrote my 30 Day Challenge post. There actually wasn’t much to do today. There first few days are pretty intense, or at least they can be. There’s a lot of soul searching and figuring yourself out. There’s still going to be a bit of that, so it’s nice to have a ‘breather’.

I won’t really write more about it, since I wrote several pages worth of ranting for what I think about Day 6. After posting I went to the gym where I ran a 17 minute mile. It was an awesome run. I’m super happy with it.

After running I practiced my punches for Taekwondo along with my first form. I think I keep messing it up though. I also practiced my side and round house kicks. There was a bunch of stretching and yoga involved, too.

After showering I went to school where I made a cute little comic about an email with my instructor. It happened a few days ago, but I finally got over my fear to make the comic. I sent it to him, so we’ll see what he thinks. XD

Once the comic was done I ran to Publix since I didn’t really have food on me. I got a summer roll with a sweet tea. Because I had gone grocery shopping so early in the morning on Monday there hadn’t been any sushi trays put out yet. So I made up for that today.

When I came back to school Kalel was sitting on a bunch outside on of the labs. He was eating before going back to work, so I sat with him while I ate as well. We talked about a handful of things, it was an overall pleasant interaction. I’m glad I sat with him.

Eventually we got tired of talking about the work environment and decided we should both get back to what we had been doing. So I went back upstairs to my little corner.

I think of it as mine now even though it is a ‘communal’ spot.

No one goes there. I’ve moved things around to make it ‘my’ space. I want to take a power cord in so it’s easier to set up my laptop. I want to pin inspirational sayings to the walls as well. I want to make it mine for real.

So that’s stewing in my brain.

Anyway, I went back to ‘my’ desk, and read all of the stuff for the quiz this week, then took the quiz and got a 90. After that it was time to head out to the dojo for aikido open class.

Sensei Jan was teaching tonight! Yay! It was a really good class. A lot of the moves I had never done before, but everyone was super helpful and I picked them up fairly fast.

When I was leaving Sensei Beata mentioned that if I wanted to meet during the week to practice that she would train with me. She didn’t want me to stop training because my work schedule wouldn’t allow me to get to the dojo next month.

She said that I am mapping the moves extremely well and advancing faster than what they are used to seeing. She said that she couldn’t promise to make it every day, but that to let her know what my schedule was and we could work something out.

I can’t put into words how amazing it was to hear that. Sensei Jan and Beata are so fantastic and accepting of me. When we talk it’s like I’ve known them for years. Like we’re old friends. There’s just something about them that makes me feel safe and understood.

Side note: I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this (int he billions of pages I write…), but Jan and Beata are married.

I can’t believe that they want to go out of their way to make sure I am able to train. It’s more than training for me. In such a short time I have latched onto it, and aikido is one of the things I refuse to compromise on now. I was seriously wondering how I was going to survive next month because I as so angry that I felt like I had to give it up. Even if it’s for such a sort amount of time, I get so much fulfillment and self-satisfaction from it, that I don’t want to go without it.

I know that’s not fair of me. I know my schedule changes every month and that some months I work 5pm, while other months I work 5am. That’s my job. That’s what I agreed to. It’s not fair of me to be angry over it.

But I am. I want to go to the dojo because it makes me a better person. I want to go as often as I am physically able to be there.

I was trying to work it out in my head. I was trying to figure out how I could do both work, and aikido so I could have my paycheck and get fulfillment, too. But I couldn’t find a solution, and I was angry and frustrated. It felt like being stuck in the ‘terrible twos’ phase. I had a plan, I was executing my plan, then the plan got interrupted and my brain couldn’t figure out a way around it, so the only thing I knew how to do was be angry.

Luckily I was able to keep the kicking and screaming contained within my head. I think I would have worried Joshua if I had thrown a legit fit.

But Sensei Beata and Jan have come and saved the day. I now have an answer to my thwarted plan. Even if it is only a couple times a week, it would be amazing. I’m so honored and grateful for Sensei Beata to even think I am worth training. I’m sure she doesn’t do this for everyone.

I feel loved and like maybe next month won’t suck so bad after all. I can have my job and aikido, and I can keep being happy and not feel like I’m giving up a part of myself. It felt like it was coming down to picking between aikido and work, and for a while I was thinking about letting aikido win. I seriously like it that much.

So needless to say, that totally made my whole night, day, week, month. I’m not dreading next month now. A tension as been eased and I can breathe normally again.

Once I left the dojo I went back to work. I was still in my gi pants, workout top, gross and sweating from kicking ass and taking names, but I didn’t care. I wanted to work on my block out for this weeks assignment. So I had left all of my stuff at work so I could finish that off before going home.

There was a group of students in the lobby; Marc, Nicole, Desiree, and a handful of others. They mentioned wanting a lab to work in, but because of the events going on at school, there aren’t going to be any open labs until Friday.

I offered to open one of the labs for them to work in since I was going to be on campus anyway. I actually opened the Finals lab, which was so nostalgic for me. I spend literally 4 months in that room, working on all of the assets on my demo reel, and a few that aren’t. I got to sit at my old computer desk. It was like nothing had changed.

It was very comforting. I set up my laptop just like I had when I was a student, only instead of rigging, I had my massive tablet in my lap, sketching and coloring away. It was nice. Familiar, but different. It made me aware of how much I have grown, how much I have traveled over the past three years.

I feel like I’m doing really well with this new assignment. I’m going to use it as a way to study musculature. I think that will give the composition a better connection to the word ‘strong’.

I posted my WIP image to Facebook and WordPress since I’m so pleased with it. Totally shameless about how much I like it at the moment.

I posted my Push Goal Promise to Facebook afterwards, so that’s done and I can stop stressing over it. I’ve gotten some really supportive comments. I replied to all of my emails. I downloaded an app that Jon wants me to get. I showered. I ate…

And I’m back to being tired. It’s 1am. I don’t know if I have it in me to stitch. I actually didn’t stitch at all this morning even though I said I was going to. I think I can not beat myself up over it though.

I got so much done today. I’m going to let myself be happy about that.