synthroid

Evening Reflection 011: Meds…

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Daily Summary:
Another night of decent sleep. That’s two in a row! Life goals are being reached!

I woke up to Ox calling me. I “Mhmmm”ed and “yeah”ed my way through the conversation, still clinging to the wonderful sleep I had been having until he got the unspoken message that I wasn’t going to wake up yet. After about another hour of sleep, I finally slugged my way out of bed. Called Ox back for an actual morning chat. I was feeling pretty good. I felt like I had energy to do some things before work, so I did.

I got my threads up away. I cleaned up all the fabric that I had gone through while I was prepping my next projects. I even went through the baggies of thread ends and made sure they were all labeled with the right year. I did a lot of cleaning and organizing in regards to my cross-stitch stuff and it felt good to finally get those things done. 

I cooked one of the frozen meals I bought yesterday with Ox. Ricotta stuffed shells. It was actually surprisingly awesome. 

I paid bills and filled out the application for the house John is leasing. I’m hoping that gets approved without issue. 

I didn’t do much of anything else before work. Ox stopped by after work and hung out with me again. Around that time was when I started feeling extreme fatigue. Thankfully it got better after a few hours. It was nice having Ox around again, doing his own thing on the PS4. It makes part of my brain wonder what it will be like to finally live together again. To not always be aware of the minutes until we go our separate ways. To fall asleep next to each other continuously like we used to unlike the two maybe three times a week we do now. 

I stitched a fair amount today. I didn’t listen to my book more. The next chapter is where Rachel talks about the suicide of her brother. I don’t think it would be a good idea to listen to that while at work or before going to bed. I’m pretty sure it’s going to stir up my own grief for mom. 

While I was on my lunch break I loaded the dishwasher and set it to run. I cut up the chicken quarters so I could put them in the freezer until next week. I swept the kitchen and wiped down the counters. I even bagged up the trash to take it out later. Look at me being productive and efficient. 

I also packed up most of the stuff I wanted to take to the house with me this weekend. After that, I finished out my night at work. 

When I got to the house Ox was apologetic, saying he was tired and going to be going to bed. I was disappointed. That hadn’t been the vision I had of our night together. But it’s ok. After about 5 or 10 minutes I had come to terms with the change and figured out a new plan for my night.

I would heat up the chili I brought with me. I would write since I hadn’t done that yet. I would shower after writing and by then Mama Ox should be asleep which means I can cross-stitch in the living room alone with the cats. 

Tonight is different than what I thought it would be, but it can still be a good night. I’ve already eaten. I’m nearly done writing. Mama Ox is in the process of heading to bed. Everything is going well even if it is different. 

Random Ramblings:
I read last night’s writing to Ox today. It was easier than I thought it would be. He assured me I could tell him anything, always. I believe him. After four years of being together and working through hard or uncomfortable conversations, I have learned that I CAN talk to him and I do not need to fear his reaction or losing his love and support. 

I told him how last night had been insightful. People think I am enlightened or that I have my life together and here is yet another example of how I don’t. How I’m human with flaws and how even after 30 years I’m still figuring things out about my own behavior. 

I do feel I should clarify a bit about the “comply” part of the writing. After rereading it, I realized I didn’t do a good job of explaining the difference between obedience and compliance. 

If dad told me to help rake the yard, it wasn’t enough to say “Yes, Sir.” I had to be ok with doing the chore. I couldn’t sigh or complain. I had to not only do the chore I had to be willing to do it. If I made any indication that I wasn’t “happy” about having to do something it was almost as bad as not doing it at all. 

That’s I guess what I was trying to get at with making the distinction between obedience and compliance. I not only had to do what I was told. I had to be happy about it, or at least be really good at pretending it didn’t bother me even if it did. 

On to another totally different topic…

I found out why my previous refill of Synthroid cost me twice as much as it did before…

Because my plan is dumb. 

I mean… that’s really what it comes down to. Because I’m taking two 125 mcg daily, I’m considered on a “weird” dosage and my plan doesn’t cover anything other than “normal” so I’m getting charged double what I was paying with my previous insurance. 

What the fuck?

There’s not a whole lot I can do about it right now. Honestly, the only way I could maybe change my dosage is to lose weight. Since I’ve been sick the past two weeks or so, that hasn’t been very high on my priority list. I’m hoping to be back at it soon. And maybe, maybe, it can save me $40 a month for the meds I don’t have a choice in taking if I want to keep living. 

Our system is seriously fucked up. 

Daily Post 212: The Positives of Yesterday

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I’m starting today off by writing. I’ve already sent a message to L since there were tentative plans on meeting today after my counseling. A lot of places were closed yesterday while Ox and I were out, so I think it might be best to postpone further meetings until the world stops losing its mind.

But, let’s jump into yesterday since a lot of stuff happened. All good stuff, too, I’m happy to report.

First off, yesterday was sunny. So the day already started out with better points than previous days despite all of the “what the fuck” things I had on my to-do list to figure out.

My list was a bit more organic yesterday than normal. Instead of mapping out how I envisioned the day going, I added tasks a handful at a time and tackled the small handful before assessing my energy levels and picking the next tasks to add to the list. It worked fairly well.

I canceled the electricity set up which was a pleasant and quick phone call. I messaged my cousin. I called the pharmacy and got my Synthroid figured out. I called and left a message with the apartment complex since no one answered the phone. I cooked the chicken for part of my meal prep. I sent a message to my primary care physician inquiring about a refill for my Zoloft since I don’t feel my life is in a place to try discontinuing it.

I messaged L. I messaged Nicki and got information about jury duty. There’s a letter the company can send on my behalf explaining that they can’t cover my absence for two weeks or longer. I wrote and posted my writing. I showered. I got dressed. I set up appointments with my Endocrinologist and even created a contact for them on my phone.

By that point, Ox was off work. We agreed to meet in town for lunch. He called shortly after I had left Hickman saying most places were closed, so it didn’t seem like lunch would be an option. Lame. He said he would run over to GNC for the energy drinks. We agreed to meet at Office Depot. I had an empty ink cartridge to turn in and between our DnD sheets and my typed notes for Sociology, I needed more page protectors.

I ended up getting 50 heavy weight, super sexy page protectors for $8 due to the credit I’ve built up from returning ink cartridges. Totally not complaining. We basically got them half off.

Irrational Right Brain: Oh, yeah. Look at me and my bad self being a sexy, thrifty bitch. /struts around

Once that was done Ox and I decided to brave Costco to see if we could get the few remaining items on our shopping list. While we were there I got gas for the car.

Costco wasn’t packed which was nice, and they actually had everything I needed. They also had signs encouraging social distancing, so of course I clung to Ox’s arm for nearly the entire time we were there.

Me: I’m social diiiisssstttttaaaaancing. DIIIIISSSSSTTTTAAAAANCING! You know, so you don’t get my GEEEEERRRRRMMMMMS!

Ox: I want more than your germs… >.>

Me: /blushes like a school girl

Was totally not prepared for that response to my bratty, smart-assed comments. XD

Since we were near the new apartment and I had yet to receive a phone call back from them, five hours later, I made the choice to stop in personally.

That ended up being an amazing experience.

So… If Jona nd I wanted a 2nd-floor unit, we would have to wait until the 18th of April to move in. That means we would have to figure out a place for him to stay for roughly a week with his dog. That would be pretty hard to do.

If we went with a 3rd-floor unit, we could move in as soon as April 1st. No matter which option we went with, we would be in the same style of unit, we would still receive the original promotion and rate we had signed up for, and all of April would be prorated for free.

Let me type that again…

Jon and I will be getting two months of rent… FREE. Regardless of when we move in.

Me: Why, yes. I would love to move in on April 1st. Thank you.

So that’s set into motion. April 1st is a Wednesday, so I have it off from work. With the month being prorated the way it is, I have all of the money needed to cover the pet deposit and the security deposit. With having the apartment secured before Jon moves up, we won’t have to worry about getting a hotel room on the 9th. He can just move into his new home. I have roughly two weeks to move most of my crap down two flights of stairs then up another three. With still recovering from surgery, I’m thinking that packing lighter boxes and making more trips would be the better option rather than trying to cram everything into as few trips as possible. I’ll last longer if I do things lighter. Especially on my own since Ox works on my off days.

So yes. Lots of positivity from the Universe.

Oh! And my Synthroid didn’t have a co-pay when I picked it up. Even better. : D

So yesterday turned out to be a pretty awesome day. After I got back to the apartment, I put the new groceries away and proceeded to sleep until 9:30 pm. I woke up, ate, then went back to sleep until about 6:30 this morning. I actually feel rested. I feel mentally able to handle my life since so many areas are more stable than they were yesterday morning.

As I said, I have counseling today, but that’s really the only time-sensitive obligation I have. And once again, I feel sorry for my consulder.

Counselor: So, how have you been?

Me: Well…. so all of THIS happened…

I plan for today to be mostly dedicated to catching back up with school and cleaning the apartment in small doses. That’s the next two days actually. School and cleaning. Maybe starting in on packing the non-essentials since I move in two weeks.

In two weeks I’ll have my own washer and dryer. In two weeks I’ll have a dishwasher that works. In two weeks I’ll have a ceiling fan again. In two weeks I’ll have a balcony door that isn’t finicky and actually closes properly.

In two weeks I officially begin a new chapter. I know it’s been a bit since my surgery and all, but moving is a significant change, an actual marker. Moving into the new apartment will be a start. I haven’t figured out what it will be a start of, but a start none the less. I’m looking forward to it.