anniversary

Evening Reflection 006: 4 Years Later

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Daily Summary:
Another day on the “not so awesome” side of the scale. Not having sinus meds sucks. Nothing is wrong, just stuffy and feeling like crap. Woke up Wrote. Cross-stitched. Went back to sleep. Woke up. Felt like crap. Went back to sleep. Woke up. Felt better. Stayed up for a bit… You get the picture. 

Been watching Centarworld. Not going to lie. It grew on me. Most likely going to finish watching it tonight.

Since I’ve felt crappy most of the day, I haven’t eaten much. An apple, some crackers with cheese… Didn’t put my cross-stitch stuff away. 

Let’s just call today a wash and try again tomorrow.  

Random Ramblings
Tomorrow is 4 years with Ox. It’s crazy to think about what the past 4, or even 5 years have been. 

Mom died. I quit my job as a teacher. I took cna, ekg, and phlebotomy courses. I became a dialysis technician. I began registering for nursing school in Florida. Ox and I met via online gaming. I withdrew from school so I could move instead. Scarlet died. I moved halfway across the country. I started work at a new clinic and began my relationship in earnest with Ox. I got my own apartment. Dagger, Saber, and I found each other. I was told Saber might have feline leukemia. Spent weeks trying to get her to eat and gain weight. Found out she was healthy and I didn’t have to worry. I started nursing school part-time in Nebraska. I was diagnosed with cancer. I withdrew from school after completing my first semester. I had surgery. Covid started. Dagger swallowed a needle and had emergency surgery himself. I helped John move to Nebraska. I moved in with John. I went back to school full time. I became suicidal. I withdrew after completing my second semester. I went back to school part-time during the summer. Work went to hell. I pulled out of school… again. John moved out to live with his partner. I turned in my two-week notice at work. I was convinced to stay. Things started sucking more. I legit gave my notice. I started a new job. I survived training and have been doing well at work. 

None of that is light, airy, easy stuff. 

When I think back about all of the major events… those are all really heavy things. For that to be the past five years of my life… that’s a lot. That’s not including losing patients at work. That’s not emotional/relational drama. There’s also the leadership program I took thought work; the longest and biggest achievement I had obtained since mom’s death. There were the kidney stones, 3 of which were ER visits. Two bouts of bronchitis. With one stone I became borderline septic, resulting in being admitted to the hospital overnight. There’s remodeling the bedroom with Ox…

There are tons of other things I could add to that paragraph, but that paragraph alone makes my heartache. All of those times I gave myself shit for being tired, sad or overwhelmed. 

I’m proud of where I have gotten in relation to where I was in Orlando. 

I’m proud of Ox and I for working through our hard times. And I will always be grateful for his love and support through all of the shit that has been the past four years of my life. 

Daily Post 148: It’s Melting!!!

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Written a week ago to the day…
My bad. -_-;

Also… it’s no longer melting…
We’re getting 5 inches of snow tonight ;-;

I has an excite. : 3

Today was sunny and it got above freezing and it was a fantastic day and I actually made it to the gym and I got stuff done around the house and dinner turned out alright and I applied to college again and I’m still totally amped from my day and most likely won’t be able to go to sleep on time. But that’s ok. It was a good day. No regrets. : D

Ok…

Now that I have that out of my system…

Monday was a pretty good day. The testing of the acid went well. So that’s done for the next month or so. I’m working with the float RN tomorrow. We have a visiting patient who will be receiving treatment with us. I’m hoping the day goes mostly smoothly. If not at least I have Friday to look forward to. Another day with my FA before my week off from work for a much wanted stay-cation.

There was amazing sexy time with Ox Monday night. Everytime I think it can’t get better he proves me wrong. I think I’m ok with this. The other part of my brain doesn’t think I could survive better. I mean, at some point it’s got to reach some sort of overload where the brain just gives out. Death by snu-snu or something.



I slept amazingly well last night. Being so physically and emotionally exhausted I think played more of a role in that then the Benadryl. I woke up with Ox, the feelings of afterglow still warming my skin. We shared a morning cigarette before he went to work. I went back to bed, wrapped up in one of his shirts and slept for another three hours.

When I woke up I ate and took my vitamin D gummies. I messaged Jon to let him know I was awake if he wanted to chat later. I made a to-do list for the day and then began plucking away at it.

I finished all of the reflection sections for chapter one in my book. As the days go on I’ll post those writings so as not to overload my blog with new posts. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I put the kid’s clothes away along with my own. I watched a TED Talk about depression since I was curious about what is considered the opposite of depression.

I know it’s not happiness, but what is it then?

According to this particular TED Talk, the opposite of depression is vitality. I can see that connection. It was an interesting talk and one that I connected with at certain points.

I updated my calendar so that’s current. I looked up the schedule for the dojo since I know that got changed around a bit. I posted my first reflection post.

When Ox came home there was more sexy time. I ended up going to the gym a bit later where I rowed and stretched afterward.

When I came home I began looking into the LPN program for the community college I went to for my CNA course. I need to look into why I haven’t received anything about being added to the registry yet. I hadn’t realized so much time had passed since taking my state tests. I should have received something by now and I need it for the application process.

I sent an email to the head of the LPN program; the wife of my trainer at the gym. I told her the good news about passing the class and my tests and asked if it would be possible to meet in person again. I’m hoping to hear back from her tomorrow. Her advice and guidance were amazing and I’m hoping she can help me navigate through this next part of my journey.

Dinner wasn’t super awesome, but it wasn’t bad either. Ox had recommended I try to make my own recipes based on different things I’ve liked in the past; particularly Hamburger helper boxed meals that I like the taste of, but hate for how unhealthy they are for you.

So I tried my hand at a tomato basil zoodle recipe with burger. I think using more parmesan cheese with a heavy cream would give the sauce the consistency I’m going for. I also think more basil would have been better. I’ll be trying it again in the future, but for the rest of this week, I have meals figured out. I’ve talked to Mama Ox and Papa Ox and they’re both on board with what I want to make. Mama Ox has already given me money to help cover the grocery trip I plan to do on Thursday, which happens to be the one year mark for Ox and me.

We have plans to get lunch together before going grocery shopping. I know most people are probably reading that with a “WTF? Grocery shopping for an anniversary?” but it makes the girly side of my brain all warm and fuzzy. We’re going to be doing something domestic and couple-y together.

I guess that’s about it for today. Lots of mental work in regards to my leadership class. Getting back on the ball with the gym. Still doing good in regards to cooking dinner for everyone. Steps forward were made in the school department. And all of the snow is melting! I can’t put into words how awesome it was to go outside in shorts and sandals and not freeze. Spring can’t come soon enough. <3