certification

Daily Post: More Clouds QQ

Standard

This might be a sort of whiny post. It’s overcast again. AGAIN. I miss the sun. It came out for a little bit yesterday afternoon. Tons of people were outside with their kids. Bikes. Strollers. It was as if everyone were soaking up the rays as much as they could.

I know I felt that way. I could feel a difference in my skin. In my bones. Almost instant. I finally was getting sunlight and could feel alive and like I had energy and drive to do things. The Earth was finally awake and able to give energy; radiating it into my being and allowing me to feel like I could do things.

It’s not supposed to be sunny again until Sunday. Friday and Saturday are supposed to be filled with thunderstorms. I like the thought of storms. At least there’s energy with them and a reason for the lack of sun until this perpetual twilight of cloud cover.

These long, dreary, cloudy days of stillness drag on and on and it feels so hard to get anything accomplished. I woke up at 4 am and went back to sleep after taking my Synthroid. I woke up again at 8 am and couldn’t convince myself to do anything, so I stayed in bed until 10 am.

I feel like the day is wasted and it’s not even noon. I wish I knew how to change that. I can’t go to the gym since it’s closed. I could begin packing but I have to get the totes from the house first, which means I have to clean out the car so the totes could fit.

I have to take the kittens in for boarding later. I’m saving the mopping until after their gone. I have my report that needs to be worked on. Clothes still need to be put away. Meal prepping would be beneficial so I have food for the next days before flying to Florida.

There are all these things I’m “shoulding” on myself, which isn’t helping or making me feel better. Ox thinks I should still be taking my Vitamine D supplements. I might talk to my Endocrinologist about it. I stopped taking it pre-surgery per doctor’s orders but was never told if I could resume it, so I didn’t. I never asked.

Things were going so well post-surgery, and now I’m back to feeling unmotivated and low energy. I do think a lot of it has to do with the weather. I think stress is playing into it as well. There are travel bans from certain states going into Florida. So far Nebraska isn’t one of them. So far there aren’t travel bans coming back into Nebraska. But who knows how things will change in the next week? Who knows if I’ll be able to go back to work or not? Who knows what other obstacles Jon and I are going to have to figure out in regards to moving and the apartment? What if all his interviews get canceled because of covid-19? At least we have two months rent-free to figure something out I suppose. That did work well in our favor.

I did have a fairly decent day yesterday. Productive. There are feelings of accomplishment as I look back over my list; another thing which has been hit or miss in the past few weeks.

I got a lot done in the morning. Setting up the electicity and internet. Filling out the move in form and emailing it to Jon so he could fill out his portion. Taking care of my Jury Duty letter and getting my new certification form to my FA. Figuring out what to do with the cats so I don’t get evicted during my last weeks here. I looked at student loan consolication through Navy Federal, but I don’t think I’m going to do anything with it. My interest rate could actually go up rather than down, so I’ll stick with the evil I currently have.

I made a few new contacts in my phone for my pharmacy and the vet clinic. I found out about my Zoloft perscription. I could pick that up later today when I go over to the house. I went through my email. I read a bunch of blog posts that I’ve been slacking on. I wrote. I posted. I made a shopping list and was pleased to see it was so small. I got in touch with my therapist as well. Counseling is canceled for the moment until they figure out how they want to do it remotely.

I showered before heading into town to meet with Ox. We got gas for the cars. We got the money order for my recertification paperwork along with spinach; the only grocery item I needed. We got cat litter and wet food for the kittens. While we were at the pet store we made sure all of the paperwork was in place for the boarding. Since it’s $22 per cat per day, I won’t be able to board them until the 1st of April. Not that I really wanted to do that anyway. I don’t want to be away from them for that long. I can’t swing $300 for boarding though, so even if I was morally ok with doing it, financially I can’t.

When we got back to the house, I hopped on my computer to update my sorcerous character through the Aurora program. While I was messing aroung with her sheet, I got to talk to the DM and brainstorm with him a bit. I did end up taking one level in rogue. Since most of my spells are spectral weapons, I get to use the rogue’s sneak attack to boost their damage as long as I’m stealthed or hidden. Since my character has expertise in stealth I get added bonuses to my stealth rolls. I’m really liking the direction that this character is going. I hide in the shadows then leap out in a blaze of righteous glory. Maybe I should have named her Karma instead of Saber.

Anywho, I got my CCHT paperwork mailed off, so that’s 100% done. I can submit the Concur reports when I go to work tomorrow. I should have that money back within a week or so.

Ox and I did our D&D campaign together at the house. There were another few hours wasted as the DM tried to figure things out, but once we got into the actual game it was better. I don’t feel like it was a waste of time and there was significantly less bickering.

I came back to the apartment after the game and went to sleep, and that’s about all that’s happened so far today.

I’ve started in on my meal prep, more out of necessity then because I actually want to do it. Ox and I have talked a few times. I’ve put music on so that’s been playing in the background. I’ve filled out some more paperwork. I’ve done some dishes.

I’m hoping that I can salvage today despite the rough start.

Daily Post 039: At Least I Got This In

Standard

I just got done having a wonderful dinner with Nicole. Breakfast for dinner can never be a bad thing.

We chatted for about two hours which is why I’m late getting to this, which is going to be why I’m late getting to bed, but I’m not backing out of the gym at 2 am. I’m going to go even if it sucks.

Before I go off on a tangent with that…

I passed my certification test on Monday. Woo. Three of my classmates failed but they get another shot at it. We may try to do a study group. It depends on when they get scheduled for the retake.

This is my final week of training. Tomorrow I get to sign up for my days since the new schedule is being created. Here’s hoping I get Tuesdays off like I want.

Big Bad and I had a fantastic evening together last night.

I went out and got something sexy to wear. It’s odd. I’ve never been able to fit into things like what I got yesterday. I was always too big. So when I found an outfit I liked I had mixed feelings about it only being available in a 3x. On one hand, it’s awesome that I fit into XLs now. On the other hand, I really wanted that outfit…

I don’t want to go back to being how I was. I like how I feel stronger and healthier. I’m still not where I want to be, but I liked the way I looked in the mirror. I liked being able to try on different things and actually feeling sexy and attractive. This is still my body, but it’s changed so much in the past months, over the past year. It still has a foreign feel to it sometimes. It’s like I have to learn how to be a smaller, stronger me.

Sexy time started pretty much as soon as the door was closed. I enjoyed it and we’ll leave it detached and objective like that otherwise I’m likely to write six pages about how mindblowing and amazing it was. I would say not getting to spend much time together factored into it, but the sex has always been intense with Big Bad so I’m not sure how much of a factor it really was.

I enjoyed the cuddles afterward. I loved how he pulled me close on his own accord. I loved finally being able to hear his heartbeat again. I loved being surrounded by his warmth and scent and hearing his breathing deepen as he fell asleep. I loved being woken up by his alarm and snuggling into his side of the bed when he got up this morning. Most of all I loved being woken up a few hours later to a breakfast of bagels and coffee where we got to talk about some of the things that have happened in our lives during the past weeks.

It was absolutely amazing and everything I was hoping it would be. I feel so much more connected and grounded. I’m tired at the moment, but it’s not a suffocation feeling I’ve been fighting for weeks.

As we were saying our goodbyes this morning we made tentative plans for kayaking and pizza dinner on Saturday. Even if we don’t do kayaking I’m pretty sure we’ll spend one of the evenings together this weekend.

I spent most of the day enjoying my time off since I didn’t have to go into work. I got all of my meal prep done over the course of the day, but that was about it as far as chores go.

I went to the gym for my training session. I was supposed to have it Monday but opted to sleep more instead since I didn’t want to be exhausted for my test. I didn’t sleep much Sunday night which was lame.

My trainer wants to increase the intensity of my workouts since she feels I can handle it. I guess flipping  175-pound tires isn’t intense enough… She also wants me to keep coming to her spin classes along with doing at least two days at the dojo each week. That’s four days on. She wants me to do the fifth day of lighter, more recovery based, cardio. Yoga is another potential option.

But yeah… five days…

I guess that brings me to what I really want to write about but don’t really have time to at the moment.

I need to reaffirm my dedication to my fitness goals and to the dojo. Work isn’t going to make anything easy. I knew that going in. So now that things are settling down and I’ll have my schedule for the next month and a half, I need to find a routine or pattern for my workouts.

I spent Friday and Sunday buying new gear since all of my stuff was too big. It wasn’t something I wanted to do. I’m supposed to be saving money and getting my credit card paid off before October. However, when you start chaffing on your breasts because your tops don’t fit properly anymore it’s sort of hard to justify not spending the money.

Don’t spend the money and cause myself literal bodily harm, or spend the money and keep doing the things that bring my fulfillment…

I have new compression shorts and shirts. I’m waiting for sports bras to come in. They should be here tomorrow. I’m trying the SheFit bras since they seem to have pretty awesome reviews and will adjust with me as my size continues to change.

I also want to get a pair of fingerless boxing gloves from Venum. Maybe that can be my reward for passing my exam. The new gear was for dropping 10% in body fat. Gloves for kicking ass these past two months of training for work and passing my test.

There’s more to write about. A lot more. There’s more to meditate on, too, but at least I wrote something tonight. I’m happy with getting through as much as I have. Hopefully, I’m able to sleep well enough to get to the gym in the morning.