Prompt Pages

Posts written in response to the Daily Prompt from The Daily Posts.

Prompt Page 014: Different Strokes

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
What Can You Learn from Other Religions?

 

 

Would I ally myself with a particular religious tradition?

Like participating in Christmas? Or going to Sunday service? I’m honestly not really sure what this question is asking. I don’t like the word “ally” though. I don’t really ally myself with anything religious. I practice how I feel I should, not how I’m told. Because I’m a rebel! /flex

 

Could I get any more caught up on semantics? Most likely. That would require putting in more effort though, and I’m pretty content with the level I’m at.

 

I participate in the traditions my family acknowledges, like Christmas. It’s not a big deal for me personally. Neither is my birthday. Or Halloween. I’m sure some of the people who have read my past writings are thinking, “Wait… What?… Aren’t you like, part Pagan or something? Wouldn’t that be the one holiday that is important to you? Wouldn’t there be some weird tradition you participate in?”

 

Days are just days to me.

 

Traditions sort of suffer from the same mentality. Traditions are just things, actions. It is up to us as individuals to give them importance. If it is important to you, than practice it. If it’s not, then don’t. It is meant to solidify something about your faith to you, for you. If it doesn’t do that, then it’s just a hollow action taking away from finite time. I have better things to do then something I feel is pointless and empty.

 

My personal opinion, don’t ally yourself to anything but yourself. Be true to you and what you feel. Just because it doesn’t line up with what other people collectively think doesn’t mean it’s bad… And I say that from the Wiccan rede, “And if it harm none, do what ye will” mentality.

 

Do I know people from other traditions?

Yes.

 

What do I think I can learn from the faith and beliefs of others?

So many things. Mostly acceptance. The more I learn about other people, cultures, religions, customs, and traditions, the more I learn that my way is not the only way. My belief is not “right”. But neither is it “wrong”. It is merely a way. One single way of existing within a world, a single, tiny planet spinning through the vastness of space.

 

There are so many other things to get caught up over, so many actually worthwhile issues, other than, “The way I’m told not to kill people is better than the way you’re told not to kill people!”

 

I mean, essentially, in my limited experience, that’s what most of religion / faith boils down to. Don’t be a jerk. Treat people how you want to be treated. If we’re all following the same rules, they’re just written in a different book, isn’t it really still the same thing?

 

Can’t we look at how we’re similar rather than how we’re different? Couldn’t we be happy that someone has a connection to something that brings them happiness and inner peace rather than being pissed that it’s not the exact same thing that we choose to follow?

 

A good example of this the Day of Ashura. On this day of the Islamic calendar some people, not all, still practice the tradition of self-flagellation. For those who don’t know, that’s where you whip yourself. Participants will use chains with blades attached to them and whip themselves across the back to show their sorrow for not being at the Battle of Karbala to save their martyr, Imam Hussein.

 

We’re so quick to jump to saying how this practice is wrong. I know I was when I first started writing my paper on it during my Social and Cultural Anthropology class. How can causing yourself harm be an ok thing? We are only given one body. How could they defile the most precious gift we are given? It didn’t help that almost everything I found relating to the tradition used language such as “self-harm” to describe it, which self-harm is considered an extremely negative thing connected to depression and mental / emotional instability.

 

My teacher helped me see it in a different light, though. How is plastic surgery or tattooing or scarification ok, but self-flagellation is a huge, uber, unforgivable no-no?

 

Really, it’s all body modification. How is some of it ok, but others not, and who are we to say which is which?

 

With Day of Ashura at least there’s some spiritual significance for the pain rather than the shallowness of feeling like perkier breasts will improve your life, or that a drunken tribal tattoo on your bicep makes you more badass.

 

Those words may be harsh, and they may sting for some people, but how can you berate one person while not holding up a mirror to yourself? So you don’t agree with what they are doing. Does it affect you or your body? No. It doesn’t. Does it go against something you believe? Maybe. It’s not like they’re forcing you to participate.

 

What good does it do to be angry, disgusted, or to hold onto whatever other negative emotions within yourself over something that literally doesn’t affect you or your life?

 

Live and let live.

 

They’re not saying you can’t go get Botox shot into your face. Give them the same respect and freedom to do what they want with their bodies even if it’s not something you would do to yours.

 

Do I agree with the Dalai Lama that in our interconnected world understanding across different religions is essential?

Yes. I do. I feel like religion and culture are very closely connected. In a way it’s like another language. How can you interact properly with a person if you only understand half of their language?

 

Yeah, you might be able to communicate to some degree, maybe even have full conversations depending on the topic(s). But to truly understand another person you have to understand, in my opinion, their core values and where they stem from. For most of us that in some way incorporates religion.

 

The more involved you get with someone, the more likely you’re going to step on toes or cause some sort of offense by not understanding, or caring, about another person’s mentality. Again, you don’t have to agree with it, but when we are conscious of how another person is different we increase our chances of having a harmonious interaction with that person.

 

One the flip side, don’t be super sensitive if someone accidentally says something that goes against your beliefs. If you tell me Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays I’m not going to hunt you down and jump you in a dark ally.

 

Not everyone is out to cause offense. Sometimes we need to bite the bullet and accept that no everyone is as aware of other religions. They may not even know you belong to a different faith. How often to you walk up to someone and ask, “What religion are you a part of?” And what do you do when the person you asked is atheist and now feels alienated because they don’t actually belong to a religion?

 

Again, live and let live. Don’t intentionally give offense and don’t go out of your way to take offense.

Prompt Page 013: I Didn’t Pass

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
Could I pass a basic religion test?

 

 

 

How did I do on the test?

50%

 

This was interesting. The test online was only six questions for me. I answered three of them correctly, but I was pretty alright with that. The ones I got wrong I was torn on the answer.

 

Brain: Should I go with A or B? I think it’s B… but I’m going to answer A because I’m second guessing myself and that always leads to a right answer…

 

… Said no one ever.

 

Oh well. For not being Christian, having never read the bible, I think I did pretty well, and I got all of the questions correct about other religions. And those words sound really big and cool until you go back and realize it was only six questions…

 

How much do I think I know about religion in general and about my own faith in particular?

I think I know a decent amount about a decent amount. Sad that I feel like I know more about other religions than my own. But there’s the truth of it.

 

Why is that?

Because I grew up Christian, and because Christianity the major faith of my country, I feel I have the most exposure to it. As I journeyed through my own faith I picked up bits of knowledge here and there. Things I heard, things I read. Things other people told me about their faith.

 

Freya clicked with me, and I did a fair amount of research in the beginning to make sure the feelings I felt were right.

 

Should I explore my faith more? Of course. Along with learning C++, creating a new demo reel, working out 6 times a week instead of 4, sleeping more hours and more consistently, cooking every meal instead of skimping out the handful of times I do because going out is faster than doing it myself, working on personal projects, drawing everyday, practicing aikido and taekwondo, putting time into my homework assignments, and a whole slew of other things that I should, aught to, need to be doing on top of all the things I already have to, need to, must do or else my world falls apart, like showing up to work on time.

 

… I’m out of breath just typing all of that, much less doing it…

 

I’m doing the best I can. My faith is important to me. Am I a master of it? Could I recite everything about it word for word? No. I couldn’t. But apparently neither can 3,400 other Americans, so I feel I’m at least in good company.

 

I know enough to feel comfortable and at peace with my choice.

 

Would I be interested in learning more? Why or why not?

Yes. About everything. Always. I love learning. I love nifty, interesting facts. I like being able to compare and contrast different belief structures. How are they similar? How are they different? Who mainly practices? What regions is it prevalent in? Has it spread to other areas, and if so, how? How has it changed? How has it affected cultures?

 

I find the evolution of cultures fascinating and I feel religion is interwoven into that. I feel I will always be interested in expanding my knowledge of other people and cultures, and that includes their religion.

Prompt Page 013: More or Less?

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
Are you less religious
than your parents?

 

I’m pretty proud of myself that I have almost completed the morality and religious section writing prompts. Only two more to go, not including this one. For some reason it feels a bit like an accomplishment.

 

I almost skipped over this one, thinking it wouldn’t be captivating, but I read through the article and it did end up sparking my interest, so here I am. Thinking. Pondering. Letting my fingertips dance over the keyboard as my thoughts move around.

 

Do I consider myself affiliated with a particular religion? Do my friends have any religious affiliation?

This harkens back to a prompt just a few days ago. If pressed to pick something it would be Odinism, but I don’t feel that is the right term and so inside of my head, no, I don’t really consider myself affiliated with a particular religion. I follow Freya. I don’t need that to be called or considered something for it to feel right to me. I also pull mentalities from many religions and philosophies. There isn’t a specific name that encompasses the hodgepodge of things I believe in, at least I don’t think there is, and I’m ok with that. I don’t need a name or term for my beliefs.

 

My spiritual beliefs are for my inner peace, not for societal classification or acceptance.

 

As for my friends, they’re pretty all over the place. I have friends who are Jewish, Christian (lumping all sects into one overarching category, no disrespect meant), Pagan (again, larger category containing many different branches), atheist, and agnostic. I love them all and I’m grateful for the unique perspectives their religion, or lack there of, gives them.

 

Have I noticed that my generation is less religious than my parents’ or grandparents’ generations?

Yes. I have. I find that, at least with the people I tend to befriend, that we are more interested in science than religion.

 

Why do I think young people are less religious than in the past?

I find it hard to stand behind someone who claims faith above science, rejecting the reality we live in, and I feel that is something I share with a majority of later generations. We were raised to be educated. To go to school. To learn facts. To prove things. And I think that emphasis extends itself to religion. If it can’t be proven we have a hard time accepting it as a truth.

 

I understand faith is important to people. My faith is important to me. But I do not let it blind me to how the world words. The world isn’t flat. We are not the center of the Universe. Clouds are made of condensed water particles and, to date, no airplane has ever seen angles playing harps as they fly through the clouds. To date, no scans of the Earth’s core have found a pit with demons tormenting souls of the damned.

 

That’s not to say these places do not exist in some alternate dimension or Universe, or other as of yet unexplained thing. We just discovered gravitational waves. How amazing is that? How fantastically awesome that we are still discovering how our Universe works and that mysteries are still being found and unraveled.

 

Faith doesn’t have to be proven, or “right”. Who am I to say that Jesus or God isn’t real when I can’t prove Freya isn’t just as made up or legit? To me, faith is just a collection of ideas and concepts, and people are fully allowed to believe what they want as long as it adapts to accept the undeniable facts of our reality.

 

Do I think young people are expressing their values and morality in other ways, outside of the attendance at worship services?

Yes and no? I think some people do. I also think that attendance to worship services doesn’t show any type of morality. It shows discipline maybe, or devotion. But the act of going to a service doesn’t really prove that you live by any sort of moral code.

 

Some people do more than live their own life. Some people go out of their way to make the world a better place, which does express their values and morality, and I think that’s the important thing. As in the previous post, I don’t think religion is needed for people to be moral or to prove their “goodness”. There are some religious people who do awful things, and then there are some atheist who do outstanding, commendable things.

 

I think instead of encouraging religion we should encourage compassion. But that is because I believe morality and religion are separate things.

 

What do I think the decline of religious affliction among young people means for America?

I don’t think it means anything bad if that’s what this question is asking. I don’t think I am a bad person even though I don’t consider myself very religious. In fact, at the expense of sounding a bit arrogant, I think I’m a pretty good person. I like to think, for the most part, that I am a logical thinker. I try not to overreact. I try to think of the larger picture and how everyone fits into the situation. I try to think about fairness and equality.

 

You don’t need religion for that. You need compassion.

 

So, do I see my culture falling into turmoil and destroying itself due to lawlessness and sin from not going to church every Sunday? No. I don’t. I would like to think that the decline in religion has a correlation to the rise in education and science. Educated people, in theory, make better, more informed decisions.

 

I’ll let you know if I still believe that after the elections. I swear if Trump wins all of my faith in humanity will be lost. At least the humanity of my country.

 

I’m counting on you America. Don’t fuck this up or I’ll pray for Odin to smite you where you stand.

 

odin.jpg

Prompt Page 012: Morality

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
Can you be good without God?

 

 

 

Where does morality come from?

Topics like this are why I’m so interested in psychology and sociology.

 

Morality is what we use to dictate proper behavior as an individual or within a group, and what is “right” and “wrong” is something we learn. Right and wrong can, and does, vary from one social or cultural group to another.

 

Because of this I do think most of morality is nurture verses nature. I also feel a lot of morality is subjective.

 

The concept that certain words are “bad” is learned. Certain clothing is improper. Having multiple sexual partners is wrong. Tattoos and piercings mean you’re a rebel and buck against authority, or a tramp depending on where they are located.

 

These are all learned concepts. These examples are just a few from American culture. These are things my society tells me are not ok. I can choose to accept or reject these “rules”, which dictates how I am viewed by the rest of my culture.

 

I do think there is a baseline of universal morality though. Most religions essentially say the same thing. Don’t be an asshole. Or in more positive words, be a good person. But really I feel that’s what being human should be about.

 

What guides my thinking about how to act?

The Golden Rule. Always and forever.

 

I treat people how I want to be treated. I don’t like being lied to, or stolen from, or disrespected, or abused, or any number of other things. So I don’t do those things to others. If having an action done to me would make me feel bad, then it would most likely make someone else feel bad, too, and I don’t like make other people feel bad.

 

It really is that simple inside of my head. Would that action make me feel good? No? Then don’t do it to someone else.

 

Do I choose to act morally mostly because of the promise of reward or the threat of punishment – from God or from some other authority?

No. I don’t. I choose to be nice because that’s that I feel is right. I think about the other person, what it would be like to be in their shoes. Would I like it if someone did this to me? If the answer is no than I try my best not to do it.

 

The threat of punishment or the temptation of reward reminds me of being a child. I did something like clean my room because I would get in trouble if I didn’t. As an adult I shouldn’t need the promise of a reward to not be a jerk. I shouldn’t need a book with a list of rules telling me what is and is not ok to do to others.

 

I should be compassionate and empathetic towards my fellow human because even if we’re different, we’re the same. We’re all just organisms trying to survive, and that’s hard enough with shit like debt and relationship woes trying to fuck us up all the time. We don’t need to make that task any harder than it already is by being inconsiderate to one another.

 

Do I agree with the writer that living life ethically is even more important if you are an atheist, since there is no God to forgive you?

This has to be the most fucked up question I’ve read in a while.

 

No. I don’t think it is more important. I think it is equally important for everyone to live ethically, morally. It is everyone’s job to be a good person. You don’t have to do crazy rituals or backflips or blood sacrifices to empathize with someone, to understand suffering is bad, and to avoid causing that type of pain to others.

 

You don’t have to be religious to do the “right” thing. Saying someone has to do “more right” than someone else just because of a learned belief structure is bullshit, in my humble, mostly biased opinion, regardless of what belief structure is being used. Everyone should do his or her part. It is everyone’s responsibility to correct the negativity and hatefulness in the world. We’re all in this together, regardless of how much we try to divide ourselves up by culture, race, age, sex, religion, blood type, sexual orientation, hair color, or favorite pet.

 

We’re all human. We all mess up. We all have a life we’re trying to live. Even if we’re different, we’re all the same, and I feel we all have a responsibility to, at the very least, not be jerks to each other.

Prompt Page 011: Fated

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
Do you believe things happen for a reason?

 

 

Do I believe things happen for a reason?

Yes. I find it interesting that in the article most atheists answered this question similarly, which sort of negates the thought that this is a religious belief. I, myself, do not think the events in my life are laid out by a higher power. I’m not even sure if I really believe in “fate” in the sense that I do not have control over my actions because everything is already predetermined.

 

I think we choose our own path. We are given choices, branches, forks, and we ultimately decide which one we travel down. It is up to us to be open enough to learn from those experiences, to find meaning in them, whatever that may be.

 

The abusive relationships I have been in taught me to love myself, to value my own well-being. They taught me what I wanted, or didn’t want, in a partner. Moving away to go to college taught me how to live alone, to be responsible, and the value of a buck. The type of school I went to solidified the concept of “work first, play later”. It also ingrained the “work hard, play hard” mentality, but we’ll gloss over that… >.>;

 

We can look at events and people as negative, a waste, some sort of stain on the pages of our lives, or we can look for how those events built us up, and why it was important to experience them, even hardships.

 

I choose to look for what I gained rather than what I lost, which reminds me of a quote.

 

“Someone I loved once game me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

~ Mary Oliver

 

What psychological purpose does this belief serve for humans?

I think it gives us a sense of security, comfort. It’s nice to think that there was a reason for the pain, heartache, and stress. It’s nice to think it had a purpose and it wasn’t just because the Universe is a kid with a magnifying glass and a sick sense of humor.

 

I would rather think that the trials and tribulations I went through helped to make me a more compassionate, empathetic person. It makes it easier to keep going that way. To keep pushing through the hard times, the dark times. Without a purpose, why keep going? Why struggle? Why strive? If it’s all meaningless then why do anything at all?

 

I would rather think that the situations in my life lead me ever closer to enlightenment and understanding. It gives me comfort and honesty, I really think that’s all beliefs are meant to do. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, I accept it as a truth in my world and it works for me. Everyone else can believe what they want because that’s what works for them.

 

Do I agree that there can be danger in believing everything happens for a reason?

Yes. I think some people can use that as an excuse to not better themselves or to leave things as they are rather than trying to change a situation. Just because something is happening doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do something about it, or blame others for it. It’s not ok to think, “well obviously they deserve that,” or, “they’re supposed to learn a lesson from this,” and to wash your hands of helping people when they legitimately need help. I don’t believe people deserve to be homeless, or hungry, or raped, or beaten.

 

I don’t think it’s ok to turn a blind eye to hate and suffering. Things do happen for a reason. Maybe that reason is for other people to step up and be a compassionate human. To care more for others and to show that kindness through action and effort.

 

Which sort of leads into this last question.

 

Do I agree that the events of human life unfold in a fair and just manner only when individuals and society work hard to make this happen rather than karma punishing and rewarding individuals?

I do believe in karma. I also believe that karma works through people. My random act of kindness may be karma rewarding the other person for something they themselves have done for someone else.

 

I do not take it upon myself to rain down judgment and punishment on people. When I am wronged I try my best to move on with my life. I try my best to be happy and to think of all of the others things I have going for me.

 

If a person has wronged me the only way they can continue to affect me is if I let them. I do not have control over their actions, but I have control over mine. I have control over my thoughts and emotions. I can distance myself from the situation or person. I can try to remove as much of the negatively from my life as possible.

 

I don’t feel like it is my place to use their actions as an excuse to be a raging bitch even though sometimes that would be really awesome. I try my best to let it go and let life figure itself out. I can either stop and stand there and fight a battle of wills which ultimately will make me feel worse even if I “win”, or I can let go and keep moving forward to the things I want, leaving the stress and whatnot behind me where it belongs.

 

Through all of the events I have experienced in my life so far, that is the path I choose to travel down more often than not now, and that’s one of the lessons I have learned. My peace of mind is more important that getting back at someone who was an ass-hat to me.

 

Prompt Page 009: He Said She Said…

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
Do I ever eavesdrop?

Do I ever eavesdrop on strangers?

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No. Do I hear other people’s conversations? All the time. Which is more annoying that you can believe as an introvert. I want my peace and quiet and you happen to be audioly intruding into my space. I wonder if that can count as ear rape, or maybe brain rape since by the act of purely hearing something my mind beings to process information.

 

I do hear conversations that are not my own. I don’t secretly do it, though, so no. I don’t think of it as eavesdropping. I don’t walk up to a closed door and put my ear against the paneling, hoping to make out the muffled sounds. Most of the time I’m in my room clearly able to hear not only the conversation, but also the TV dialogue without even putting effort into it.

 

Strangers walk by talking full volume into their cell phones about whatever appointment they just got out of, or how they can’t believe he said she said…

 

I am constantly bombarded by sound. More often than not I have to put effort into not hearing rather than into being a ninja and tuning into something secretly. If I can hear your “private” conversation through my headphones, which actually are playing music at the time, then it’s your own fault everyone knows about your private life.

 

There is a lack of discretion in the world now, and I feel that is actually making eavesdropping a dying art form.

 

What is an interesting conversation or tidbit I have overheard?

There are so many. Over the weekend I heard that the wife of one of the bike mechanics is recently pregnant. She is signed up for a bike race, and apparently has been cleared by her doctor to participate without any danger to the baby. Warm fuzzy feelings for the soon to be parents.

 

Have I ever eavesdropped on people I know, like family members? Do I think they would have been upset if they knew? Were there any consequences to my eavesdropping?

Stating again that I don’t eavesdrop, but yes, I have heard conversations that weren’t meant for me. I’m not sure if they would be upset. Most likely. I’m sure it would have been seen as an invasion of privacy. To which I would point out that having normal level conversation in the living room while other people are home isn’t very private.

 

I don’t remember there ever being consequences for the conversations I have heard. But you never know. I love you Karma, please don’t hate me.

 

How do I feel about eavesdropping on strangers versus eavesdropping on people I know?

All eavesdropping is wrong. It doesn’t matter if it is a stranger or a close friend. If someone is whispering something to someone else, that information isn’t meant for you. If a friend of mine gets up and walks away to answer a phone call outside, that information isn’t meant for me. I’m not going to follow them to the door. I’m not going to lower the TV so I can hear better.

 

At the same time, I’m not going to feel bad if I am able to hear what they are saying under normal circumstances. If you go out side, shut the door, and I can still hear word for word your side of the conversation over the TV then you must not be all that worried about being quiet, or not having other people hear.

 

I’m not going to feel bad for being sensitive to sound and observant and picking up on what’s going on around me.

eavesdropping

 

Prompt Page 008: Waste Not Want Not

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
Do I ever feel guilty about what,
or how much, I throw away?

 

What kinds of things do I throw away in a typical week?

Mostly paper from my notebook or junk mail. Plastic baggies from the almond bars I take to work or the sandwich bags Zane uses. Sometimes those get reused if they’re not super icky. Water bottles… carrot skins and other “unwanted” food product in the process of cooking. Pepper seeds, onion tops, fish bones, shrimp shells.

 

This week there were some cans since I used diced tomatoes in the baked ziti. Coconut milk can will be added to the list once I make the curry.

 

Cat fur when I vacuum. Really I feel that should be changed to “cat” since that’s what it feels like I throw out. I swear our cats have learned the secret to cloning through how much they shed.

 

While we’re on that topic… cat poo since the liter pan has to be cleaned. Q-tips and toilet paper rolls… Life doesn’t seem all that glamorous through this lens… but you get the idea I’m sure.

 

Do I ever feel guilty about what I throw away, or how much I throw away?

On the weeks were Zane and I are really bad about eating out I feel awful. Not only am I being slack with following the budget and not being mindful of my health goals / race, but it usually means something doesn’t get eaten at home and is usually thrown away because it goes bad.

 

I hate food waste.

 

Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.

 

This video with John Oliver talks about food waste. It’s pretty eye opening.

 

Food waste so blatantly, well,  wasteful. I might as well set money on fire. It leads to a lot of not good feelings for me. There are others so much less fortunate and here I am making lame decisions and being so inconsiderate and thoughtless. So selfish.

 

There have been times were Trevor and Danielle have left rice in a pot on the stove over night so it gets icky and has to be thrown away. Could you not take the time to at least put your leftovers in the fridge?

 

Food waste is like sand paper against my skin. It really, really bothers me and I make an effort not to do it. I have food. I should be eating that food. I bought that food for a reason.

 

How much effort do I put into recycling or reusing things, instead of putting them in the garbage?

Trevor actually does recycle stuff, so at least we have that going for us. All of the cans and glass bottles, cardboard and such, those get taken to his mom’s or some place on the way to her. I’m honestly not sure what all happens or how it’s taken care of, but we put recyclable stuff into big trash bags, and every so often Trevor takes them away to Recycle Land. At least that’s what I’m told.

 

When I was driving to the YMCA instead of biking I would take all of my water bottles and stop at a Whole Foods on the way to recycle them. Now I let Trevor do the dirty work I guess. Or is this considered clean work?

 

I guess I could take the paper I’ve been throwing away and bring it to school with me instead. Since we’re an art school we go through paper like crazy. We’re conscious of that and have special bins for paper materials to be recycled. That’s something to think about on my part. We’re always able to do things better as long as we’re open to new ideas of ways of doing things.

 

Zane and I want to start a little outdoor garden when the lease renews. I might look at doing a small compost thing for the extra veg bits. My grandparents used to have a compost heap in their back yard. That would require a bit more research, but it’s a thought. It’s something I would like to do because I don’t like throwing things like that away, but when you live in an apartment and not on a handful of acres of land options can get kind of limited.

 

What do I think should happen with all of the hazardous electronic equipment that has been generated over the past few years?

Things… and stuff…?

 

I’m not really sure. They could be taken apart for the components. I’m sure there’s tons of metal that could be reused. I don’t know enough about the process to really comment on it intelligently, though, and at this specific moment I don’t have the time to do the research needed, what with having to go into work shortly.

 

I do think that more should be done in an effort to recycle. And I say that in a general sense. No offense is meant to the people already doing stuff who may be reading this and thinking, “I already do x, y, and z. What more do you want from me? Rawr /rage quite”

 

As a whole Americans suck at recycling, not being wasteful, and caring about the planet. Myself mostly included. It would be nice if, as a society, we took the steps to actually make a change rather than complaining about things and doing nothing.

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Prompt Page 007: Things and Stuff

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
What could I live without?

 

What would I be willing to give up to help others? Why?

Not much.

 

And at first glance that most likely makes me sound like the biggest ass on the face of the planet until I explain that really, the only things I have are my clothes, the bedding that I literally just bought this past weekend, my cat, and the little bit of stuff in my storage unit.

 

Going on to further explain the storage unit. I moved into this apartment which was already well established. Trevor and Danielle basically own the kitchen with all of the cookware, plates, silverware. John doesn’t help by adding to what I feel is clutter. Pretty containers sitting on the counter taking up vital space, collecting dust. Fancy glasses that he doesn’t want people using for fear of breaking them.

 

I have my coffee cup, one, single cup that I use daily. I have my set of skillets which I’m so possessive over because they’re literally the only cookware I have kept. I keep them on my shelf in the pantry so no one else will use them. Out of the whole kitchen, I have three skillets and the glassware that I keep my food in for storage. That’s my contribution to the kitchen clutter, aside from food stuff like my sugar packets and coffee and my one shelf which still gets invaded from time to time which I unflinchingly correct.

 

Right Brain: It’s my one spot. Keep your shit off it.

 

The only things I really have in my storage unit are book cases, which there wasn’t room for in the apartment with everyone else’s furniture, and now, more recently, my brother’s stuff which I’m holding on to until he gets back from Germany. I have one container in there which has my silverware, the first and only set I ever bought before I moved to college, and a coffee table, white with flacking paint that I got at a Goodwill before moving as well. Some plates, purple, thick, heavy.

 

I don’t know why but all of those things are important to me. They’re the few things that I have held onto through all of my moves. They are the few items I still have from my mark into adulthood, and out of all the times I have down sized, all the times I have donated stuff away, I feel I am allowed to keep a few things. I have a right to keep my $15 coffee table with flacking paint.

 

The computer desk and computer chair in my room are actually my brother’s and I don’t feel I have a right to give them away. I’m pretty sure he’ll want them back. The one bookcase I have in the room actually has more stuff of Zane’s than mine on it. I keep my containers of cross stitch threads there, which I would like to see someone try to take those away from me. There would be a dead body on the floor and it wouldn’t be mine… Just sayin’…

 

The one self that I actually have books on is a hodgepodge of sketchbooks, ones that I have had since high school all the way through my most recent art classes. They show my progression, my phases through anime, tribal, weapons. All sorts of stuff. My metaphysical books, everything from gemstones and herbal almanacs to aura reading, books about Buddhism and chakras. And then the few books I kept from my time as a Computer Animation student. Acting for Animators by Ed Hook, a fantastic read. Stop Staring which is more about 3D facial workflow rather than rigging, but still an amazing resource. I have the second and third edition. I think there’s a fourth that I need to look into getting…

 

I have donated the six boxes of books that I used to have to the local library at home. All of the novels I read, the series that I loved so much and the ones that helped me survive through high school. I have lovingly run my fingers over their spines for the last time as I parted with those books already. After moving four times, packing and unpacking paper loses it’s appeal pretty fast. They served their purpose and so I felt it was time to move on, to let go of what I was holding on to. So they’re gone.

 

I would give up my desktop computer, and actually that is something that I’ve been thinking about doing more and more recently. I don’t even have it set up right now. It’s literally sitting on the floor in the bedroom under the desk, the monitors in the closet so I can have more work area. For how much I loved and cherished and was possessive over my desktop, I don’t use it anymore.

 

The last thing I really did with it was play Witcher III, a free game that I got from Frank, and really I feel it would play better on the PS4 that Zane bought than the PC, so I’ve been thinking about purchasing it for the system.

 

I would give up my desktop since I’m honestly not using it and that makes me feel pretty shitty because I was so angry with RB when I found out about the viruses on it. I spent so much time cleaning my computer up and feeling wronged over something that is basically a giant paper weight now. It makes me feel remorseful.

 

I don’t have a billion pairs of shoes. I have my old set of running shoes which I plan to use for my race in February. I have the new ones I’ve been training in. I have the pair I wear to work, and one set of sandals which I’ve had for three years now. No fancy stilettos, no sexy boots. Just practical, functional stuff. If I had to I could live with just the one set I’m training in… Maybe four sets is a little excessive.

 

I don’t have tons of clothes that I don’t wear. I might get rid of the polos for work. I don’t do the tours for the school anymore so I don’t need them, and since I’m not forced to wear them I don’t.

 

I need my backpack to carry my stuff to and from work. My work laptop is not my own. The bike is not my own. I’m actually taking Frank’s bike to the shop with me tonight to trade it in since I use Zane’s bike exclusively…

 

I guess the bookcases in the storage unit… I could get rid of those, too. I got those from the Reuse section at the Uhaul. Someone was throwing them away so I took them. I don’t really need them. I only need one shelf apparently for all of my book stuff, so why would I need three bookcases? I have no real attachment to them. They’re not the handmade bookcases of my grandfather’s which I originally had with me when I moved for school. Those are with my mom, safe and sound.

 

I try to live a minimalist life style. The things I have are important to me, and I keep them for a reason. That or they serve a specific function. There is very little I would get rid of because there is very little that I have.

 

I would, and have, gladly given my time and effort for people. I have made financial contributions to charities, good causes, even buying food for homeless people. I donate the unused cans in the pantry to the school’s food pantry for student’s who are going through financial hardships, or to the YMCA food drives.

 

But, honestly, I don’t have much, so as far as “things” go, I don’t have much to give. I got off the “treadmill of accumulation” a while ago.

 

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Prompt Page 006: Stealing

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
Have I ever taken something
I wasn’t supposed to?

 

Have I ever taken something I wasn’t supposed to? What did I take? What were the circumstances? Who or what was the victim of my unauthorized taking? Did I feel guilty? Do I think it was immoral? Would I call it “stealing”?

 

Oh man. All of the questions.

 

Yes. I have taken things I wasn’t supposed to.

 

I would take candies from one of the jars at my grandmother’s house. Only the dark chocolate ones though. So it was ok…

 

When I was younger my cousin had some not good friends. They would shoplift, and though I don’t remember ever actually stealing anything, I was part of the group. I remember how one time my heart was beating so fast, my hands shaking so hard at the thought of taking one of the little keychain rings at the dollar store we were in. I feel, now, that I should have done something to stop them. I knew it was wrong, which is part of the reason there was so much adrenalin in my system. I was scared about getting caught. I didn’t like the thought of doing something wrong, yet I stood and did nothing to prevent it for the sake of being part of the group, for feeling included.

 

More recently, I had a glass of milk to go with one of the brownies that Zane made. I didn’t ask for permission, and though Trevor is pretty chill about stuff like that, and thinks that things like milk and eggs are communal, along with pasta and veggies… pretty much anything unless it is explicitly stated, to me it was sort of immoral.

 

I would have wanted someone to ask me to use my milk since I buy organic milk and it’s not cheap. I want my milk to be there when I go to use it. If I want someone to ask me to use my things, I should do the same. Lead by example. But I didn’t because it was 2 in the morning and I wasn’t going to wake Trevor and Danielle up just to have a cup of milk. I did feel guilty about it, and ended up buying the next container as atonement.

 

I don’t think it really counts as stealing since by exact definition stealing is taking without the intent to return. Since I did return, or at least replace the milk I used, I feel I’m square with the Universe.

 

I’m not in the habit of taking or using things that are not my own. I don’t think I’ve ever really stolen anything. I’m pretty sure I would remember if I had. Even when things are left from exs I try to return the items because I don’t feel it is right to keep them. They’re not mine. Keeping them would be stealing and I don’t want that hanging over my head, or thrown in my face later in life for whatever reason.

 

If I want something I’ll get it through my own means. Usually monetary means.

 

I remember one instance where I did try to steal something on my own. It was at day care. I don’t think I was in school yet. My dad would always play with my hair and put clips and barrettes in it. I was walking by the cubbies we were allowed to put our stuff inside of and I saw a really pretty barrette. It wasn’t mine, but I took it so my dad could use it. I thought he would like it.

 

I got in trouble for that. When asked why I took it I couldn’t explain why because of how upset I was. Now, as an adult, I can see why it was so frustrating for the care takers and my parents. But I can also remember my mentality at the time and how I didn’t understand. If they wanted the barrette why weren’t they wearing it? I wasn’t going to break it or mess it up. I was going to take care of it and it would have made my dad happy.

 

Only it didn’t. He was really upset with me. I guess that’s where I learned that if it’s not mine I shouldn’t mess with it. It makes the people I care about upset with me, and I didn’t like those feelings.

 

I have also been stolen from in the past. In one instance it was by a person I considered my best friend. It was silly. We had gone to the beach. My grandmother had gotten me a new beach towel recently, a really big one with a black and red tribal dragon on it. It was freaking awesome. No lie. I loved that thing, and until this beach trip I had kept it tacked up on my wall because I liked looking at it. The dragon was that super cool.

 

I had forgotten to bring the towel back home with me after the trip, accidentally leaving it in my friend’s car. When I went back over a few days later I found it on her own wall, and when I asked to have it back she said it was hers. That she had told her mom she had liked mine so much that they went out and got one just like it. She wasn’t sure where mine was. That marked the end of our friendship. It may seem like it ended over a towel, but that wasn’t it for me. You can’t be my friend and steal or lie to me. That’s not how friendship works.

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Prompt Page 005: Lies

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
How comfortable am I with lying?

 

How comfortable am I with lying?

I hate, loath, lies. I have so many quotes stored in my head about lying. Things from the Russian proverb, “I would rather be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie,” to advice from famous people like Mark Twain, “If you tell the truth, you don’ t have to remember anything,” to little inspirational picture quotes from Facebook with powerful words from anonymous authors, “Tell a lie once and all your truths become questionable.”

 

I do not like lies, and I do my best to be honest, which sometimes needs to be tempered with diplomacy because words can hurt more than any physical, worldly weapon.

 

However, since there is always a flip side… I competed in impromptu speaking for my FBLA group in high school for a year. I am good and being able to come up with things off the top of my head. If I had to, I could, successfully, lie to people.

 

I suppose my biggest example of that is, “Yeah, I’m fine.” For a while lying about my emotions was so second nature that it was like breathing for me. I didn’t even realize I was lying half the time.

 

I was really, really good at it, and it is one of the reasons so few people knew I was suicidal during college. I don’t think anyone, not even my mom, realized the depth at which I was hurting because of how good I got at covering up the truth.

 

I am proud to say that this is no longer the case. I am happy that I am no longer comfortable with lying, and that though I am sure I could still do it if I wanted to, and still have people believe the things I say, that I choose not to.

 

I value the people in my life enough to tell them the truth. If I want them to be honest with me, I need to show that I respect them enough to be honest with them.

 

Are there certain circumstances when I am comfortable telling a lie, and others when I am not?

Going back to the whole “lying about my emotions” thing… I feel that is really the only area that I have seriously lied about in my adult life, because we all know that as kids we lied about the cookie jar… I’m pretty sure that’s not what this prompt is talking about though.

 

When I was younger, when the divorce first happened, when answering the “Are you ok?” question, I didn’t think of it as lying even though it was. I was just brushing an extremely inconvenient and painful question away so I could get on with my life.

 

No. I wasn’t fine. Why couldn’t everyone leave me alone? What was I doing to give it away? How could I fix this issue so people would stop worrying about me?

 

In my head it was ok to lie. I was doing it to spare everyone else. I was doing it to put distance between the world and myself. Distance that I felt I needed. I wasn’t ready to talk about anything that was going on, and every time that question was asked it felt like acid inside my body, making me blindingly aware of just how “not ok” I was.

 

I have a different mentality now, but as an injured teenage girl I felt justified and that my responses were ok. What I was doing wasn’t wrong. It was what I had to answer to survive my own internal battle. No one else could help me, so I lied, hoping that it was what they wanted to hear, that my answer would satisfy them and I would be left alone to try to figure everything out.

 

I’m not defending my actions. Well… I guess in a way I am. I think of it more as trying to explain a past wrong. It’s not what I would do now, but I have grown and changed, and while I am still the same person, having the wisdom I do now means that the choices I made then are not the choices I would make today.

 

At the moment there are no circumstances where I would be ok with lying.

 

When was the last time I told a lie?

I honestly don’t remember but it was most likely to Zane and most likely about being ok when I really wasn’t. It’s still a knee jerk reaction sometimes, and there are still times where it doesn’t register in my brain that I have actually answered the question.

 

We’re getting better about it though since I have a sensitivity to the questions, “Are you ok?” and “Are you upset?”.

 

Instead of asking, “Are you ok?” We’re trying to move to asking, “How do you feel?”

 

It makes me stop and analyze my internal landscape. What am I feeling? Most of the time it is not upset or sad. A lot of the time it’s a mix of pretty complex emotions and without the time to reflect I am not able to understand my reactions or communicate effectively. My emotions can be so intense, so forceful and sudden, like landslides and volcanoes within myself.

 

Asking me to be detached from that, to actually look and see what it is that I am experiencing helps me to better communicate. “How do you feel?” requires a more involved answer which takes time and thought rather than the age old, single word answer to the dreaded, “Are you ok?” line.

 

Does my body language reveal when I am lying?

No. But it can reveal when I am uncomfortable with the truth I am about to say. If it is something I am worried about, something I feel may cause discord between someone and myself, or if I am having trouble finding the words I want to use, my body will express my inner discord.

 

It can be hard to breath because my chest will get tight, constricting with the desire to hold back and not hurt someone with my words. My muscles will tense sometimes, toes curling as I try to physically pull away because I don’t want to say what so desperately wants to spill from my lips. I want, sometimes need, to say what’s on my mind but my body is fighting that urge, putting so much effort into restraining the words, trying to keep them trapped within myself.

 

There is conflict. I need to be honest, but I need to not hurt the other person and sometimes I can’t see the way to do both at the same time. That conflict can be physically painful for me.

 

In those instances the best thing for people to do is to give me time. It’s not that I don’t want to communicate. It’s not that I’m looking for a lie. It’s that I don’t know the words to use to keep going with the conversation. I need time. I need understanding and patience.

 

How good do I think I am at spotting when someone else is lying? What clues do I use?

Intuition. I don’t know how I know when people are lying, I just do. It’s a feeling. There’s something in the way they speak, a difference in their tone. The way their eyes move. The way they breathe just a little shallower, and then deeper as their body relaxes.

 

There’s just something about lies that I’m sensitive to. Not saying that I’ve never been lied to, but eventually I always pick up on it, and the longer it takes for me to figure out, the more napalm that’s dropped on that particular bridge.

 

Instead of lying to me tell me that you don’t want to talk about whatever it is. You’re not ready at the moment. You need more time to figure it out. “We’ll talk later.”

 

Or tell me that it’s not my business. Or tell me the truth, especially if it involves me directly so I can make smart choices about the situation.

 

Maybe this is me being a slightly over developed J on the INFJ scale, but I no longer have a tolerance for lies, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that almost all of my emotional pain has stemmed from being lied to, by others as well as myself.

 

The truth may suck, a lot. But I would rather have a the pain of ripping a band aid off than the agony of having to heal through infection, or in the worst situations amputate part of my soul when we realize the relationship has been infected for so long that it can’t be salvaged.

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