Still rocking the whole “new method” thing for posting. Posts in the evening are my quiet reflection time where I can write about the day and any randomness I might have on my mind. Because of that, I can see these being my longer posts. I also intend to end the day with another gratitude section. I think that will help, both starting and ending my day acknowledging something I’m grateful for.
Anywho… on to the good stuff.
Daily Summary:
Today has been nice. The weather was warmer and it was sunny. There wasn’t an awful wind, biting through my skin chilling my bones. I’m still waiting for it to be summer. I’m still waiting to be able to enjoy a summer rather than working constantly or being in nursing school. Maybe this year will be the year.
I got a lot of my meal prep done. Not all of it. Still haven’t swept, mopped, or run the dishwasher. I still have time before going to sleep since I work late shifts now. Maybe I’ll still find the gumption to get all of it completed. Even if not, I’m content with all the things I was able to accomplish in that regard.
Work was nice. I wasn’t as active in the Jabber chat my team has. Instead, I did a lot of computer training things. Each month they send out an email with “recommended” courses to take. A lot of them revolve around personal development. It’s where I got the idea to change the way I post. If it’s in smaller, seemingly more manageable sections, maybe I’ll be better about returning to my habit of writing and reflection.
There’s actually been a lot of things recently that I have been incorporating back into my life. Reading is one of them. Nelnet has its own library on Overdrive. While most of the books available there are professional development and such, there are other books which have actually been very interesting reads. Atomic Habits by James Clear was one of them. Also, The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls by Mona Eltahawy. While Atomic Habits gave me behavioral changes and actions which I can incorporate into my life, The Seven Necessary Sins was extremely thought-provoking. I enjoyed both books.
I’m almost done listening to Radical Candor by Kim Scott. While this is aimed more at managers or people with direct reports, it can be applied to anything in life where there is human interaction. Even in relationships, there is a need for feedback and clear communication. I have about an hour left in the book. I’m hoping to finish listening to it once I am done writing as I cross stitch.
I spent a lot of time on the phone with Warren today. We talked pretty extensively about covid along with borderline personality disorder. He was able to give me some insight on issues I have been struggling with and I in turn was able to listen to some of the stress he has been going through.
It was a connective conversation and I’m glad we were able to talk.
I finally mailed out a birthday card for my nephew. It’s going to be extremely late, but at least I sent one. John signed it as well. We’re both trying to get better about the little things.
I saw Ox today. He came over after work. We had lunch together. With my schedule being opposite of his now, we don’t get much time. His covid test was negative this morning. I guess that’s something I should mention since I write so infrequently now…
Ornery Ox was not feeling well last Friday. His rapid covid test was negative, but Monday the results for his PCR test came back positive. So… we all quarantined for the recommended 5 days, all of which we were asymptomatic. So… Thursday or so when Papa Ox took a rapid test which came back positive quarantine started all over again.
I’m still doing fine. Ox is negative and feeling fine. Mama Ox has been fine. And Papa Ox feels like crap, but is doing better.
And that’s about it for my day. Pretty chill. Got a decent amount of stuff done over the weekend which carried over into today. It’s a slightly frail feeling, but I’m doing better than I was about not being depressed and I’m going to keep trying to foster that in the days to come.
Random Ramblings:
And here is where I’m going to ramble a bit about covid.
I don’t want to get the vaccine. This sort of came to a head the other night in one of my dynamics. Several people have expressed how it would make them feel better if I got it, but the other night was the first night I felt pressured to do so.
I did a search to figure out the difference between “shots” like the flu shot and vaccinations. There isn’t a difference. The flu shot is a type of vaccine. The term shot refers to it being an injection. Vaccine refers to the type of shot; one that facilitates immunization. The length of immunization doesn’t matter. It could provide immunization for a lifetime or be required yearly, as in the case of the flu. Length of immunization does not differentiate if something is a shot or a vaccine.
So there’s that. I’m ok with that information and it helps clarify things inside my head.
Since I had to quarantine, I looked up CDC guidelines for quarantine and isolation. The only reference I had to go by was from 2020 and I wanted to know if anything had changed from then to now.
This is where things get dicey for me.
If you are fully vaccinated, you don’t have to quarantine, even if you test positive for covid.
What the ever-loving fuck?
Hear me out, or don’t, that’s ok. This is where I get to ramble and there’s no obligation for you to read what I write/think, nor to like it.
But seriously? What the fuck? Just because you are vaccinated doesn’t mean you’re not spreading germs. It means the effects of those germs, ideally, do not affect you as severely. You still have active, living, germs in your system and you are spreading them, regardless of vaccination status.
This whole situation is infuriating. The CDC has gone from being a respected source of guidance pre-Trump, to being so severely undermined by the government no one listened to them peri-Trump, to doing damage control and trying to gain back some semblance of respectable standing post-Trump.
With how society lost its collective fucking shit over a 2-week lockdown, it feels like the CDC is trying to appease the masses.
CDC: It’s ok that you have a highly contagious virus all up in your respiratory tract. You got the vaccine so it’s totally ok for you to go out unmasked and breathe all over everything so the virus continues to circulate. Especially as it continues to mutate. We definitely want to get those variants spread around!
Not actually said by CDC
For fucks sake. It’s not vaccinated versus unvaccinated. It’s humanity versus the fucking virus but no one sees it that way. It’s all finger-pointing and who’s fault is it. Anyone with covid on their hands touching things, anyone with covid in their system breathing around other people, that’s what’s causing it to spread. No the unvaccinated endangering the vaccinated because they’re the “filthy spreaders”. That’s not how the chain of infection works.
Infectious shit doesn’t care if you’re vaccinated or not. The only thing the vaccine does is potentially mitigate your symptoms. It doesn’t reduce your level of contagiousness to others.
This is literally the worst fucking group project in my life. >.<;
The people in my life who I have spoken with about this topic over the past few days continue to respect my choice without making me feel bad. They have concern for me, yes. They have also expressed their love and acceptance of me and that while it would hurt for them to lose me, they will not force me to do something I do not wish to do.
Which leaves me… nowhere. I have no answer on how I am supposed to navigate this situation. I feel like getting the vaccine isn’t the core issue within my dynamic. I feel like it’s something deeper than the vaccine and the covid issue is just a surface-level detail that will be replaced/displaced as time goes on. If I become vaccinated then it will shift to how there are breakthrough cases and I still might die. If I have the sniffles or don’t feel well it will be nearing the end of the world. What happens if I have to go to the actual doctor?
On a deeper level, I feel like this concern stems from a fear of my death, but I am mortal and I have a higher chance of dying in a car crash than I do from pretty much anything else. I can’t death proof my life and I would rather live what life I am able to without feeling like I sacrificed my autonomy and personal beliefs for an issue that will never be fixable, avoidable.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to have this conversation. This feeling sucks and I wish there was an easy answer; one where everyone felt ok.
Gratitude:
I’m grateful for my apartment. I’m grateful for the solitude I have had tonight to write and be with myself. I don’t think I’ve really figured anything out in regards to my covid situation, but I do feel better about reflecting on my day and actually writing. We’ll see where all of this goes.