I am going to try something new with my writing. You know… the writing I haven’t been doing… Yeah… that writing.
Instead of feeling paralyzed by the thought because “where do I start?” I’m going to try using a bit of a template and see how I do with that. Here’s my first go at it. Woo.
Morning posts will be more structured with clear sections: Gratitude, goal, concern, and achievement. Evening posts will be more reflective: Daily summary, random ramblings. Hopefully, by breaking things out a bit more and providing a clearer structure I can get back into the habit of having time for myself where I not only hear myself but reflect on what it is I am saying.
Gratitude:
Today I am grateful for my discipline. Mornings have been extremely hard recently. If I’m able to get out of bed, I’m fine. It seems to take a lot of effort and willpower to do that simple action though. I’m grateful I have the discipline to suck it up, do it, and allow that one action to kick start the rest of my day. Even if it sucks, I eventually do it, and because I do it my days start to suck less.
#1 Goal:
My goal for today is to meal prep. That’s not a single task though. There’s a lot that goes into it. I have to analyze and be strategic about what to cook first, when to cook it, cutting up/preparing what is required for that particular meal, packing the food away once it’s done, cleaning up used dishes, cleaning counters. I’ll even though in sweeping/mopping the kitchen into the whole picture of “meal prep”. Heck, let’s go for broke. Loading, running and unloading the dishwasher, too.
I’m not only prepping my food, I’m cleaning up the mess I create and returning my space to a clean organized sense of structure.
I have two more meals to go. I’ve done three already. A lot of what I’m cooking I’m freezing so I can have it throughout the next weeks. I’m almost done with the cooking phase. I’ve been doing dishes as I go. Once I’m done cooking I can clean the counters, finish loading the dishwasher, run it, then sweep/mop.
There’s still a bit to do, but I’ve already done so much. I feel able to finish this goal and I like that feeling. Look at me being a badass and shit.
#1 Concern
Keeping up with email/communication.
There are a handful of people in my life, a handful of dynamics, which are requiring a lot of energy and attention. This isn’t a bad thing. I am very aware of how I tend to leave communication on the back burner. I’m trying not to do that. I’m worried about falling into old behavior patterns.
I am concerned that I will fall short. Out of all the other worries and concerns I have going on, harming my dynamics is at the forefront of my mind right now.
I’m trying to establish and keep safe boundaries around my energy reserves while still ensuring I am present. It’s… hard… a lot of the conversations invoke deep emotions. With reducing my antidepressant dosage, it takes more to work through the emotions that are brought up. It’s been leaving me tired with not much left to give at the end of the calls. It makes me crave solitude and silence so I can allow my internal space to also be quiet.
Maybe if it was only one area it would be easier. But it’s not. It’s typically 2-4 areas; dynamics. It feels like a lot when I’m still trying to also focus on myself. I’ll figure it out as I go. I know I will. That doesn’t mean it’s not a concern weighing on my mind.
#1 Achievement:
I’ve been doing well at work. I’ve been an independent advisor for a couple of weeks now. Maybe three? I don’t remember. I’m doing well though not only in my assigned position but internally, personally. My new job is affording me the time I need to figure myself out and I appreciate that time.
I think surviving training, my step towards independence within the role, and proving to myself that I can, yet again, survive a career change is an achievement and I want to take a moment to allow myself to feel that achievement.
So here I am, feeling achieved and stuff for being an adult and still getting a paycheck.
