It’s a little after 7 am and I’m alone at the house and writing. Well… not completely alone. Papa Ox is still here but I very rarely interact with him. He will come out to the kitchen for breakfast and coffee and then go back to his computer room to work. I will stay in the bedroom and our paths most likely won’t cross until dinner when we all sit down to eat.

He’s nice and kind and has been accepting of me, but he is a man of few words. I know I haven’t written much about him but I guess that’s because, for the most part, there isn’t much to write. I have to interact with Mama Ox much more to coordinate meals and grocery shopping and cleaning different areas of the house, so it’s easier to make it seem like Mama Ox is the only other person in the picture even though she’s not.

Anyway, because I’m secure in the fact that Papa Ox won’t disturb me, it feels like actual solitude right now, which is an amazing feeling.

I went to sleep early last night after a decent day, and now that I’m writing I’ve realized that I didn’t write anything about yesterday. I’m so focused on what’s ahead that I forgot to take time to reflect on what happened.

Yesterday, as I said, was decent. I didn’t sleep enough and I totally did that too myself. I wasn’t able to fall asleep until around 1 in the morning. With a 3 am wake up call, that sucks. I snoozed my alarm instead of getting up to shower. I took time to heat up waffles for breakfast; not my first choice but at least I ate something.

I drove to work while my eyes burned from lack of sleep. I found out fairly early in my shift that one of our patients had died Friday. I didn’t know her all that well since I’m so new to the clinic, but I was getting to know her. She was extremely kind to me. She never got upset when I forgot that she was the patient who preferred to use band-aids rather than gauze. She would tell me stories about her puppy dog. She had a kind and warm smile and she will be missed; her empty chair a reminder that she’s no longer here.

The workday went fairly smoothly. No crazy turn over. One of our patients called and said he wasn’t coming. That wasn’t a surprise since he’s super non-compliant even when he does show up. Rarely does he ever stay for a full treatment.

I was able to start playing around with the bins my AA got for me. I have 45 termination kits made for our CVC patients. That’s a pretty decent amount. That will get us through most of the month; a little over three weeks. I would have preferred closer to 60, but the bins aren’t quite that big. This at least gives me two weeks before having to worry about making another batch, and that’s the biggest thing. I don’t have to do packs weekly or daily. We have a stockpile and I can rotate through making things.

I got to check my paystub while I was at the clinic. Still no wage increase. I need to check it again before the meeting today just to double check something, but yeah, I will be mentioning this to my FA afterward.

The RN I like working with got a phone call with a job offer she’s going to be taking. That sort of sucks. I don’t know how much longer she’s going to be working with me, but I know her absence is going to leave a huge hole at the clinic; one I can’t fill. One I couldn’t fill for at least two years, so yeah… that is going to suck.

I don’t so much care that she’s leaving. She needs to make the choices that are right for her and I’m not all that heartbroken to see her go. She’s a good nurse, but not a very compassionate or clean nurse. I get along with her and she’s a solid worker, so we flow through the day well. But if trash falls on the floor, like gauze wrappers, she leaves it on the floor. She’ll leave trash on the trays next to the patients, or used syringes…

I don’t know. It’s not clean and it bothers me to know my patients are sitting next to garbage, or having to look at it on the ground, a place it’s clearly not supposed to be. It’s something I actively correct while I’m working with this RN. I go behind her and clean her areas up and make sure the patients are comfortable.

Me: Do you need anything else? Your blanket? The tv? Water with ice? *steathily shifts things into garbage bin and sharps container* Well if you need anything, you let us know. *warm smile as I move to the next area of disaster*

I know this RN can come off as abrasive and that there are some patients who are happy to see her go.

I’m worried about the extra stress it’s going to cause my team, having to find someone to cover a clinic so far away with machines that are completely different from anything they’ve worked with before. I feel like all I can do to  help is be consistent.

I may offer to work five days a week. I’m not sure if they can allow that hourwise. I’m not sure if that’s something I can maintain, and I know as a PCT that doesn’t fix the issue of not having a charge nurse. It could make our clinic a bit more stable though by not having a tech have to float down on the two days I’m off. It would be over time for me which would give me more money and more PTO which I’m going to need if I do take off time in August to visit my brothers and friends in Orlando.

I don’t know… it’s an idea I had yesterday while I was typing up a list of things I want to talk about during and after the meeting today. We’ll see how that gets received I guess. My heart isn’t set on it. It’s really more like recon than hoping it will work out.

That’s about it as far as work goes. Not a whole lot to say at the moment. The meeting is at noon so I plan to leave around 11 to be there early.

After work yesterday, I came home. Jon called me while I was driving and he and I talked for a while. We’ve been talking more consistently. I like it. Ox called, too, or rather, he texted me saying to call him, so I chatted with him while he drove to Home Depot to order the countertops everyone decided on.

It was nice sitting in my car outside talking to both of them. The sun was out. It was warmer than it has been, though the breeze still had a bit of winter bite to it. The grass was surprisingly green even though yesterday it was buried under snow. Birds were chirping… I stayed in my car for a few minutes just to enjoy the moment. It was close to six. I was already off work and home. It was still sunny outside… Life isn’t awful.

Once I was done with my phone calls, I went to shower the day away. Mama Ox cornered me as I was about to go into the bathroom and asked if I wanted to cook dinner. I had already told Ox on the phone that I would, but there was a large part of me who didn’t want to. I was tired. My head was starting to hurt from being awake so long with so little sleep. I was really hesitant before answering that I had planned to cook the deer steak in the fridge for dinner but that I wouldn’t be heartbroken if I could save that for tomorrow instead.

Mama Ox: You know, you don’t have to answer everything so delicately. *warm smile* Alright, you’re off the hook for tonight.

It was such a relief having someone else take over that obligation. Willingly, no less. My mind had a hard time wrapping around my interaction. Mama Ox wasn’t upset with me. She didn’t think I was a slacker. She didn’t think anything negative at all; at least not that I know off. She made an Asian dish with peppers, onion, carrot, bamboo shoots, and cashews and it was fantastic.

Since she took over dinner I was able to enjoy my shower rather than rushing through it. I was able to finish vacuuming the room, something I had started on Saturday but never found the time to finish. I folded the laundry AND put it away. I rearranged things a bit so now there are two dirty clothes baskets in the room. One for me and one for Ox.

Since he does construction work he’s worried about washing our clothes together. He doesn’t want mine to get messed up with oil and grease and grime from his work. Most of my stuff is soft, thin microfiber. His is heavy, thick jeans and cargo pants. His stuff has velcro, too. I can’t disagree with his logic on washing our stuff separate.

While washing separate seems to work fine, having only one basket was causing friction in the system. With only one basket, I would have to hunt through it and pick out what was and wasn’t supposed to go into the washer. And though the modified system of, “my stuff in the basket, your stuff in a pile on the floor” was working… it was like a low-grade sandpaper scrapping over my brain cells everytime I was in the bedroom because dirty clothes aren’t “supposed” to be on the floor.

Hopefully, the two basket system helps keep things a little more organized and clean. We’ll see how it goes.

Anywho, it ended up being a very enjoyable evening last night; one which ended shortly after dinner since I was so tired.

I took two Excedrin, drank a bunch of water, then crawled into bed beside Ox as he played World of Warcraft. As I was drifting off to sleep I asked if we could throw the books away.

The basement is pretty empty aside from stuff that needs to be thrown out. One of the things Ox and I have talked about before is clearing it out so I can have a punching bag down there. As I was driving home last night I thought about how I knew I wanted to work out, but I didn’t want to go to the gym and run, or do weight machines, and there wasn’t a class I could get to. It would have been nice to just come home and punch something for a bit and then shower and continue on with the rest of my night.

Ox: Yeah. We can do that, baby.

All of the warm fuzzy feels.

I know we most likely won’t get it cleaned up to the point of being able to get a bag right away, but it’s a step in that direction. It’s probably what I’m looking forward to the most about today. Ox coming home and us moving forward together, even if it’s only by a little bit.

As far as today goes, I need to make breakfast since I’m starving. There’s a bit of stuff I want to take care of and look into before showering and heading out to my meeting. After my meeting, I plan to go to the gym and workout. I also plan to turn in my piece of paper inquiring about personal training with the doctor they have on staff. I offered to go grocery shopping for Mama Ox this morning before she left for work, so I’ll most likely run into town after the gym. Before stopping by the grocery store I’ll stop by the bank and actually go inside.

I bank with Navy Federal Credit Union. The closest physical branch is in Omaha, roughly an hour away. According to the Navy Federal app, there’s a bank I can use in town that won’t charge me for using their services. I’ve withdrawn money from this bank’s ATM a few times and been fine. No missing money. No charges. We’re good.

Saturday, while we were out, I asked Ox if we could stop by the bank so I could deposit the $50 of cash he gave me into my account. He didn’t want me to use the ATM to deposit because he was worried it wouldn’t go into my account properly since it’s not “my bank’s” ATM. He said he would rather I get clarification from someone rather than risk losing the $50 in a void of nothingness, never to be seen again.

Though I don’t share his worry, I understand it. I agreed that I would wait and talk to someone, though I didn’t know when that would be. Well, it just so happens that if I work things right, it could be today, so I’ve already added it to my to-do list.

Once grocery shopping is complete I’ll get to come home and cook then throw away stuff in the basement for a little bit. I’m sure that will lead to needing a shower, and then it will be bedtime since I work tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to today and I’m hungry, so I’m going to go.