Month: January 2016

Prompt Page 003: Generosity Ninjas

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
When was the last time I did
something nice for a stranger?

 

I almost didn’t do this prompt since it seemed so closely related to the other prompts I have written for these past few days. After reading the page though and looking at the questions at the end, I decided that I actually still have a few things to say on the topic.

 

Have I ever been part of a “drive-through generosity” chain or something like it? If so, how did I react?

 

I’ve never been part of one actually. I’ve never had it happen to me, and even though I have thought about it, I have never done it for someone else. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite at the moment with how much I have talked about helping others and doing the right thing and then saying that I blatantly haven’t done this particular type of kind act.

 

Sometimes there are financial reasons behind my choice. There have been times where I shouldn’t have ben buying food for myself because money was so tight, much less trying to cover someone else. Other times I just don’t do it. I don’t have a reason other than because it’s my money. Because it feels lame, cheap, hollow. It feels thoughtless.

 

Being kind in a drive-through feels robotic to me, like I’m part of some sort of conveyer belt system, which doesn’t feel good, so I don’t do it. And I know that sounds like a horribly selfish answer, but that’s how I feel.

 

Yes. Most of the stuff I do I try to do behind the scenes. Like when I got the cards for Donna and Carol. I waited until after they had left for the day to put the cards in their “In” trays. I wanted them to get the cards when I wasn’t there so they wouldn’t have feelings of obligation. I didn’t want to stand around while they read my message of thanks.

 

I wanted them to know that while they are working, all alone behind their computer desks, that people still notice their hard work and still appreciated them. I didn’t want them to say thank you to me. That wasn’t the point of the card. It was to give them something physical, something they could look at on a rough day, and remember that it’s not pointless. People do appreciate them.

 

When I get a server who seems to be having a crap day I leave a small note on my receipt saying I hope things get better for them. I normally leave a better than average tip as well even if my service was shit. We’ve all had crap days, and as an introvert I couldn’t image what it would be like to be a server, trapped around tons of people, most of them probably ungrateful, with no way to escape and recover like I would need to. What if they’re having family issues? Relationship issues? Financial issues?

 

What if they’re stressing over how to put gas in the car so they can make it to work the next day? How is my stiffing them for “bad service” going to make their day any better? Maybe all they need is a reminder that it will be ok. That things work out.

 

When I was driving back home for Thanksgiving I had breakfast at a Waffle House. I felt bad about it. I even told my mom while I was on the phone with her before leaving the hotel how I didn’t like how I was going to be “one of those people”. I was going to be part of the reason those people weren’t at home with their own families, sleeping in under the warm covers.

 

I was so hungry though that I went anyway, and, as can be expected, my server wasn’t in the best of moods. I left her a $20 tip on a $10 meal. I let all of the people there know that I appreciated that they were open and that I hoped they were able to enjoy the rest of their day.

 

I’m noticing that a lot of my actions are money related, but not all of them are.

 

I put up shopping carts at the grocery store when people leave them out in the parking lot. It drives me crazy when people do that. How hard is it to walk it back up to the store, or put it in one of the little cart return spots? How lazy and inconsiderate can you be?

 

My faith in humanity may or may not hinge on shopping carts… >.>;

 

I may not go through the whole parking lot putting up all of the carts, but I’ve had people pull me away from the task after three or four, saying that someone else is paid to do that. Yeah, they are paid to do that, but you know what? They could do something more constructive with their time if people didn’t act like lazy children who can’t pick up after themselves. I’m pretty sure that was something taught to us before kindergarden. If you use it, put it back where it belongs. /end rage

 

I like to think that even if I can’t change the behavior and thoughtlessness of others that at least there three carts that someone isn’t having to mentally bitch about taking care of. It might not be a big deal. It might not even be noticeable. But I know that I did it. And it makes me feel like I have done something to help someone else.

 

Do I agree with Ms. Murphy’s idea that paying it forward is a response to all the bad things that happen in the world?

 

In a way yes. I think for some people it genuinely is an act of kindness. For other’s I think it is to be part of a trend. To have “bragging” rights, in a way. They were part of something “good” and they can tell their friends about it and their friends can think they’re awesome and kind and generous. I think for some people it’s more about praise than being kind and that bothers me. I don’t like the idea of being part of a trend and having that type of stigma applied to me. It’s not a good feeling.

 

Do I think it is effective? Why or why not?

As far as paying it forward in a drive through, I honestly can’t say. I’ve never been part of it, but I do think random acts of kindness are effective in helping to make the world better. I know how I feel when something kind is done for me, and it’s a good feeling. Making others feel good and worthwhile isn’t a bad thing in my book. If we want a more loving, compassionate world we need to put in the time and effort to make it so. The only thing evil needs in order to triumph is for good men to do nothing I believe is how the quote goes.

 

Why do I think generosity like this in drive-through lanes has been such a phenomenon, but hasn’t seemed to have happened in restaurants as much?

 

Oh, man. That’s a good question and one I actually hadn’t thought of.

 

I think drive-throughs are a lot like the Internet. It’s fast and anonymous. You’re a generosity ninja. There’s no real personal interaction, not even with the cashier. You’re gone before you know it. It’s also relatively cheap.

 

With restaurants you’re sitting at your table. You’re chatting with your server. There’s the chance that the people you pay for will find out and come thank you and then you’ll be trapped having to assure them that it was nothing. That there’s no need for them to do something in return.

 

I think paying in a restaurant is “riskier” and that’s why people don’t do it as much.

 

How can I pay it forward?

I think I do a pretty good job, though there is always room for improvement. I don’t think I will become part of the trend for paying it forward in drive-throughs, and while at first I felt bad about that, I no longer do.

 

I would rather raise money for Mellie and her family, who I’ll never see. I would rather put carts away, or pick up trash on the ground. I feel like those actions actually do something, and that makes me feel good. I want to feel like I make a difference, and without that feeling the actions feel hallow.

I may not do everything, but I do a lot of things, and I think that counts towards something.

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Prompt Page 002: Helping Hand

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

 

Today’s Topic:
Would I help an injured Stranger?

 

What do I think I would do in a similar situation?

I want to say that yes, yes I would help, but I honestly don’t know.

 

I hold the door open for people if I see them struggling. Like when I was at the bike store being checked out. An elderly man came in with a bike, trying to get it through the door, which wouldn’t stay open, along with himself, something I had struggled to do myself only a few minutes before.

 

Instead of letting him struggle ungracefully like I had, I walked away from my transaction and held the door for him. He gave a small thank you, I went back to my spot and that was that.

 

It didn’t seem like a lot to me. It wasn’t a lot of effort. It was a simple problem.

 

But when I see cars on the side of the road, hazards flashing, I don’t stop to make sure they’re ok like people have done for me in the past. When my Buick stalled and then refused to turn back on while I was driving to pick up RB from work one day I had two different cars stop and ask if I was alright even though I had already called and arranged for someone to help me.

 

That made me feel warm and cared for and like there were good people in the world even though countless other cars passed by.

 

I’ve never stopped for someone else. I’ve never been considerate like that for another person, making sure they had a charged cell phone and were able to reach someone who could help them.

 

Would I help someone bleeding out on a street in the middle of New York? I want to say yes, that I would care about my fellow human enough to do that. But what if I didn’t see the blood? What if, like everyone else, I thought it was just a druken homeless man in the street?

 

Would I keep walking? Leave the issue for someone else? Would I stop, kneel down to check on him, and upon seeing the blood call for help?

 

I don’t know. And I hate that answer. If I look at my history, my past experiences, I am forced to admit that like many other people, if I didn’t see anything overtly wrong, I would most likely keep going.

 

I would assume that he was “fine”, just drunk, and keep going.

 

One time when I was taking Zane to work we saw a homeless man on the sidewalk. Most likely pan handling because that’s a major thing here in Orlando. It’s why I so very rarely give people any sort of money in situations like that, because you can never tell if they’re just scamming you.

 

As we were driving through the intersection a teenager jumped out of a car, ran back to the older man, punched him until he was on the ground then ran back to the car and drove a way. Right in front of Zane and me. We saw the whole thing.

 

We couldn’t stop in the middle of the intersection so we drove through and pulled into the gas station cross the street. The other car and already drove away and there was no way we could have gotten the license plate, but I was in the middle of fumbling for my phone, my hands shaking because of the adrenaline before Zane put his hands over mine.

 

Another car had stopped, one that hasn’t been in the middle of the road. The people had gotten out and were helping the man stand. The driver was on his phone.

 

I didn’t call 911. I didn’t call the police. There was nothing more I could do that the other people weren’t already doing. And still I wonder if there was something I could have, should have, done.

 

I’ve bought soup for homeless people outside of gas stations before. I have given money to people before, and I do small little things now and again.

 

But there are times where I question if I would really help when it mattered, when it counted.

 

Why do I think people hesitated to help Mr. Tale-Yax?

I think we hesitate to help others because we worry. What will happen if we help? What risk is there to us? Is it worth the risk?

 

A lot of the time I think we rationalize it out. It’s not our problem. They got themselves into that mess, let them get themselves out. We have enough stress in our lives without taking on someone else’s issues.

 

It’s easier, simpler, to stay wrapped up in our own worlds. It’s easier to be distinct and less empathetic. In a way it’s survival instinct. It’s safer to avoid whatever put the other person in that situation, or to assume that they themselves are not a threat.

 

I don’t like acknowledging that trait within myself, within others, but it’s there. And I feel that is why most people don’t help others, even when it is obvious that something is wrong.

 

Do I think people should try to help strangers in distress?

Yes. I do. I think about, “If I were in that situation, would I want someone to help me?”

 

Yes. I would. I would want someone to call the police if I was attacked on the street. I would want someone to try to help me if I were getting stabbed. I would want someone to care for me even though they don’t know who I am.

 

I would like for someone to think that my life is important and worth protecting simply for the fact that I exist, because I’m breathing.

 

I guess if I want people to do that for me I should try to do that more for others.

 

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Daily Post 075: Flexing the Girl Card

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I’m pretty sure that I am only a day behind on my writing, but since today is halfway over, and has already been a pretty eventful day, it feels like more.

 

Yesterday I didn’t do much. It was my day off. I didn’t have the car. It was a rainy, cloudy, dreary day, sort of like my mood. I slept horribly the night before because Zane kept moving around and waking me up in his sleep. That meant I didn’t really get to sleep fully, deeply, until after he left for work, which meant I slept until around noon and felt like a slacker for wasting the day away before I even rolled out of bed to enjoy my coffee.

 

I had failed before I even started. Great. Fantastic. Let me continue to fail by staying in bed for another 30 minutes just for good measure… You know… I don’t want to do anything half-assed. It’s all or nothing here.

 

I did get up eventually. I had breakfast. I had coffee. Two cups actually, though the other one wasn’t until much later in the day. I wrote a prompt page for the first time in months. That sort of helped jar me out of my funk. It reminded me that even when I feel lame and kick myself when I’m down that I’m a good person and I do good things most of the time.

 

I ended up getting dressed and biking to the bank. Zane had given me cash for his debt payment. I wanted it to be in the bank for this morning so I could pay bills and move money to where it needed to be. That meant actually getting the money deposited into my account… which meant not being a slacker and actually doing something productive with my day…

 

Fine… I’ll get up and do stuff. That way I can rest on my laurels. That way if anyone asked what I had done for the day I could feel good by replying with, “I did a 10 mile bike ride. What did you do?”

 

Yeah. Who’s the slacker now? / mic drop

 

It was actually a really good ride and I’m glad that I went. Not a ton of sun, but there wasn’t wind and it was warmer than it has been all week. It felt like a really awesome warm up to be honest. Not overly hard. Just long enough to start to get a burn going. It made me feel better about myself. About the day. It wasn’t a waste. It was just low key, like a day off should be. Sleeping in, lounging around. Enjoying my peace and quiet since no one else was at the apartment.

 

Yeah… Not a wasted day. Just a low key day.

 

I came back home and unloaded the dishwasher. I didn’t have a to-do made so I did things as I felt like it. Scarlet got brushed and we had super awesome cuddly cat time. I played Chime for a bit.

 

When Zane came home we sat on the couch and had quality time where we talked about his day and some of the calls he had to take. His hip has been bothering him. I think it’s a pinched nerve. Not fun, whatever it is. I could tell he was in pain.

 

We cooked the other half of the fish for fish tacos. Zane used a bunch of seasoning this time and it came out fantastic. Still not as great as it could have been since the lime sauce I made was a little on the weak side, but we have plans for improving the recipe which we are going to put into affect next week. Muahahaha.

 

We watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie last night. I haven’t seen the most recent movie, and I think Zane is missing the last two. Since I want to do the deck of cards as an art project I wanted to make sure I picked the right characters for the face cards. I’m not familiar with all of the characters though, so I didn’t feel I could be an accurate judge on the people I picked. Really this is just a clever ploy for movie time. : 3

 

But yeah. We watched the first movie. I cross stitched during most of it. I found out that I had made a mistake on my project but I was able to recover from it easily and made a fair amount of progress for the night.

 

Zane’s hip ended up getting worse as the night progressed, to the point where he couldn’t really walk. I went to the store and got Icy-Hot patches for him, though they didn’t seem to help all that much. There was a lot of snapping involved as I tried to help him.

 

It sucked. It didn’t make me feel loved or appreciated. We’ve already talked about it this morning. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping things in an objective mindset, but being yelled at ,“Is this hard for you?” didn’t feel good. And made me not want to help at all. : /

 

What’s the phrase about biting the hand that feeds you? Don’t do it? Can we put that into affect, please?

 

Zane slept on the couch because of his hip. I think the distance helped. I slept deeply, waking up on my own around 10. The ickiness from the night before was mostly gone, and I knew that we would eventually talk about it, hashing out all of the lingering emotions. It wouldn’t ruin the day, and we weren’t “broken”. It was just a shitty night, and we really were / are ok.

 

Zane was asleep when I went out to the living room, so I woke him up to see if he wanted breakfast. He did. He was able to walk a bit more than he had the night before and was in less pain. He had called out of work, which meant I got to use the car for the day.

 

After eating we meal planned for the coming week. Green curry, baked ziti, and another round of fish tacos since we have so much left over for it. We’re going to be doing bagels again for breakfasts, and tuna for lunches.

 

I went back to the room after a bit and did all of my bill paying. I was able to put $650 towards the card. I feel so amazing for that right now. Zane and I talked about starting to get stuff for the apartment. He wants to go out for the microwave this weekend. I think that could be fun. Date day could be apartment shopping and lunch.

 

Eventually I showered, dressing nice since I would be able to drive the car to work rather than biking. Yep. That’s right. I’m flexing my girl card today. My hair is done up all cute like and stuff. I’m wearing my maroon top with the lattice back. Nice dress slacks. Look at me girling like I actually know what I’m doing.

 

It ended up being a good thing that Zane called out of work. I don’t like that he’s in pain, but it rained all morning and didn’t stop until around noonish. I would have intensely disliked having to bike to work in the rain again.

 

Currently I’m sitting in lab, typing this up while Frank proof reads and email I need to send to my boss’s boss’s boss. Yeah…

 

I had an email last night from him asking if I wanted to run a 3D Blitz event for the school’s Hall of Fame week.

 

Yes. I do. But I don’t see how we can due to the changes in the program’s overall curriculum. It’s a long story, most likely one I will bitch write about later.

 

Right now the big take away is I’m having to email important people and diplomatically tell them that they’ve fucked up over a years worth of my effort and that unless they can help me find another way to incorporate the event that it’s most likely dead for good.

 

What I really want to say is something more along these lines…

Non-diplomatic response: “You guys fucked everything up. How is this supposed to work, and why are you asking me to do it when I’m the one who got screwed over the most? You murdered my child essentially. I would rather you burn for the rest of eternity than do something that makes you guys look good. Fuck you very much. : D”

 

No hard feelings… I promise… >.>;

 

Since I can’t actually send something like that I guess I’ll just have to be happy with expelling all of those F bombs on my blog page and move on with life. /sigh

 

Clavan and David got through all of the grading yesterday without me, so I don’t have that to worry about today. That was a positive to my day off. Work continued on without me and there weren’t fires for me to deal with for having a scheduled day off. Huzzah. Small miracles.

 

I got confirmation from Other David, the former student / current friend. We’re good for dinner tonight at 7. We’re going to Burger 21. Looking forward to that.

 

I’ve already been pretty happy with today, but I’ll save that for mostly tonight / tomorrow morning / whenever I get a chance to actually write again.

 

I’m feeling good. Life keeps on going even though some things are annoying and not fun. I’m taking care of business and making progress. Go me.

Prompt Page 001: A Question of Ethics

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Prompt by The Learning Network to combat WordPress.

Today’s Topic:
What ethical dilemmas have I faced?

Oh man. This one is going to make me think… What have I faced?

 

It’s hard to say. I don’t really think of things in the terms of ethics to be honest. I think of my choices from a very selfish stand point. Do I think this action is right or wrong? Do I think it is morally right?

 

Ethics, to me, more often refers to groups. What do others believe to be right?

 

And I think this is why ethics is such a tricky subject. What is right in one culture or social circle can be a huge taboo in another. Ethics can be extremely relative based on the group you’re surrounded by and what you are brought up believing to be “right” or “wrong”. Ethics, in some regards, are just personal opinions. So, for me, the biggest concern is analyzing the situation from a non-emotional stand point.

 

What are the facts? What does the other person / party feel? What do I feel? What do we want the outcome to be? And ultimately, what am I comfortable with doing? What could I live with if I were to die tomorrow?

 

What I feel is right or wrong can differ based on a situation. There’s a lot of factors to be considered.

 

An example of this fluctuation can be seen through the inconsequential action of my wearing sandals to work every once in a while.

 

Base Case: It’s something that I know goes completely against dress code. Ethically, it is wrong of me to break the rules.

 

Additional information: Ethically it is wrong to not pay me for the overtime that I work. Or to make promises and then not deliver on them.

 

Conclusion: If I’m going to get backstabbed I’m going to be comfortable while it happens.

 

Ethically, we’re both wrong. Some people feel that it doesn’t matter if I feel wronged. My choice is still wrong and so ethically I’m still damned to the pits of hell. That might be a bit extreme… but you get the point. Two wrongs don’t make a right, so my thought process is flawed in their eyes.

 

Personally, I feel justified and don’t care. Is that shallow of me? Low? Should I take the higher ground and still wear normal shoes? Maybe. And most of the time I do. I’m ok with the choices I make and how it reflects on my work ethic. I’m still showing up on time for work, regardless of the shoes I wear. I’m not rocking the boat. At least not too much. And I still do more than what’s required from my job.

 

Ethically, I think my choice to break the rules a bit isn’t all that awful.

 

I’ve had people ask me to write them letters of recommendation before, and that has led to dilemmas for me. Some of these people I didn’t feel had good work ethic, or I had never actually worked on a project with them. I couldn’t give them a good review about their work and feel like I was telling the truth at the same time, even though they were great people.

 

My work around?

 

A glowing review about their personality, because I honestly felt like they were super awesome to be around.

 

Ethically, morally, I’m not going to lie. So anything that feels untrue to me is a no-go. Flat out. I don’t compromise on my honesty. No half-truths. No white lies. In my head, lying is wrong, even if the truth is uncomfortable, inconvenient, or, in some cases, painful.

 

Do you support your friend in their choice to be a surrogate mother while supporting your other friend in their choice to have an abortion? Yeah… that’s happened to me. Do you encourage your friend to reach out to their estranged parents while understanding that your other friend is justified in loathing their parents and respect their wishes to remain distant and leave burnt bridges alone?

 

Ethics can be a super touchy, sensitive, vulnerable subject. I try my best to listen to my inner voice. I try my best to actually listen to the people around me and to understand the situation to the fullest. What are their ethics? What are their morals and priorities? And, in the end, I make the choice that I feel I will be ok with.

 

Not everyone is going to agree with my choices. That’s a fact. Point blank, someone is always going to disagree or feel I could have done something better.  If I can’t please everyone then the very least I can do is please myself. That way I know at the very minimum at least one person will come out of it happy.

 

tom

 

Prompt Page 000: Learning to Help

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It’s been a while since I wrote a prompt page. I’m still disenchanted with the prompts offered by WordPress. Sad but true. I miss being able to write though. I miss having something that makes me stop and actually think about an area of my life, or hypothesize about what I would do in a situation.

 

Well I might not be able to do anything about WordPress prompts sucking, but I can go out and find my own prompts, and so that’s what I did.

 

The Learning Network has a page with 500 Prompts for Narrative and Personal Writing, and I intend to go through most of them, at least for now. I believe I’m going to start with the Morality and Religion section because I find it interesting.

 

Today’s Topic: How Do You Help?

 

What have I done in the past to help others?

Lots of things. So many things. Countless things. Things that I remember and things I have forgotten. I’m normally there for emotional support. I listen. I empathize. I’m the free therapy that everyone looks for but never realizes that they have. I’m the “go to” person because if you need help, and I consider you my friend, there’s literally nothing I wouldn’t do.

 

One of the things that sticks out as an example of this is the tirade relationship I had with Warren #2 and Taya. It was the first time I had broken up with Warren. Things weren’t working out. I was miserable, it was affecting my school, it wasn’t getting better and nothing I was doing was helping to fix the issue. He was still unemployed and sitting and home on his computer all day playing World of Warcraft.

 

I kicked him out of my apartment because I was enabling him, and felt he needed to figure out his life. I wasn’t helping him be a better person. If anything, I was feeding into his directionless-ness.

 

I ended up finding one of his shirts mixed into my laundry. I felt like I had to return it because it wasn’t mine. Warren and moved in with two of my friends, so I knew where he was at. I went to the apartment, hoping that he wouldn’t be there, or would still be asleep since it was so early in the morning. I was hoping Ryan would answer the door and it could be a super quick exchange.

 

Instead Warren answered. It led to a really long conversation. He had already found another girl. Two weeks? Maybe one? He had met her at a party. No surprise there. We ended up trying to do a closed polyamerous relationship. It didn’t work, but Taya and I became close for a while.

 

She ended up becoming pregnant.

 

It was a shock for her and we talked about it alone a lot. She didn’t know what to do. She had a lot of health issues that would have made the pregnancy really risky for her and the baby. Warren wasn’t the best father figure. It was an accident and now she was faced with the reality of her actions.

 

After a lot of talking her choice was to have an abortion. For anyone who has read a lot of my earlier stuff you may know that that choice was hard for me to hear. Potentially being infertile myself, my older brother being a “mistake”, on top with the fact that I feel you have to own up to your actions… Personally, for me, it wouldn’t have been an option.

 

But it wasn’t, isn’t, my life. It was Taya’s, and this was what she thought would be the right choice. Not just for her. But for everyone involved, including the potential child she wouldn’t be able to provide properly for.

 

She wasn’t able to afford the abortion. And so now that the choice about “what to do” had been made it became a question of how? Trading one stress for another, one just as daunting and impossible when both people involved are unemployed.

 

I paid for it.

 

I was the one who drove her to the clinic and sat with her while people outside called her a baby killer and slut shamed her and told her what a horrible person she was. I’m the one who went out and got us McDonalds because we had to wait for four hours for her to be seen. I drove her home while she cried in the back seat of my car, apologizing, for what I’m not sure. I can only imagine what was going through her head.

 

I’m the one who brought her home and tucked her into bed, then went to the store to get her a stuffed animal, a wolf like one she had been talking about, and brought it back to her so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone.

 

Warren didn’t do any of that. Taya even paid me back eventually for half of the cost. Warren never did.

 

It wasn’t my mistake. It wasn’t the choice I agreed with. And it certainly wasn’t my obligation to make any of it right. But I cared for Taya, and I wanted to help her, support her, because we all make mistakes and we all have to figure out how we move forward from them.

 

What do I do now to help others?

Same old same old? I haven’t changed. I still do my best to remember whenever anyone does something to help me.

 

Donna getting the fridge approved for the break room. Alex giving me his furniture before he moved. Zane squeezing the lime juice from the limes. RB listening to me complain about my relationship and giving me advice. Terri encouraging me while we’re training. Clavan being understanding about the work situation.

 

I have so many people in my life who are kind to me, who do things for me because they care and are good people. I do what I can, when I can, to try to repay them for their time and effort. Sometimes it’s small. A quick email, a cross stitch. Other times it’s a $200 check tucked away into a Christmas card. It all depends.

 

How does helping others affect me?

Helping others gives me a sense of purpose. I have made someone’s life easier. I have improved their situation, their mental state. I have made life seem less shitty and a little more worth living. It’s a good feeling. It’s amazing because normally, when I get their message about “You completely made my day,” I’m going through my own downhill slide. Something negative has happened to me. A crap day, an argument, self-doubt, whatever.

 

But then I get this message from someone I care about telling me how much they appreciate me and how grateful they are that our paths crossed. When someone says thank you to me it makes me feel like I’m doing something right, even if everything else feels wrong. It makes me feel like a good person when I begin to doubt if I really am one.

 

Helping others helps myself. It makes me realize there’s more to life than money or a paycheck or work or awards and goals and bar charts and performance records. There’s an important element missing from the periodic table. One that we’re never really taught in school.

 

It’s the human element, and we need more of that in our lives I think.

 

What tips do I have for helping others?

Do more. Talk less.

 

Maybe that’s a little blunt, borderline rude, but that’s how I feel.

 

We’re all quick to say things. “Oh, let me know if you need anything,” or, “I’ll be there for you.”

 

But very rarely do people actually pull through, and sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to ask for help. We all talk about how we’ve lost faith in humanity and the world sucks and there’s so much violence and bad stuff going on…

 

Fight that.

 

Be a force of good. Actually go out and do something for someone else. Without being asked. Pay it forward at the drive thru. Give your boss or employee a card saying that you appreciate their work. Randomly give your significant other a hug or a kiss on the forehead and let them know they matter. Do the laundry if that’s normally not your chore. Clean out the car.

 

Kindness and helping doesn’t have to cost money. It doesn’t have to be a huge life-changing task. Something as simple as a kind word, a small loving touch can help people feel more real, more human, more worthwhile.

 

Love the people around you. That’s my advice.

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Daily Post 074: Homework Done

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I’ve been wasting the past 20 minutes on Facebook before realizing that I was… well… wasting time on Facebook. Why does the scroll wheel have to be never ending? That’s what sucks about it. It’s like the Energizer Bunny. It keeps going and going and going and going… until I’m found dead in front of my computer.

 

Luckily today doesn’t seem to be that day since I was able to close out of the tab, if just barely.

 

Today has gone well. I woke up and made breakfast for Zane and me. I packed his lunch as well. We weren’t able to spend much time together before he had to leave which meant I had breakfast in the living room, listening to the sound of the dishwasher running and drinking my coffee in the relative stillness of the apartment.

 

It was nice. Relaxing. I didn’t have my computer with me so I couldn’t worry about emails, or checking posts. All I could do was enjoy the moment. And the moment was nice.

 

Eventually I got up and changed so I could head into work. The ride was pretty decent. Cold, but no wind.

 

When I got to work I set up shop in the break room. Ari was there and we got to spend some time chatting before going about our own things. It’s been nice recently. I feel like we’re getting back to the friendship level where I don’t feel awkward around her. I feel like maybe we’ll be able to hang out without it being a bad thing.

 

I got the back of my playing card done before I had to go to the Shading and Lighting lab. I was super happy about that. It meant I was able to put together the creative brief for my assignment and post my files everywhere they needed to be.

 

If you want to see the completed project you can check out my Behance page.

 

I’m actually thinking about doing the whole deck of cards just for fun. I’ve already gone through and picked out characters for all of the face cards. And really, I think it would be a good goal for this month. It could be my art goal for each day. Spend roughly an hour each day digitally painting.

 

I haven’t settled on that goal yet, but I’m super thinking about it.

 

Lab was pretty uneventful. I made a new playlist for when I biked home. I cross stitched a bit after all of my homework was done. But nothing overly exciting to report or talk about.

 

I biked home. It was cold, overcast, and windy. Not a very fun ride. I played Chime a little when I got home, after eating and drinking a bottle of water that is. Zane got home not long after that. We needed a few things from the store. He had forgotten his wallet on the living room table this morning otherwise he would have picked up the stuff on his way home.  I wanted to go back to school to get my backpack and figured I could stop at the store on my way home, so I showered and headed back out into the world.

 

While I was at school I went to the art room to use the matte board cutter. I’ve been wanting to mail my own holiday box to my mom and brother, but I’ve been dragging my feet about finishing off the cross stitching. I needed to cut the mounting board for them so the stitcings can be framed.

 

Well, I didn’t have enough mounting board to do both of them, so this weekend I’ll run to Jo Anns again to use the last of my gift card. But I did get my brother’s done, so that was a nice feeling. I love being in the art room by myself. The lights were dim. Everything was quiet except for the little sounds I made here and there. The click of the pencil as I set it down. The sound of the blade cutting through the cardboard. My breathing.

 

I don’t know why the art room is different from other places, but it is. It feels sort of sacred in a way. Especially when it’s empty.

 

Once I locked the art room back up and put the key away I went to Publix for the handful of items we “needed” for the fish tacos Zane and I had planned for dinner. Since I don’t really do tacos I got chips instead to do a nacho bowl. I needed garlic for the lime sauce I was making to go with it. I got Andes mints while I was out for my peppermint tea. It’s been so cold at night that I’ve wanted something warm to drink. Something other than coffee because that would be an awful idea.

 

Trevor and Danielle had taken over the kitchen by the time I got back home so I had to wait before I could do anything with dinner. Actually, not only did I have to wait, I also had to clean up their dishes before I could do anything, but the positive thing I’m thinking about is how in a month and a half it won’t matter. They will move out and cooking dinner will not longer be a free for all brawling match with everyone trying to use it at the same time with a billion different dishes. I’m pretty sure the kitchen situation will drastically improve. Just have to hang in there a little bit longer.

 

And really, the situation isn’t bad. I’ve had my fair share of “bad”. This is just annoying because when I’m hungry and come home with groceries I don’t want to sit and wait my turn. I want to go ahead and continue on with my night doing what I want to do because I’m human and selfish like that.

 

But no. Instead I had to sit in the living room and actually talk to Zane. I mean, really? Why would I ever want to do that? Quality time? With him? So much lame. : p

 

It was nice. We got to talk about each others day. I got to talk about my race and how I’m starting to worry about it. It was a good talk, and by the time we were done talking Trevor and Danielle were done with the kitchen.

 

Zane cooked the fish. I cooked the cabbage a bit so it was softer for the tacos and I made the lime sauce. I think it could use more lime juice, but overall it wasn’t bad. The meal felt like it was missing something though. It just wasn’t all that heavy.

 

Zane mentioned pico would be awesome on it. Or some sour cream with tomatoes. I was still hungry so I offered to run back to the store for the additional missing items. Zane said ok, if I wanted to, so away I went.

 

Super quick trip. Returned home. Had a second bowl , which was a lot better.

 

Zane is currently napping. I’m supposed to wake him up in about 20 minutes. I’m getting pretty tired myself, and I have training tomorrow morning at 8am.

 

Clavan wants the grades done tomorrow before lab, which is at 1pm, but I’ve already put in my 8 hours today, and tomorrow is my day off. Normally I would do the grading regardless. This is the first time where I’m thinking about not doing it.

 

I want to state that the grades don’t have to be done. So not doing them isn’t a bad thing, it’s more of a, “I’m not being an over achiever” sort of thing. But I think I’m ok with that. I’m allowed to have my days off and not do work related things on them. That’s the point of it being a day off.

 

We’ll see. I might end up bored and do it anyway.

 

I talked to Zane about the money he owes me. He’s super short on money right now partly because he is trying to pay me back. I suggested that he can pay me $100 a month for a while, which will help him save money for his trip to California in March and let him get shoes and such without having to hold his breathe until his next paycheck.

 

I know I hate it when I’m constantly checking the bank account, worried that a charge is a dollar too high and that I’ll overdraft. What’s the point in working so many hours if at the end of the day I can’t indulge in a Gatorade from the gas station after my workout? It sucks. It makes things feel pointless and hopeless.

 

I don’t want Zane to feel that way. I’m cool with not getting $300 a month in pay back money. I’m not hurting for it. So $100 is fine. It’s something. If he feels like he can pay more, cool. Otherwise it can go to the Nik fund and the Apartment fund. I guess he’s already been looking at microwaves and other things we’ll need to buy. Got to love a responsible man.

 

I had a message from Alex this evening, too. He’s the guy I sent a card to during the holidays with the money order. He’s the one who gave me a lot of his furniture when he moved out to California. He was so grateful for the card and money. He said that I really didn’t have to do that, but that the money came at a time when he really needed it and that he couldn’t thank me enough.

 

I’m glad I was able to help him and that it made his situation easier. That’s what I wanted. To make things a little easier because he helped make things a little easier for me.

 

So yeah. Lots of good feelings. Lots of productivity and creativity. And right now, lots of tired. Totally going to go crash. And by crash I mean pester Zane since I’m supposed to wake him up.

Daily Post 073: Completing the List

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11pm. The end of the day. It was a good day. A long day. A cold day. But I’m happy with it. All of it. Even the cold I guess because feeling like a bank robber on a get-away-bike was pretty fun.

 

I procrastinated on my homework for longer than I should have most likely, but once I actually started working on it I was fine. And I procrastinated by writing, which I think was something I needed to do, so no regrets. I’m super pleased with the way my concept turned out. Especially for only 3 hours worth of work.

 

I already have an idea for what I’m going to be doing for the back of the card. So now it’s just execution and since the first half has gone so well I don’t have the anxiety and fear over starting it.

 

I didn’t have any emails for work. At least none of the ones I was expecting. I don’t know when Clavan wants to do my yearly review. Hopefully soon so it can be done with. I don’t really have any goals for work this year aside from continuing with my degree, but I think that’s a pretty solid goal. I think that’s a lot more than anyone else in my department is doing.

 

I don’t feel like that makes me better or that I should be treated differently. But I do think that I’ve already dedicated myself to a pretty intense project and that I shouldn’t have to do four other things along with my degree. I’m doing one major thing rather than four small things. I think that should count for something.

 

Lab was uneventful. Not many questions so I was able to work mostly uninterrupted. Ari was on campus. We ended up walking around the building when her lab went on break. It was really awesome actually. Super chill conversation and a nice mini workout.

 

It’s sort of funny how I don’t count my bike ride to and from work as a workout anymore. It’s like it doesn’t even happen. It doesn’t count. So I’m back to feeling like a slacker since I haven’t gone to the gym these past two days.

 

I did message Terri. We’re on for training 8am Thursday, which is actually my day off since I have to work Saturday. Fun times…

 

I had a message from a former student. David. He graduated a while ago and actually got hired at a local studio, so he’s been in the area, and we’ve hung out a few times in the past. He had sent me a few texts over the holiday break wishing me well and trying to see if we could meet up at some point.

 

We couldn’t get our schedules to line up, so we said we would try for something in the New Year.

 

I had a message from him his morning asking what I was up to Friday evening.

 

“Potentially hanging out with you? : D” was my reply.

 

So at the moment we have tentative plans to get food around 7ish on Friday. He needs to double check his training schedule. I guess he’s been doing Olympic weightlifting technique classes…

 

So here I am feeling all proud and stuff about my Warrior Dash and wimpy little 5k race when he’s over there being Mr. He Man… I really need to up my game. >.<;

 

He might actually be going with me to the Warrior Dash. That was the last part of our messages so far. He asked if he could watch, which sort of confused me so I asked if he meant like watching it on TV or being there.

 

“Any of the above?” was his reply.

 

I have to admit, it would be super cool, like, amazing beyond words, to have someone waiting for me at the finish line. I’ve been thinking this whole time that I would be alone. That I would achieve this thing and only I would know. Only I would be there to share in it. Which in a way is good. It is a solo triumph for me.

 

There’s mixed emotions with it, and really, I don’t know if he was serious or not. Most likely won’t know until tomorrow. So until then I’m going to force my brain to leave that alone, which means I need to find a stock pile of q-tips.

 

I biked home after work and it was a fantastic ride. Slightly on the cold side, but there was no wind which meant I was able to make decent speed, and I finally got the bike back up to the highest gear. With my extended hiatus from biking during the holidays I’ve been using some of the lower gears. Not on the ride home though. That was the top gear the whole way. /flex

 

When I got home I ate, took out the trash, cleaned the litter box, made new protein bars since I had eaten the last one I had at work, unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up the sink.

 

Zane called me on his way home from work so we chatted for a bit. I ended up showering before he got home. A nice, long, warm shower. We cuddled on the couch for a little bit. No TV or other distractions. After some time had passed Zane had me listen to a few songs on his Spotify. From there we had dinner and watched a few episodes of Arrow. I guess there is a cross over episode of Arrow and The Flash and Zane wants me to be caught up on both of the shows for it.

 

At the moment I’m back at school since I needed to bring my protein bars in. I had also left my backpack here, another factor into having an awesome ride this evening.

 

I’ve emailed the St. Jude people to see what’s up with not being able to accept donations from outside the US. Hopefully I hear back about that soon.

 

Didn’t do a whole lot else I don’t think. I was able to throw some more stuff away at the apartment, so the kitchen table is one step closer to being usable. I put RainX on my glasses so I can see through the sweat and tears… and I guess rain, but mostly it’s the tears that mess me up. XD

 

I cleaned out the car, too, though it wasn’t that bad. Just some receipts and a few empty soda cans from Zane. Still felt good to clean though, because cleaning.

 

I got to cross-stitch for a while already. Most likely will finish off the thread I have going and then call it a night once I get back home. That will give me a chance to finish off my bottle of water too.

 

I seriously did write down “Relax” on my to-do list today. And I’m proud of myself for actually doing it.

 

With that I guess I’ll call it quits and head back home.

Dragon’s Horde 0050: The Jack of Hearts

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This is the first half of my homework for my History of Visual Communications class. We had to create a playing card which was decided by our birth date. I happened to get the Jack of Hearts.

 

Completed in roughly 3 hours using Photoshop and a Wacom tablet. It was a lot of fun and I loved working on it. Now to create the back of the playing card before the assignment is due. : )

 

Daily Post 071: Wherefore Shame?

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Yesterday feels like forever ago and I’m really not sure why. I mean, it was a productive day, but it wasn’t that productive… I don’t get it. But anyway, yesterday started off pretty good.

 

Zane was a ninja and woke up to get our order of bagels from Einstein Brothers. While we were there Sunday we saw a sign that said “13 bagels $6 on Mondays”. It comes with two containers of smear, which I guess is their fancy term for cream cheese spread.

 

Zane and I talked about it while eating breakfast. I’m not super big into bagels, but I said I could use half of one for my egg sandwiches instead of slices of bread. So in a week I would really only need three bagels.

 

Later in the day Zane called the store and placed our order so in the morning all we would have to do is pick it up. No muss no fuss. He got up at some point, I’m guess around 5am, went out and picked up the bagels and came back. Normally I’m a super light sleeper and would have woken up, but I didn’t for some reason.

 

I got up at six and went out to the living room to find Zane asleep. I gently woke him up to ask if we were getting breakfast, to which he replied that the deed was already done.

 

So much win.

 

We went back to sleep for a bit since it was so early in the morning. That led to hitting snooze way more than we should have, and a mildly rushed breakfast for Zane. We did get to spend some time together in the kitchen though, so the morning wasn’t bad.

 

I finally took the time to get caught up on my emails. It took longer than I was hoping, but was extremely worth it. There are still a few tasks I need to do in relation to some of those emails, but a lot of them were up lifting and were what I needed to read / see. Reminders that even in the middle of winter there’s warmth.

 

In no real order I unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded it, put the clothes away, packed up a bunch of stuff to take with me to school, went through my Christmas box from mom so I could keep the box. It’s sitting in my closet, empty, because there’s no way I’m getting rid of it at the moment.

 

I made a “paper” box for Zane. He has a bunch of crap stuff that he needs to go through and figure out if it’s garbage or not. So all of that got tossed into a box so it’s at least contained and off of my desk. I went through my own “in” pile and organized the desk so the room feels better in that regard.

 

I ate, showered, then dressed so I could head to work. I clocked in and talked to my brother on Facebook for a little bit. He may, possibly move in with us in June. That’s still up in the air though because he really doesn’t know what he’s doing, which is one of the frustrating things about him. I can’t make plans on ifs and maybes, but he wants to have things lined up and solid on vague information.

 

That’s not going to happen, dude. Sorry not sorry. Get your facts together and then we can have a real conversation.

 

Zane and I talked about the possibility last night. If Hannah moves out, and if John and his friend still need a place to stay, and if we agree that we won’t kill each other, and if this, and if that… arg. It’s so far away that I really don’t care about it right now.

 

Can I focus on transitioning to the new lease first? Like, let me not worry about something six months away for two months? Is that cool? I’m good at stressing over the stuff in my immediate present just fine. I really don’t need to add stuff that I can do literally nothing about because it’s not even my own nebulous idea.

 

I walked over to the Shading and Lighting lab after ending the conversation with my brother. Frank wasn’t there yet so I got the key and unlocked the room. Yay for doing something useful. : D

 

Lab was uneventful. I answered all of the questions I got without incident. That was nice. I got caught up on my work email. I sent out an email about the work schedule and how per Clavan’s instructions I would not be working six days a week. I haven’t check my email this morning, so I don’t know if there’s a reply to it. I’m sure there is.

 

I cleaned my downloads folder on my computer. It was a mess. I posted for my second discussion assignment for my class. A full week early, but it’s done and I don’t have to worry about remembering it. Something new I’m trying is using a separate calendar on my Google Calendar. One specifically for school actives. That way when I check my schedule for work I can see how school assignments line up with it. My first project is due tomorrow. >.<;

 

I completed the reading for this week and revised my school battle plan. I restructured my WIP folder on my desktop and cleaned my Dropbox folders a little. I also responded to Donna’s email about needing the information to verify my Vimeo and Creative Crash accounts. I cross stitched for a bit towards the end of lab. Overall I was happy with what I was able to get done.

 

I talked to my mom for about an hour after work. It was a nice conversation and one I’m glad I had. Before I left work I printed out my new class schedule for my Digital Graphics degree. A lot of the classes I have already taken overlap with the new degree, so I went through and highlighted all of the classes I have already taken. If I keep going with one class a month I have 17 more months left.

 

I printed out a new planner from Chalene Johnson as well. It works with her 30 day challenge thing. I’m mildly working on using it. I didn’t do much with it while I was at work. I wanted to get home before it got dark out. So I packed up and headed home.

 

When I got home I set up the laptop and transferred my backup files to my external hard drive. I had created the backup folders over the holiday break, making copies of my Google Drive, Dropbox, and Laptop. I never transferred them though, so the folders were just sitting taking up hard disk space. No longer though. All of my computer tasks are taken care of. Woohoo. Even the trash can got emptied.

 

I made two new recipes on my AllRecipes.com account. One for the cilantro lime sauce I use for my Southwest salads and shrimp rice bowls, and another for the leek and potato soup Zane and I like so much.

 

I changed the water filter, too.

 

I tried to spend some time figuring out my goals and such for the Push Planner from Chalene which is where things got a little dicey last night. This is also where this post becomes a little adult rated for sexual content.

 

At the moment I’m sexually unsatisfied. Zane and I have talked about it, but it’s not like it’s something you can compromise on. He doesn’t want it as much, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t want him to feel like sex is an obligation, because it’s not. I want him to want it, and if he doesn’t then he doesn’t.

 

On the flip side, I can’t make myself not want it, and the once a week, if that, isn’t enough for me. It’s one of the reasons I get so down, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Should I feel slutty and beat myself up over not being able to overcome my baser instincts or should I accept that some people are wired differently and that having a higher sex drive doesn’t make me a bad person?

 

Embrace the slut shaming culture of our society, or keep moving down the path of self acceptance and understanding… I mean really, when it’s written out like that it’s a little biased, but no less true, and even in those words I feel like I “should” go with the first answer.

 

It’s wrong for girls to want sex. It’s wrong for them to seek it out. It means they’re low in moral standing, impure. They’re not the ones you take home to meet mom. They’re the ones that are ok for right now, but not good in the long run. That’s the impression I feel society gives. It’s wrong to embrace sexually.

 

But I do want to embrace it. It’s one of the reasons Freya calls so strongly to me. Sex isn’t bad. Being sexual isn’t bad.

 

But what happens when it causes strife in an otherwise perfectly healthy relationship? How do you compromise on “I don’t want it,” and “I need more”?

 

I am fitter than I have been in years, and I’m continuing to improve myself, but the lack of sex makes me feel unattractive, and I know that’s a bit shallow of me. I’m not working out and making myself better for sexual reasons. I’m doing it because I want to be healthier. Because I want to be the warrior I know I am.

 

But if a side affect of losing weight is becoming more attractive it would be nice of things happened that made me feel more attractive, wanted. The comments, “You look good,” feel sort of hollow when “looking good” doesn’t change anything.

 

And I’m writing about all of this because it ties into the Push Planner thing.

 

You go through and you rate the areas of your life, like I have multiple times on this blog as I go through and do the challenge from time to time. Well, Significant Other is listed as Romance on the sheet. Sort of puts a different spine on that area in my head. And as I went through and rated all the areas I scored that, Romance, and my Spiritually super crazy low. I don’t feel romanced, and I feel like I’ve given up a lot of my connection with Freya in the process.

 

Ok. Cool. I’ve gone through and identified the areas of my life I want to focus on and bring balance to. Romance and spiritually.

 

Next step… make goals in line with your key priorities.

 

Fuck me. For real? How do I make goals for myself that require another person? That’s not how goals work. I really didn’t know what to do. How to I tell Zane, “Hey, I’m totally unhappy with this area of our relationship and I sort of need it to change, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to change because then that would make it an obligation and you already sort of feel that way, so stay the same because you’re fine the way you are… only your not and I need to you change…”

 

I felt stuck. Trapped. I felt like no matter what I did that it wouldn’t be right and that I was doomed.

 

Zane had been in the living room while I was doing all of this. I prefer to beat myself up mentally while alone anyway. It makes it easier to do.

 

When he came into the room he could tell I wasn’t ok.

 

We talked about it for a bit. Danced around it at first really because I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to mess up our night. I didn’t want things to be bad. I wanted to be normal and be satisfied and to not have strife over something so silly, so trivial, only it’s not trivial for me. It’s important and I don’t know how to change that, and what’s worse is I don’t know if I do want to change it. I don’t think it’s wrong. But it’s causing us pain, so how is it good?

 

Nothing was really figured out. He left the room for a bit and I began looking into tantric sex, something that I have been mildly curious about for a while. Lots of interesting reading. And it gave my brain something to focus on. Left-brained tasking. Process information. Oh, you mean avoiding emotions. I can totally do that right now.

 

Zane came back not longer after that. Enough time had passed to allow my “the world is ending” emotions to subside a bit, leaving me tired and worn out feeling. He said for me to come into the kitchen with him. That we were going to cook dinner together.

 

He showed me how to make a rue for the Shepard’s Pie. I got to empty the containers of veggies into the skillet. We got to be playful and warm and close. It helped me. It’s another aspect of the Romance section that I feel is missing. Flirting. Playfulness. We have it sometimes, but not often, and when it is there everything seems ok. Or at least a lot better. It makes me content. There’s affection and love in our own weird unique, companionship sort of way.

 

Or maybe it’s that when we’re playful like that his love is being shown in a language I understand. That’s getting into the whole love language stuff though, and another layer of complexity to go on top of personality types.

 

Why does human interaction have to be so complicated? >.<;

 

So the Shepard’s Pie got made. It turned out fantastic. I ran back to school to drop off my backpack along with a change of warm clothes and my Wacom tablet so I could work on my homework at school the next day.

 

Zane was asleep when I got home so I stayed out in the living so I wouldn’t wake him. I got up around 6am and curled into bed with him. The morning as been pretty good so far. I made both of our bagels and partially packed his lunch box. We got to eat together this morning. I enjoyed my coffee before biking to work.

 

I got to feel like a ninja during my ride. I used one of my bandanas to cover my mouth so my lips wouldn’t get super chapped in the cold. Another way to look at it is a super awesome bank robber on my get away bike, because I’m a bawler like that.

 

Got all the way to work. Clocked in and got the key for lab feeling like a bawce and taking care of business. I text David to let him know I had the key and got a reply shortly after saying that there wasn’t a 9am lab. That there were only 23 students this month so the first lab was removed from the schedule…

 

That makes the rest of my month really awesome, but yeah… it would have been nice to know this morning. I don’t regret it though. I like that I’m awake. That I’m at school, and that I’ve written.

 

I think today is going to be an ok day. Maybe even a good day if I can get this headache to go away.

Musing Moment 0082: A Monday Thank You

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I know it’s early and that I just wrote last night, but I feel the need to write now. I am so moved. So filled with… something, maybe somethings, that I have the urge to let my fingers have their way with the keyboard. And that sounds way more naughty than it really is…

 

I have gone through all of my personal emails. I have read amazing blogs. Ones that I identified with and left mini-novels of a reply on. I have read posts about myself and how something I did affected another person. I have read emails from friends wishing me a Happy New year and giving me a glimpse into their lives. I have read emails notifying me of support for my race and donations made to help me reach my goal.

 

I have had an amazing morning with Zane where we had breakfast together before he left for work, the sun shinning brightly even though the temperature outside is cold. Actual, real sunlight for the first time in what seems like a week.

 

I’ve had audio messages on Facebook from my younger brother, and hearing his voice has made me smile and remember just how much I love him even though I want to punch him in the face sometimes.

 

I still have a ton of stuff to do. I still haven’t made my to do list yet, and even though I’ve been awake since 6:30 this morning, I still haven’t finished my coffee which is sitting, literally, in front of me, cold by now I’m sure.

 

But today has already been an amazing day. Today has reminded me that just because it’s winter and cold, and just because I still am fighting off a sinus headache with pills and sear stubbornness, that there are still good, awesome, amazing things in my life.

 

Thank you everyone for your love, support, and kindness. Thank you for putting up with me when I complain. Thank you for making my life fantastic. For the comments on my posts. For the friendship you have given me so freely.

 

And just because I thought I would die when I saw this…

 

Have a fantastic Monday. : D

 

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