This most likely isn’t the right time to write. But I’m going to do it anyway.

I was supposed to have today off. I was supposed to have four wonderful days to myself. No work. No going to school because I had to be on the clock. No real obligations.

Guess where I’m at right now…

Sitting at work. On the clock. Not playing Witcher 3.

The relaxing day of killing monsters was crashed when I got a phone call from my boss asking what my ETA was for being at school.

Um… You said that you were covering today for me at the beginning of the month so I didn’t get over time this week…

I guess not though. My bad for taking your word for it. My bad for assuming that I could have the days I was told I could. My bad for having plans, and for wanting a life away from my job. My bad for thinking I could have that, because now I feel like crap because once again I can’t do the things I want to do.

Part of me feels like I should grow up and get over it. I’ll get over time this week. Yay extra money.  So in a way it’s a good thing. Suck it up. Be a big girl and do what needs to get done.

The other half of me is a raging ball of rage. How is this fair? I went by your word. What good is your word if I can’t believe it? Why should I believe anything then?

I’m angry. I feel used. And it’s one more nail in the coffin of why I want to leave.

Work: “Fuck you guys. We’re going to deny your request for a full sized fridge because we don’t care if you have food while you work your BS hours. Starve. Oh… and while you’re starving. Fuck your days off.”

Me: No. Fuck you. And the horse you rode in on. And the horse the sired it. And whatever else I can curse that will be insulting to you because I feel like there’s no loyalty to me.

It’s like a carrot dangling in front of me.

Work: “Oh, look. Here’s the alone time you wanted. Haha. Just kidding.”

Arg.

I should wait until I calm down to write about this logically, detached and sans emotions. But I don’t want to. I want to be angry right now. I wish, so wish, someone would say something about me not working hard enough so I could just blow up in righteous fury, which would hopefully be enough to cause a legitimate change.

Me: I don’t do enough? What about the project I have going on for the break room? Or the 3D Blitz event I run? Or the PCC critiques that I host? Or all of the stuff I update? Or the podcasts I make for other classes? Or the tutoring I do? Or the emails and Facebook messages I reply to? What about all of this extra stuff I do because I actually care? None of that matters? None of that is enough to actually have the time off I’m told I can have?

I know it’s all wishful thinking though. Nothing will change until I leave. Even then the only thing that will change is my environment. I don’t think the school will change.

Today has sealed it for me though. I’m going to leave. After this degree I’m going to see how much time it would take to get a Web Design degree. If it’s not too bad, then I’ll stick around for that just because it would be free, but then I’m going.

I’m done. INFJ door slam done. Napalm to bridge level of done.

I’ve given up the dojo. I’ve given up the gym. For two months I’ve gone without those outlets. I’ve worked through 3 months of being sick. And now I can’t even have the days I’m told I can have.

Done.

So done.

I have homework that I need to do for now. And since we’re on break I suppose I should go eat before I don’t have time to do that.

But yeah. For now the only thing I have on my mind is bitching about injustice and unfairness, which I’ve already done for about two pages. It’s not making me feel better, so I’m going to go be productive so at least when I get to the end of my day I can enjoy Game of Thrones and shrimp scampi without feeling like an unproductive slacker on top of it all.

On the bright side. I do have a solution to this whole situation.

So I stopped giving a fuck.