Another day where I really don’t know how I feel.

I woke up at 9am so I could be showered and ready for breakfast with Joshua. It was a really pleasant event, actually. We talked about Witcher 3, and other games, and the classes we like playing. We talked about his current work, an art test he is taking, and what he will be doing in California. We talked about my roommate situation, and his. We talked about his ex for a little bit.

It was over all a pleasant experience, which is sort of lame because this apathy / depression is damping the good I would normally be taking away from it.

After breakfast I came to school. Yep. That’s right. The first day off I’ve had in eleven days and not only do I set an alarm, I come into work…

It’s been really nice though. No one is in the break room so I’ve been working on school work and cross stitching. I’ve been here for about five hours now and sort of feel the urge to change locations.

I really don’t want to work more, but I want to get all of the art done for my assignment so I can focus on creating the video tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also the Pathfinder game. I still don’t feel up to it. I still have 24 hours to de-whelm, so we’ll see what happens.

DM is at work. His friend may be coming into town tonight. If not tonight than tomorrow. If she’s here tonight he won’t need a ride home.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to meet her. I feel like I’m intruding. I feel like I shouldn’t be there at all. I feel like I’m being insecure, but I don’t know what to do to change that.

I feel like I’m wasting a lot of energy on worrying.

I think a lot of it has to do with Mother Earth actually. I am still tangled over that, and seeing DM happy with another person will hurt because I don’t have that anymore. It will be a reminder that I lost something. I know he won’t mean for it to be that way, but that’s how my brain sees it.

There’s nothing to do about it other than let time pass. Meditate, which I did a little bit ago. But that’s not going to solve anything right this second.

Blarg.