I’m about half way through Brisingr, which means I have 17 hours level left in the book. x.x

At least it’s a good book.

So I sort of got a jump start with Omnifocus today instead of waiting until tomorrow. Honestly, it was a pretty low key day overall. I woke up around 10 after an extremely deep and restful sleep. I think I was more tired than I realized.

I didn’t go to the gym today. And I don’t feel bad about it. Instead I did most of my weekend chores. No vacuuming, but I planned my meals, did grocery shopping, and completed my assignment (on time for once. I hate how this month most of them have been late). And I even got to stitch for a few hours while listening to my book.

Other things of note were:

Installed AVG on my desktop computer (138 threats found)
Researched ways to whiten my gi without using bleach
Researched now to properly fold my gi
Completed the last update to Rigbox Reborn – Curves Tool

I couldn’t get the desktop to connect to the Internet, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because our Internet is lame. I’ll check tomorrow to see if the scan fixed the spyware issues I was having with the browser. It would be awesome to have it back to its original state.

I talked with Grace. She got a job in the area so she’ll be staying in Orlando rather than in Miami with her family. We have plans for lunch on Sunday.

I did talk to Ashley about moving into the room. I’m going to wait until spring break to do it so I won’t be as rushed. That will give me a week to pack, paint, unpack, and get comfy. I like that idea so much more than trying to get everything done in a weekend along with homework.

So 3 weeks-ish and I’ll be in a new place.

I’m sort of nervous about it now. As far as I can tell, this will sort of be ‘permanent’. It’s going to be the first time in five years where I don’t have a time frame on when I have to leave. It’s not a lease that’s going to end. I don’t have to have a plan for where I’m going to go next. As far as I can tell the next ‘next’ will be when I’m moving to be with Mother Earth and J. Or possibly for a job opportunity I want to explore.

Part of me is unsettled by thinking of this new place as ‘home’.

I may say ‘home’ in my posts, as in, “I went home.” But if I’m honest I don’t think of this apartment as home. I think of it as a place I go to sleep. I think of it as where my food is at. Where Scarlet is.

It’s not really home, though. It never was. I knew I would only be here for roughly six months. Until the lease ended. There wasn’t a reason to get invested in it. And then Susan moved in and even though things are better, I won’t be sad to leave. I won’t feel bad about not being around a couple who are constantly doing coupley things.

Part of me wonders if that makes me heartless. Part of me wonders if I’ll ever be able to live alone again like I did when I first moved to Florida.

Part of me wonders if the whole concept of ‘home’ bothers me so much because I don’t want anything in Florida to be home. Pretty much my only tie to the area is the dojo. I can remember the posts to my Worpress, the conversations with Mother Earth, where I cried and said how alone I felt, how isolated, because none of my loved ones are near me here.

Why would I want such a lonely place to be home?

On the flip side… I’m supposed to be here for another four or five years. Isn’t that a long enough time to feel attached and rooted to the area your in?

Why do I have to have a confusing yarn ball of emotions inside of me over a four letter word?

Why can’t it be just a word for me? Why do I have to blow it out of proportion and attached super deep meaning to something that I causally type all the time.

“I went home.” But in my heart that’s not what I mean. This isn’t home. And I don’t think the new place will be home either. It’s just easier to type that than, “I went to the place where I sleep.”

And on that mildly depressing note I am going to go sleep. My bed is lonely and needs to cuddle.