Hello, keyboard.

It’s been a while.  

I’m no longer an auto glass technician. I was doing really well at it. Calibrating forward-facing cameras was fun. I enjoyed the people I  worked with. I liked climbing up and down giant semi-trucks… It was physical and active and outside.

I have a chronic health condition, though, and not having health insurance was hard. Having a pay cut with increased rent and gas and all of the crazy inflation that’s been going on… liking my job wasn’t enough.

It was around October that I started scrolling through InDeed again. 

There was a post for a Drafting Apprentice Eexploritory Program. I didn’t know a whole lot about drafting, but I figured if this company was willing to open its doors and show me what they were about, I was willing to give it a shot. 

There was an orientation where they talked about the company and what the program would entail. I showed up for a few Saturday classes. I had a job shadow and an interview. I had a long two weeks after that waiting to hear back. 

And then I did. I was hired. I would start my new job as an apprentice drafter on January 3rd. If I could hold out until then… If I could get through the first month… things would get better. Financially, I wouldn’t be drowning because I would be making decent money again. I could go see my endocrinologist because I would have health insurance. If I could just make it… things might get better. 

So I gave my notice. The lease at the rental ended and I moved back in with Ox and his family. I survived my birthday and Christmas. Another year without Mom. 

I started my new job with the new year. 

I like it. It’s been three months so far. I’ve moved from training projects to actual production projects. There are parts of it that are challenging; sometimes overwhelming, but overall I really do enjoy it. 

There’s a lot of math but it’s not overly complex math. There’s a lot of figuring out how pieces go together. A lot of problem-solving through program limitations. It’s mentally engaging. I get to have headphones on and listen to music all day. And even though each building is different the overall workflow is consistent enough to be comforting. Familiar. A pattern. A routine. 

I’ve made my own custom checklist since there wasn’t an “official” to-do list. No paper I could print where I could scratch off or highlight my way through a project. Nothing solid and tangible to hold onto and keep me grounded when I started feeling overwhelmed with all of the hundreds of steps that go into fabricating a metal building. Nothing to look at and see how much I had already done or where I was in relation to the end goal. 

So I fixed that. 

I’m sure my checklist will continue to evolve and change as I encounter new and more complex projects. That too is fun and comforting. Updating documentation to improve workflow. I love it.

I’m starting to feel comfortable around my coworkers and with the company. I’m starting to breathe easier. The never-ending tension in my back and shoulders has been easing. I’m not as worried I’m going to turn around and be laid off or fired. I can’t say that fear has gone away completely, but it is less than it was on my first day.

Financially I’m making progress on my medical debt and the credit card. At the same time even. An increased paycheck with significantly lowered living expenses has a lot to do with that.

My overall goal at work is to reach Drafting I by August. That’s when the next position review is. If I don’t make it in August then December. Realistically, both of those goals are ambitious. I’ve been told an apprenticeship can last up to two years because the learning curve is so steep. We’ll see what happens, but unofficially official… I’ll get there by December at the latest. 

I got labs drawn in February. That’s when my health insurance kicked in. My T4 levels were a little high. With all of the changes going on in my life at the time my doctor and I decided to wait a little bit and redraw labs in three months before changing my Synthroid dosage. It could be that once things settled down and I adjusted to my new normals my dosage wouldn’t need to be adjusted. So that lab draw will happen sometime in May. 

I’ve started going back to the gym. It works best if I wake up early in the morning to go. Fewer people. Less traffic. I get to work earlier which means I can leave earlier. I’m allowed to take 30-minute lunches instead of a full hour which means I can also leave 30 minutes earlier as long as I’m on track to finish my projects on time. That means I get to leave around 3 or 3:30 in the afternoon. That gives me time to spend with Ox or game or cross stitch or whatever it is that I want to do. It’s not a wake-up, work, come home, do chores, go to sleep, rinse, repeat type routine. I can actually DO stuff and I even have the energy to do it. 

It’s taken a while to get to this point. Nearly three and a half months of small, slow steps to mentally and emotionally recovering from… everything… life… the past nearly five years. 

But here I am. Writing. Going to the gym. Enjoying work. Even, maybe, sort of, starting to enjoy life again. It’s not a hopeless, bleak, never-ending struggle toward a void of nothingness. 

Winter is over. It’s warm and sunny. The grass is turning green. 

It’s a good feeling and yet it still hurts. It’s been seven years since Mom died. So much has happened. 

If I could have a phone call with her… if I could tell her how I’m enjoying my job and how things are starting to finally work out… I know she would be proud of me. I can almost hear the way there would be a smile in her voice. Genuine happiness. I want to hear that so badly. I want her to give me a mom hug. The one where she would squeeze just a touch tighter at the end; like a hug within a hug. 

I can’t have that, though. I can’t have a phone call. I can’t have a celebratory lunch with her. All I can do is keep living, even when it hurts. So I do, and so here I am. Writing again. Listening to music again. Even singing along to it in my car sometimes. 

I can’t promise for writing to be a daily habit like it was so long ago. But I’m going to try a little harder than I have been, keyboard. Thanks for being here and listening to my quasi-good ramble. I’ll type to you later.