Daily Summary:
I didn’t get to sleep until after 4am this morning. I called Ox and talked to him as he drove to work; that’s something I haven’t done in weeks with our schedules being opposite now. It was nice; reassuring. I needed to hear his voice after spending hours inside my own head. 

I sent an email ending my unstable dynamic. I mentioned that as my #1 concern right now. I’m not proud to say I did it over email. There’s a lot that I’m feeling in regard to this situation and I still feel this isn’t the safest place to talk about it. That’s ok though. I was able to talk to Ox and my brother. I was able to work through at least some of the emotions enough to have fitful sleep from 5am to roughly 8am. 

John and I talked extensively about his house buying adventure. Currently, if everything goes as planned they will close on the house 03/15. I still need to fill out the application to take over the lease for the house they’re renting. I won’t be able to do that until next Friday. Can’t afford the application fee until then. 

That lead to a long conversation about the mother-in-law. I was also able to share what was going on in my life. 

I rested for a while after my call with him. I was still in bed when Ox surprised me. He came over with Seafood Soup from the Chinese place we really like. It made it feel more ok to get out of bed and face the world. 

As far as sickness goes. I feel fine. I’ll have a productive cough once in a while, but that’s it. The soup helped my sinuses. Nice, warm, and full of memories from previous times we’ve had soup together. 

Ox left shortly before I started work. I had another graded call. Scored a 100. I found out next week we will have individual sessions to review our scorecards. That’s cool. Mine is above average so I feel ok about it. This card is also still within our “probationary” period, so it doesn’t actually count. Nothing else really exciting in the realm of work.

I finished both cross-stitch projects I was working on. So that’s cool. Reached my goal.

I got text messages from a former coworker. We chatted back and forth for a bit. Most likely won’t be able to see each other for a while. We’re trying to figure out something that works for both of us. Life doesn’t make that easy. 

And here I am, at the end of the night, surviving my anxiety.
 

Random Ramblings:
I don’t really want to ramble tonight. I have stuff on my mind. I’m sure there are things I could work through or analyze. I’m not though. I need to be my friend for a while, and right now that means being a blanket burrito without inner judgment.