I woke up on the tired side today. With how productive and full of interaction yesterday was, I’m not really giving myself shit for taking it slow so far.

Yesterday was school, grocery shopping, the gym, and in between all of those things multiple conversations about my brother moving here to Nebraska. A lot of mental work went into figuring out solutions, ironing out priorities, and game planning for the future. Add to that two rounds of sexy time. Not just one, but two after pushing pretty hard at the gym… No wonder I woke up the way I did.

Ox and I talked about our recent bout of sex. I’m totally not complaining. It is different than what I have grown accustomed to over the two years we’ve been in a relationship though. It leaves a part of my self feeling vulnerable. Here is this thing I’ve been desperately wanting, being willing given out of nowhere.

My Brain: This is amazing and exactly what I want. I don’t trust it. >.>

Of course, Brain. Ruin a good thing why don’t you. >.<

My vulnerability led to open discussion and a clearer understanding of our relationship and where we’re at. Which, we’re in a good place if you were wondering.

After waking up this morning, I slowly slugged through the tasks I had. Feed the kittens. Eat breakfast before taking meds. Clean the litter box. Take out the trash. Get the chicken marinating. Run over to the house with laundry and get that started. Log my workout from yesterday.

Not a whole lot of exciting stuff but all things I was able to put a green mark through on my sheet of paper for the day. Go me.

I went into town for counseling. We spent most of our hour together talking about all of the developments with Jon and how yesterday went. We talked about the bill for my surgery and how it won’t be until after my session next week that I find out more about my cancer status. We talked about how D&D went and how the gym is going. Lots of stuff.

There’s been a lot of good, stable things recently. I feel like the past few weeks have been a tentative calm after all of the chaos pre and post-surgery. I believe there will still be some bumps in the future in regards to the iodine treatment. There’s a tension within me. This feeling that things aren’t over and that the calm and peace I feel now won’t last for much longer.

I do think I’m doing better. I do think I’m focusing more on my self and making sure I’m on stable ground for this next phase, and I think that’s what a lot of these past weeks have been. Finding my footing so I can keep going forward to the next hard thing. So while I don’t have a whole lot to talk about in regards to problem-solving my life in counseling, I don’t think I’m at a point where I want to stop going or reduce the number of times we meet in a month. I think I still need to utilize this resource for the time being.

After counseling, I called Ox. We agreed I would go to the apartment and keep plucking away at things, so I did. At the moment, nearly all of my meal prep is done. Just waiting for the chicken taco soup to finish up in the Ninja so I can shred the chicken and divide everything up into containers. I want to finally sweep the bedroom and maybe mop it. I’ve already put dye in my hair so at some point I need to rinse it out.

All of the stuff is packed for D&D tonight, so there’s not much to do in that regard. Just make sure I take the bag out the door with me, which is the true test. XD

Aside from some other minor things, putting the dishes away, switching the wash, typing up the remaining notes, there’s not a whole lot left to today. I’m ok with that. It’s been a quiet day so far. A slow quiet day after a lot of busy excitement.

I’ll keep you posted on how D&D goes. : 3