I’m sitting in the living room at the moment. Cross legged in one of the chairs facing the wall where sunlight is coming in through the window. The TV is off. I slept on the couch for part of the night so my blanket is crumpled and pushed to one end from when I got up this morning. The pillow I used, Zane’s big, fluffy, red pillow, is on the other end. Scarlet is curled up on the chair across from me, napping so she can meet her 16 hours of sleep a day quota.

I would say that it is a relaxing atmosphere, and in a way it is. Except that my neighbors are sitting on the porch outside of our apartment talking on speaker phone. They speak Spanish, which I have nothing against, but it’s just random noise in my ears, which makes it mildly frustrating. I don’t think English would be better since then I would be focusing on the words, not because I want to eavesdrop. Just because that’s how my brain works. If there is sound it must be processed.

The apartment complex is also in the middle of repaving the parking lot, and today is the day for our section in the complex. So there’s the added noise of beeping trucks and talking voices.

For a while I was just dealing with the sound, but then I got up and got headphones and all is now right in the world. Blissful melody floating through my ears rather than the clanking and clanging of life.

Things were really bad recently. I think it was Monday. Because I haven’t been writing the time frame is blurred for me. Things run together, one event into the other and all I can remember are the emotions of the situations, not when specifically they happened.

I suppose if I put in more effort I could remember, but I’m not going to because wibbly wobbly timey wimey. I hope that makes at least one person smile. I’m pretty sure you know who you are, too.

Anyway. Things have been hard, and sucky, and lame.

Monday night it got to the point where I made a post on Reddit in their INFJ subreddit. I have posted there once before, when I was dating Warren #2 and the advice and support I received was amazing.

Remembering that experience I decided to reach out again. I came home, went to sleep eventually, and woke up Tuesday morning back at square zero. I had survived the awfulness of Monday.

I started poking around online, trying to find the motivation to read the blogs I follow, to write something, anything, in an effort to keep tredding water, since that’s what it feels like I’m doing. Not drowning is my best at the moment.

About a page into my writing yesterday, which I gave up on and never posted, I remembered about the post on reddit and brought the page up. I had so many deep comments giving me outside perspective, different perspectives. It has really helped snap me out of my downward spiral.

One of the links I found through the subreddit was an article about an INFJ’s shadow traits, and how we tend to react to stress and depression. It was a fantastic read and I’m glad I found the link. It, too, helped even me out.

I felt good yesterday. I told Zane about the post and about some of the suggestions. We had a really awesome day yesterday. I made him a to-do list this morning with a handful of things he wanted to get done. Small steps, one of them being that he might actually be eligibale for unemployment. We didn’t think he was since he wasn’t laid off.

The Cloak and Blaster is also hiring, a gaming pub he wanted to work for, so that might work out for the time being. There seems to be positive energy going on and I am grateful for it.

Dispite yesterday being a good day, I didn’t sleep well. I’ve been up since 8 this morning. I’ve caught up on most of the blogs I follow, which was so much reading. I work from 9pm to 1am tonight, so at some point I would like to take a nap, but with the road work going on I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I don’t want to be grouchy all day. >.<;

I have homework to do, mostly watching video tutorials and taking a quiz. I would like to complete the discussion post. If I am not able to sleep then I most likely won’t go to the gym. I haven’t been is roughly two weeks, so pushing it off another day isn’t going to phase me.

I don’t know what else to say. I suppose I should state that I slept on the couch because I felt bad about tossing and turning. It wasn’t that I was kicked out of bed or anything, or that Zane and I were fighting. I woke up at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep so I went out ot the living room.

I don’t know how today is going to go. I’m hoping slow. I’m hoping for no confrontation. I’m hoping that things are looking up. I’m really, insanely hoping that I get a nap in today.