Friday afternoon finds me at my sports bar.

I have just paid all of my bills since it is payday. I sent Jeremy $500 for rent, since I owed him for all of April and the upcoming month of May. He let me use the rent money last month to buy the mini fridge and storage unit for my clothing. So this paycheck is basically double rent.

It’s not bad since I was paying $450 with Joshua monthly. I can handle all of my expenses. Next month I’ll be able to start powering through my Care Credit debit, and then my Bank of America card so I can close that account out for their crummy customer service.

The Care Credit will be my new primary goal. I just finished paying off the amount on the Lane Bryant card I used to get new intimates two months ago. A good investment, but still debt that I don’t want to have. And now I don’t because it’s gone. Huzzah.

Anyway. Yeah, after this month I’ll start seeing the savings from my lower rent, which will be great. I can’t wait.

So bills are done. I’ve eaten, and now I’m able to sit and listen to music and process my brain.

I still need to go through my computer and do some file management. I haven’t cleaned my download folder in like… two weeks? It’s pretty bad. I need to empty my computer’s trashcan too…

Mom has been trying to call me. She’s visiting Jason and Lio in Vegas. I’ve missed both of her phone calls because of work. So I’m supposed to call her so we can catch up.

Critiques are today. Instead of using Google Hangouts we’re going to try using the system used for online lectures; Go-To-Training. I personally haven’t used it, but Clavan set up this session for me, and we’re meeting about 30 minutes before the critique so he can show me how to use it.

This new system will solve the space issue we were having with Google. We’ll be able to get more than 10 people into the group. It should also make it easier to communicate through the text box. I’ve been inside of the interface as a student, just not as the host. I think it will go fine, though there’s a part of me who’s nervous about it. It’s new and scary.

I want to get to the dojo today, or at the very least the gym. Dojo would be preferred. Friday is open mat. If sensei Jan and Beata are there maybe they can run through some moves with me. I don’t like how it feels like things are slipping from me in that department.

I’m feeling more fulfilled though. I feel more balanced and that’s making it easier to find the motivation to move forward.

Last night was super fun, while at the same time relaxing / recharging. I didn’t end up having dinner, which I was actually ok with.

DM had plans with his brother and a friend to play Black Ops in the evening. When I got off of work his friend was still there playing Soul Calibur V. I’m normally not a fan of fighting games, but for some reason I’ve always liked Soul Calibur. Maybe it’s the art style, or because it has more of a fantasy feel to it.

I used to play it with Warren #1 and even Jason and Lio when they lived in South Carolina. I loved playing the forth game. I would play Tira mainly. She uses a weapon called a ring blade, which is exactly what it sounds like. It’s essentially a hula hoop that’s super sharp on the outer edge, and she basically spins and dances around with it and kicks major ass. I love her and she’ll be my go-to character for as long as she’s in the game.

So when I got over to DM’s apartment, he and Dan were playing. DM wanted to make another batch of donuts since I was back, which left the controller open. Dan and I played some matches. They were all pretty close, and I won a fair amount of them. It was a lot of fun. When the donuts were done we ended up passing the controls around based on who lost, so I got to play against DM some. I even won a few rounds.

After we got tired of playing games we all ended up sitting and talking for a pretty long time. We talked about DnD, Pathfinder, Magic the Gathering, chess, cribbage, hobbies, going to Cloak and Blaster to hangout. All sorts of stuff.

When Dan left DM and I actually stayed up for a bit longer figuring out what type of character I would be playing for his Pathfinder game. It made me feel good that he said that he wanted to do something outside of the bedroom. That he wanted this to be more than food and sex, even though both of those things were amazing.

I liked that he didn’t mind going through all of the bestiary books with me, looking at different things. He didn’t mind that I said no to characters, or that I would take a while to come to a decision about a suggestion. He let me sit in silence and think it over. The ones I liked we wrote down to come back to later.

I feel bad that I honestly can’t remember the race of my character. I know it starts with an ‘O’ (at least I’m pretty sure it does). Basically it’s a humanoid earth elemental, which really jives with me right now. I’m going to be a Zen Archer, which is like monk but with a bow an arrow, so I’ll still be a ranged class.

Originally I was going to go with a caster so I could have the draconic bloodline and make my character more dragon oriented, but I think I can sacrifice that. I like the feel of this character.

I’m not sure about backstory yet. I guess I’ll start putting some thought into that.

But yeah, we spent about an hour going through all of the different books. He answered all of my questions, and made suggestions, and overall it was really awesome. We didn’t do anything further with the character since we were both tired, and agreed we would save the rest of the setup for another day.

He wants to teach me how to play chess since it came out that I’ve never played before. And he said he wouldn’t mind relearning how to play cribbage with me. We’re finding things that we can do together, while still keeping things to ourselves.

He wasn’t offended when I said that I didn’t want him to do aikido with me. That I wanted to keep the dojo for me. Not that I don’t want him to practice if he wanted to. It’s more that if he did, I would rather we go to different dojos. Maybe, eventually, if he wanted to practice, I could see opening up that much and going to the same place.

But for right now I need to keep my spaces as mine. And I think he understands that. In any event, he wasn’t offended which made me feel good.

He offered for me to stay at his apartment while he’s not there. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Confused. I’m not upset, or weirded out. In a way I feel honored since that is placing a lot of trust in me.

Dan even mentioned how he got extremely good vibes from me, which made me smile and I’m sure blush since I blush over pretty much any compliment.

DM doesn’t think I’ll steal from him and his roommates, or murder his cat. At the same time I feel awkward. I know my room is super important to me. It is my haven. I don’t think I would be ok with leaving someone alone in my room. Part of that may have a lot to do with being so new in the house myself. I’m still figuring out my own place.

So that offer is there. He noticed I was uncomfortable with it. Or at least undecided. I don’t think it is a bad thing. And I think I’m making it a bigger deal than it really is simply because of how I view my own space. I don’t think I’m going to go back over today, but maybe in the future. Maybe after a little more time.

Right now he’s at work, which leaves me free until 2am if not later. I like that. I have the whole day for homework, critiques, the dojo, and finishing off my podcast finally. I have time. I have space.

I had a text message from Sir this morning, which brought up mixed emotions. Today is another hard day for him. We didn’t talk much. I didn’t press the conversation.

And I guess with that I’m all written out. I suppose that means it’s time to move on to the homework phase of today. I’m saving talking to mom as my reward for getting through my assignments. That way they’ll at least get done.

Go go motivation.