I haven’t written in a while, and I really don’t feel bad about that.

I’m still a little overwhelmed from the whole wedding thing so this may come out as mildly detached sounding, and more of a listing of facts and events.

I’m ok with that.

I ended up not going to aikido Wednesday evening. Instead I packed up my car and drove home. I made it to my mom’s around 2 in the morning. She woke up when I came in and we chatted for about an hour before we both went to sleep.

I slept until around 10, mom and I chatted more. John ended up calling so I got a chance to talk with him. Mom had a skills lab she had to teach on Thursday, so she was gone until around 4.

While she was gone I took care of some work stuff on the computer. I also ended up taking a three hour nap.

I went through most of the boxes that I had stored in the shed. That was a project that I wanted to get taken care of. Going through more things, more purging.

I had six boxes of books. All of them I have read, and loved. They moved with me to Florida when I first left home. They made it easier for me to be on my own. When I started moving around a lot though, I sent them back to be stored with some other things in my mom’s shed. It was just too much to keep moving them around.

Well, I’m going to be donating them all. I no longer need to hold on to them. And all they are doing is taking up space. I want someone else to enjoy them as much as I did.

I’m also donating most of my stuffed animals. I got rid of all but one of the puzzles I have put together over the years. It will be going back to Florida with me.

So after going through everything I’m literally keeping three boxes, and those aren’t completely full. And one of them is the three collectors edition boxes of my World of Warcraft games. I’m sort of thinking about getting rid of the boxes and only keeping the art books since that’s the only reason I got them. The boxes are nice though… so I don’t know.

Anyway. That was the biggest thing to get done.

I got more news back from the freelance people. Tre is going to finish reworking the topology. They sent us a video link of what they need the models to do. The animation is terrible and makes me want to stab my eyes out.

That being said, Tre and I can totally kill these projects if that’s all they want the rigs to be able to do.

I helped a student with some code ideas. One of the files I had sent him the other day was corrupted, which is a first for me. I’ve never had Sublime Text mess up when saving a file. It didn’t take all that long to recreate though.

I critiqued a rig for Desiree.

I recorded a few podcasts for another person who wanted more information about clusters, set driven keys, and blendshapes.

I went to the wedding ceremony today for my cousin where she signed the papers with Travis.

After that there was the reception at the bar near their house. I was there for about three hours.

I caught the bouquet.

James didn’t respond to my text or show up, so I have closure for that. I tried. That’s all I could do. There is no more.

I still have homework that I need to do. Lame. But I didn’t drink much tonight so I’ll be fine to do it tomorrow.

I had one drink for myself, and another for my brother since he wasn’t able to be at the ceremony.

I know there are more things, little things, that I’ve done over the past few days, but honestly right now I really don’t care about much of anything.

I don’t know how I feel about catching the bouquet.

I think the Universe has a sense of humor. That maybe it’s picking on me. I also feel this tradition is mildly illogical.

I was talking to my mom Thursday evening while we were out for dinner. We talked about how the situation with Jarrett was finally resolved since I never got a chance to tell her about the conclusion.

From there we got onto the subject of relationships in general.

I told her how right now it feels like I’ll be alone for forever. How my age group doesn’t seem to understand relationships at all. How there is such an emphasis on sex, and that what I want is companionship, honesty, respect. Stability would be nice too.

How it seems so hard to find honorable people, and that I am tired of trying. I’m tired of failing at it.

I didn’t mean for my writing to wander so far into this topic. I don’t want to sound like I’m whining.

I just can’t help but give a sad smile that I caught the bouquet, so I’m supposed to find love next. Be married next. How sad that it wasn’t someone who has a happy, healthy relationship.

Instead it was me. Me, who feels like I’m never meant to find it at all.

There is a Greek myth about the creation of humans. When we were first created we originally had two head, four arms, and four legs. Zeus, fearing our power, split humans into two halves, forcing us to spend our entire lives searching for our other half so we could be complete.

I don’t know where that leaves me.