I suppose I should start off with the conclusion of the roommate situation.

I thought about it pretty much all day. I got some really amazing and supportive comments from my previous post. And I got to talk to my mom for a bit to get her input on the situation.

Everyone agreed that the fridge was an issue that I should bring up.

While I was talking with my mom I mentioned how I really thought that moving in with Monica would be the best option.

That would give Joshua and Susan their space to be couple without making me feel awkward, I could go ahead and move while I have the schedule to do it.

In my head it seemed smart. Logical. It was just a plus that it got me away from a situation that I didn’t really want to be in.

My mom suggested a really diplomatic way of bringing it up.

She said I could mention how I felt a little awkward at the apartment now that Susan had moved in, and that if it wouldn’t leave Joshua in a bad spot, if I could move out early.

This could either be answered with yes or no.

Yes, everything is cool and I can move out.

No, well then there are some things that need to change for me to stay.

Long story short, I ended up talking with Joshua last night.

He was super apologetic about making me feel awkward. And he had noticed that I wasn’t at the apartment much anymore, and that I didn’t have a lot of stuff in the fridge.

He asked if I had been staying away from the apartment more because I had been feeling uncomfortable.

I nodded yes, and said that I knew they weren’t doing it on purpose, but I sort of felt like the third wheel now, encroaching on ‘their’ space.

He assured me that’s not how it was, and that I was here first, so this was my home, and he would talk with Susan about the fridge.

So, as of right now, the bottom self, all of it, is mine.

I spent last night rearranging my room a bit, so currently instead of drinking my coffee at the kitchen table, I am sitting in my closet where I now have my desk set up. At least mostly set up. I think I’m going to put a self on the wall so I can have things like my external hard drive in here with me.

A place for my pen jar and such would be nice too without having to sacrifice desk space to it.

So that’s in the works. I might do that today since I have to run to the craft store, and there’s a Lowe’s right next to it.

So the apartment situation I think is ok.

It’s annoying how sometimes the emotional side takes over. It makes it so hard to see things for what they are.

I even told my mom that I was worried about having a conversation with Joshua because I knew that I was still angry. That the emotions were still too strong and I was worried I would say or do something that would be spiteful or rude. Something that I would regret and not mean.

I still struggle with my shadow traits. But at least I know they’re there. I know when I’m slipping into them, and I think reaching out to other people really helped keep them in check.

I was able to approach Joshua, which that in itself is a massive feat for me. I hate, HATE, confrontation, especially when I know the other person doesn’t mean for me to feel the way I do.

On top of that, all of my past experiences with roommate issues have been with exs, so I didn’t really know what to expect with Joshua. Logically I knew that he would be nice about it; that it would be a discussion rather than an argument.

But it’s hard to ignore, what, six years now, of past experiences. In a way it’s like being conditioned and I’m still having to unlearn the negativity of my past.

But I feel yesterday was a huge step forward for me. I addressed the situation, didn’t have an anxiety attack or breakdown before, during, or after the conversation, and we are all taking steps to make the environment better for everyone.

I like my little space in the closet. It feels like my own mini office. I can already see myself doing podcasts and stuff in here, further away from the kitchen so the random times that the microwave gets used, or the facet turned on won’t mess up my recordings.

Like I mentioned in one of my comments yesterday, it’s like my own little Narnia. : 3

I think it will be good.

So no moving out for me. At least not yet.

And this morning there isn’t the urge to flip tables because my solitude is being interrupted by other human life.

Yesterday went pretty well. I made it to the gym where I spent some time on the elliptical and then did upper body strength stuff. Surprisingly my arms don’t feel like they’re about to fall off. They’re actually not all that sore which makes me feel like something’s wrong…

It’s like when you’re doing a math problem. If it seems easy then you’ve fucked up somewhere…

SAL had lab at 1pm instead of at 9pm yesterday, so I had to go in ‘early’ for work. Frank showed me a game on his iPad while we were there. And holy cow is it amazing.

Most likely stupid simple that everyone knows about…

It’s a puzzle game. Like, legit, 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles on the iPad.

Mind == Blown

I spent the whole lab working on a 400 piece puzzle and it was fantastic. I haven’t worked on a puzzle in about a year now. Not since I lived with Clavan. I forgot how much I loved working on them.

It was a little weird using the touch screen. I really enjoy being able to touch the pieces, but it was still super fun. My brain was totally content.

After lab I went outside and saw Tre. We chatted for a bit, and I told him about the roommate situation. He agreed that I had some solid issues and that both Joshua and Susan were the type of people who would want to fix the problem rather than being confrontational about it.

There was an event going on campus, a 48 hour game jam. Basically you get a team of people together and you make a game in 48 hours. They’re super fun and I normally help run them. Not this time though.

While I was talking to Tre, Anthony and his team showed up to register. It was so awesome to see Anthony and to get a hug from him. I asked where Tica was and he said she was at home sleeping.

Since they’re going to be up for 48 hours I agreed that was most likely the smartest move. It would have been nice to see her as well though.

Anthony and I chatted for a bit, but eventually I had to go so I could host the PCC Critiques.

Not as many people showed up this time, but I expected that. There had been a seminar earlier in the day for the students in finals. Most of them probably didn’t want to hang around for the hour in-between the presentation and critiques.

It still went well. At the end I sat with Rhonda and talked to her about her ideas for her demo reel. I showered her mine, which a handful of other students gathered around for. It was a little awkward for me, but I survived.

Rhonda said she felt bad that she never had anything super awesome, fancy to show during critiques like Tre and a few of the other people. Sort of like what Desiree feels.

I asked her if she was interested in any of the ‘advanced’ stuff, and she said no.

So don’t do it, I said. If you’re not going to enjoy it then you’re going to get burnt out and resentful about it.

What do you like?

She said she really liked coding and scripting. And I said we could focus on that instead. If that’s the direction she wants to go, then she’s going to do better with those types of projects. She’ll actually get fulfillment from them, and continue to push and progress, rather than digging her heels in and killing off her passion.

So we’ll see how that goes, but I think she felt better after our talk. At least she has some ideas to think about.

Once critiques were officially over Jovanny took a look at my computer. I had put it in my car earlier in the day.

He messed with some of the connections, and said to take it home and try it out, which I haven’t done yet.

I stewed in my room for a while when I got home about the apartment situation, which is when I called my mom and then reached out to Joshua.

After rearranging my room I went to sleep. Tons of emotions, full day, killer workout… I was beat.

I slept super deep, and though I know I had a few dreams, I don’t remember them. Actually… as I type that I remember a few details, so maybe I’ll write it out.

Anywho, I am totally taking today to be a super chill day. I don’t have to be at work again until Monday. Huzzah!

Frank offered for me to come over and play Cards Against Humanity with him and Natalie. I’m supposed to message a few other co-workers to see if they want to hang out with us as well.

So that should be fun. I’m looking forward to it at least.

And with that I guess I’m off to finish my coffee and to map out my day.