Gratitude:
I am grateful for the love and compassion in my life, even when, and I suppose especially when I am unable and/or unwilling to give those things to myself. 

#1 Goal:
Writing, again, because I really don’t want to do this right now because it’s painful. Also surviving because while it feels like my world is in shambles the Universe thought it would be amusing to give me a period from hell as icing on the cake.   

#1 Concern:
Witing. Sharing my life and my feelings about my situation online for strangers to see. Being vulnerable. Being authentic and facing social rejection due to being myself. Being unworthy and ruined and all of the things I say inside my head being true. 

#1 Achievement:
Writing last night. Finally facing myself. My blog has become an extension of myself. Until I wrote I knew anything I was doing to move forward was half-hearted at best. And maybe that’s not the best phrasing to use… Without writing there was still a level of avoidance present. I have taken that first step, and because I have I feel I can keep taking small, uncertain, painful steps towards a stronger me. 

When a sword breaks in battle it can either be left broken and useless or it can be reforged. During the reforging process, impurities and weaknesses are removed from the melted metal, resulting in a stronger weapon after the process is complete. Breaking is a horrific process. Reforging oneself is painful. The end result is worth the effort.

I am trying to keep that in mind. The words of my Blacksmith have echoed softly in my head through this period of silence in my writings. “It is not your place to be sorry. It is your place to be strong.” Sorrow does not change the past. Nothing changes the past. Only action and effort have the ability to change things. I’m working on making myself better. The only way to do that is to reforge my broken pieces, addressing things in my life, my mentality, and my behaviors that led to my situation.